NSFW – Fatback Media

Alright, so this isn’t exactly breaking news. I am sure you have heard all about the Nick and Jessica break-up at any number of reputable web-sites. Well if there is one thing that this site isn’t, it’s reputable. In fact, I would go so far as to say that we are the dirtiest, most disreputable site on the internets. Which is why, dear reader, you are reading this right now. Do you want journalism with cited sources and evidence? Hells no!  You want the dirt. We have it. Even if we make it up and pay people to make it true. That’s the American way, by God. And we are fucking Americans. Except for the IT guy. Oh, and the hosting provider (they’re Canadian?). Uh, and the head writer and the copy editor. Yeah, but everyone else is grade A, fucking red, white and blue, baby. So in light of that. I offer this little bit of insight about the so called break up of one Ms. Jessica Simpson and Mr. Nick Lachey. The carefully excecuted media spin by Joe Simpson reports over the holiday went like this:

"After
three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have
decided to part ways. This is the mutual decision of two people with an
enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that
you respect our privacy during this difficult time."

According to reports, the "last straw" for Jessica was last week when Nick was seen at a NASCAR Porn party (wtf?).

Lachey and fellow newly single pal A.J.
DiScala hit Miami Beach nightclub Mansion at around 1 a.m. Saturday,
unwittingly walking into a party hosted by Hustler publisher Larry
Flynt and porn star Ron Jeremy.Once they realized they were at an X-rated bash, Lachey and DiScala beat a hasty retreat.

And by hasty retreat, I mean they stayed all night long. Here’s the part you came for: Last week we reported that Jessica Simpson was (well might be) pregnant. Then, a week later she called it quits with her husband Nick Lachey. In a news flash that I just made up, it appears that she is pregnant but not with Nick’s baby. According to some super-foxy friends of my girlfriend that I met in Connecticut, pictures of Jessica taken during her recent trip to Africa showed that her roots were long overdue for a touch-up.  (I. to tha mutha fuckin’ E.–she’s pregnant*.) The made-up source that I interviewed for this story went on to say that she’s pregnant with Johnny Knoxville’s baby. Knoxville, who starred with Jessica in the recent dud "the Dukes of Hazzard" declined comment. In fact, I declined to interview him. Fucking Hollywood stars and their stupid unlisted numbers.

*Whoa. A non-sequiter, an insult, a claim with no basis in fact, and a rip-off of another blogger all in one statement. Gold. Pure gold.