NSFW – Fatback Media

Or not. Whatever. According to the probably not-reliable-but-who-really-cares Post-Chronicle, Jessica Simpson has become pregnant to save her marriage. If the info is inaccurate then I am officially debunking this story. If it’s true then I stand behind the fact that I am a world class journalist bringing you the all top stories every 15 minutes.

According to a report in the upcoming Star,
Jessica Simpson is about six weeks pregnant.  Hubby Nick Lachey is
reportedly so happy he must be ‘convinced’ he’s the father,’ writes Howard Gensler.

"She’s also hanging on Nick like they’re on a second honeymoon," the Star quotes a source as saying.

"… she’s eating like a horse," says another source."

I really don’t care if she’s pregnant or not, I just wanted to post that picture of her in the Marshall Tucker Band T-shirt. (South Cackalackee Repra-ZENT!) Besides, I’m not sure getting pregnant is the right thing to do to keep your man, when you are already an insufferable bitch with a creepy dad. Especially, when your husband has been spending a lot of time in the company of other women.

I’m no expert but according to Dr. Phil, "trap him" should not be a added to your list of bad relationship solutions. He also says that I should "get real"and stop listening to the voices coming from my electrical outlets too. But the voices stop the lasers coming through the walls, duh. And, I have repeatedly told you through my television that they make me feel better when I wake up from the black-outs covered in blood. How else would I know to burn my clothes and bathe in bleach, doctor?

UPDATE: So it looks like Nick and Jessica are finally breaking up (officially). I really don’t care and I have Collard Greens to eat and I am pretty sure I may get into a chainsaw fight today. Read all about the total non-surprise story over at AllThisNonsense.com.