NSFW – Fatback Media

Apparently, the super hateable Kimberly Stewart just got engaged to the Talan Torriero, whom she has only been dating a week. Perez Hilton Broke the news today on his site. I don’t ever watch Laguna Beach, but my homies over at Give Me My Remote tell me that he is a squeaky voiced little snot-nose, who like Kimberly is only famous because of his association with other rich/famous people. Both of these two, whose only accomplishment in life is that they were born into money, have some how managed to become famous.

Laguna Beach is apparently a show about astoundingly rich high school students who go about their daily lives in a slightly scripted manor. And by slightly scripted I mean, hugely scripted. Most or all of these kids are disrespectful, nasty human beings with a sense of entitlement that knows no bounds. The fact that they are "media darlings" even though they will never do anything worthwhile is, at best unsettling; at worst, cause for blunt force trauma. But I digress…

Pictures via Laguna Hookup.

At least a couple of the Laguna Bitches are hot. Kimberly Stewart looks like the older sister of that creepy Appalachian Mutant Bunny dancer, except with a bad attitude and poor fashion sense. I come from a privileged background myself, so I know it is hard to grow up with a moral center when you can get everything you want when you want it. I don’t mean to brag but I was pretty fucking rich. My doctor keeps telling me that I am quote-unquote delusional. And I say that while making the quotation marks with my fingers in mid-air. Apparently, he thinks that I am "fixated" (again with the air quotes) on an ’80s television show. Well, I think we all know what the truth is doctor, if that is even your real name.

PS Jason Bateman was my bratty, devil-may-care neighbor when I was kid (after Alphonso). I just heard Arrested Development got cancelled. Tough break, br’a. "Here we are..we’re gonna make it together…"