Open Letter

Dear pedestrians of Boston MA
walking across the street in front of my Nissan Pathfinder SUV,

Why don’t you look? You know this an intersection with like cars don’t you? Those big shiny
(sometimes salty) roll-y things that whiz by and have been know to crush people
on occasion- yeah those things. I am at the wheel of one of those. I may not be
from around here but from my experience, cars-which tend to be of the high
velocity-high mass persuasion and people- which tend to be of the squishy meat
sack persuasion do not usually interact well when the former plows over the
latter.

So, again. Why? You look like a smart girl/boy. Hell, the
college is right there. Is it the iPod that makes you oblivious? You know, there
is a protocol-regardless of the whole “pedestrian has the right of way” thing.

The protocol is: If there are cars on the street, fucking look before you walk
out. I mean look. Look at me. In my
eyes. You don’t know me. I could have woken up this morning and decided today’s
the day that I grease a Che-t-shirt-wearing-patchouli-smellin-dreadlock-asshat.
And asshat?…that’d be you. You see where I’m going with this? Make some eye
contact so you can be damn sure that the cabbie/busdriver/redneck isn’t trying to smash you. ‘Cause you know, the shit could
happen by accident too. Hundreds of people fall under buses and cars and even
mopeds every year -by accident. Don’t you think you should even up those odd the best
you can? That smug look you have on your face as you SLOWLY.WALK.ACROSS.THE.INTERSECTION.
means nothing to the grill of a ’96 Grand Marquis. When you’re smoking out with
your friends later expounding about [insert asinine topic that you really know nothing about
and that you will totally change your mind about in a few years when you start
paying rent]…that’s the time to
practice your “disaffected look”. Not when I am trying to get to work. Pretty.
Please?