Hold the Mayo

I don’t like mayonnaise. That’s it. I just don’t care for it. I can eat mayonnaise-y type things like caesar dressing, ranch, aioli [which is technically mayonnaise but it's really not, 'cause it's fresh], most salad dips etc. I just don’t like straight mayonnaise on anything. Oh, and just in case you’re wondering: that rancid ass Miracle Whip[tm] sugar-vinegar-oil shit is NOT mayonnaise at all and, if YOU eat it, then you should have your tongue cut out with pinking shears, but I digress.

That said I’ll get on to the little aventure de nourriture I had today at The Honey Baked Ham Company.

I am currently trying to cut unnecessary calories from my diet in my pursuit of not becoming a fat-assed, Bud-guzzling NASCAR redneck. So when I can, I leave off a little fat here, skip dessert there, you get the picture. That in mind, today I asked the lovely [read:bitchy ham-fisted] counter girl at The HBHC to leave off the mayo on my Baked Peppercorn Chicken Sandwich.

Counter Girl: It’s not mayo, it’s chee-pole-tee [sic] spread.
ME: suspicious Chipotle, huh? What’s it look like?
CG: It’s red, kinda and creamy.
ME: Creamy, huh? Sounds like mayo. Just leave that off, please.
CG: OK.

It’s not that I am a total calorie counter, but I could stand to shed a few, what being a sedentary desk jockey and all, plus: I JUST DON’T FUCKING LIKE MAYONNAISE. Should be simple enough, right? Of the five steps it takes for the sandwich engineer to make a sandwich, I am saving them the trouble of ONE WHOLE STEP. Just don’t pick up the gigantic spoon and put mayo on my sandwich. That’s 20% of the job that you get paid for that you don’t even have to do. I am actually putting money in your pocket, for christ’s sake.

Below is snapshot of my sandwich. Click to enlarge the view. I have listed explanations to the marked areas below the caption.

a) This is the aforementioned chipolte FUCKING MAYONNAISE that I asked be left off my sandwich. Note the sheer volume and excellent coverage our girl acheived with her big fat spoon.

b)This is Ciabatta bread, which has lots of big fat crusty holes for the FUCKING MAYONNAISE to ooze through when applied (with a gigantic spoon) to a sandwich which required 0% of the mayonnaise you see here.

c)There is so much FUCKING MAYONNAISE on this part of the sandwich that the lens glare obscures the view.

Again to recap:
Amount of Mayo requested: 0.00000% Amount of Mayo recieved : 100.00%

Please note the nutrition information I found on the HBHC website for CHEE-POLE-TEE “spread”: