Can I borrow a towel? My car hit a water buffalo.

This is Maria Fowler a “glamour model”. Glamour Model is British for “loikes ta show ‘er tits, Guv’nah”. I’m not sure what they feed these chicks but it apparently grows awesomely perfect breasts and blocks the proclivity to wear shirts. It’s like a combination of fried fish, Guinness and angel semen.

Translation: words words words BOOBS words.

Here’s Rosie Jones in some magazine somewhere for uh, something. I’m just calling it in at this point. I need a bottle of cabernet. Merci.

Hard hitting news anchor. Wait, that's just my cock.

If you’ve ever spent any time in the Nutmeg State, then you’ve probably wanked it to heard about supemodel hot, news anchor babe Sonia Baghdady. A quick search in trusty Wikipedia shows that she was born in 1975, and:

She earned an Emmy Award for “Outstanding Achievement in Soft News Series,” an Emmy nomination for “Outstanding Service Report,” and two Associated Press Awards. She was also nominated in 2008 for an Emmy award for “Outstanding Achievement” as an anchor.The New Haven Business times recently listed Sonia as one of “20 Noteworthy Women” in the community. She was also voted best local TV reporter in the state by the readers of “Connecticut Magazine” and as one of the top local TV personalities by the New Haven Advocate

That’s amazing! Did you know that Connecticut is called the “the Constitution State, not because of the the US Constitution, but because of the Fundamental Orders – the first recognized constitution in North America? Hahaha. Like yo’re reading this far.

Peek-a-boo! Oh also, your nipple is out.

Oh man, new Marisa Miller nudes have just made my day. I remember being a wee lad of 24 and discovering Perfect 10 in teh intarnets and making Marisa Miller the screensaver in my spankbank. She’s still got it folks and she’s old as shit, like, 32 or something. Which is like a million in model years, but just right in your-mom years. (ed. note; I would hit them both -call me!).

Anyway. Here’s Marisa Miller naked in Spain, or naked in LA but displayed in a Spanish magazine. Or being photographed by a dude with a Spanish accent. Or something.Whatever.  Boobs!

Deposit into spankbank, complete.

Brooklyn Decker is naked and artsy. So wear a beret and smoke  Gauloises after you wank into your sock. Abientot!

Does anyone need any glass cut?

If you ever told me that you wanted me to try a Spanish-Iranian spot, I would normally say, No me gusta, Raoul. However, if we’re talking Sarah Shahi, then I’ll bring the Paella and the Shishleek, hombre. This is Persia-spic-tacular hottie Sarah Shahi nipple PEWPEW-ing your eyeballs for a photoshoot in New York Moves (lol-wut?) magazine. I bet she smells like cinnamon.

Rekon these taste like bacon?

You win, Miley. I give up trying to keep Dateline off my front porch. With a rack like that and the can-do attitude we’ve been seeing, you’ve won the boners hearts and minds  of the American people.

What’s that you say? She’s 18? Well that’s horse of a different color, or as I like to say,” ‘scuse me while I rub one out to them tit-tays”. In a totally respectful way, of course. Girl power!

And by warmer, I mean boner.

Evelyn Taft is our favorite SF Bay area news hottie. She grew up speaking Russian in the Bay Area, according to her bio, and I’d love to hear her whisper lubovnik in my ear while we lay naked on a bearskin rug in front of a crackling fire sipping honeyed vodka. But I digress…

Besides being a super smart smartie meteorologist, Evelyn has great assets as a newscaster. And by assets I mean, OMG huge titties! We’re missing her since she moved down to LA, although she is dressing a little more tawdry professional now that’s she’s down there. Here’s hoping she comes to work in a low slung tank top.

Here’s a video of Evelyn and her sweater pups.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Does anyone have a moist towelette?

Man, if there’s one thing I love it’s naked women. Especially naked British women with huge natural boobs and a landing stripped vajajay. So, can anyone tell me WTF happened here? I mean, I still have a boner, but I have an urge to sniff Pine-Sol and that makes me confused. Fucking photographers. Leave to an “artist” to fuck up and spank-bankable naked women in a photoshoot. This kind of reminds me of that time your mom went crazy got naked and tried to kill me. Except that was my mom. Ok, boner is officially gone. I need a tissue.

I will literally eat your heart out.

You might be asking yourself, ‘why is Pauley Perette the only Grammys coverage on this site? You might also ask yourself, ‘where is my beautiful wife?’ Well, the answer is that Pauley Perrette is a genetic anomaly (she’s 41 and hotter than molten black candle wax) and your wife has been at my house for a few days experimenting with multiple partners. Same as it ever was. Here’s Pauley looking like she could just eat the still beating heart right out of your chest cavity. So how was her character on NCIS in the Navy again? “My God, What have I done?”