Fatback Media

Querida Mi Hija J-Lo,

People who don’t tell others when they are pregnant until the bump is like way too obvious seriously annoy me. But people who DENY they are pregnant and continue to deny that they are pregnant even when the bump is obvious are in a whole other class of pissoffability as far as Miss Lennox is concerned. And you, mi amiga, and denials of the significance of your bump have landed yourself there.

However, this picture which undeniably reveals the true state of your womb should definitively make you understand that we KNOW you are pregnant and that continual denial of your fetus is just not acceptable. It’s plain stupid at this point.

From the looks of that bump you are way past the hush-hush 12-week mark. So give it up. Your Roberto Cavalli get-up has revealed what we’ve all known for two months or so.

Now let’s turn our attention to how hot J-Lo used to look. I say “used to” because for the next few months and then until she loses her baby weight, well, I highly doubt we’re going to like looking at her photos.

(Photo Source: http://www.jennylopez.net)

If I had to guess, I’d say that skeletal Jenna Jameson was caught here in this photo trying to bang the crazy-as-shit out of her head. Or, maybe she’s gone to her happy place full of otherwise verboten calories. Whatever the case, I’m damn disappointed. Anorexia should be reserved for worthless starlets, not porn stars. I could care less if Nicole Richie throws up so much that she eventually loses the boobs I was never interested in anyway. But as far as I’m concerned the star of Cum One Cum All and Briana Loves Jenna should always look like a goddamn blow-up doll and not Skeletor.

I am quite disappointed.

Matthew Roloff, one of the stars on TLC’s “Little People, Big World” has been taking drinking lessons from Lindsay Lohan. According to a police report, a Deputy in Washington County, Oregon saw a white van weaving about. The deputy stopped the vehicle and identified the man as the mini-star Roloff.

Supposedly, little man failed the field sobriety test. Don’t tell me how the fuck he managed to miss that big honker of his. I never would have thought it possible for such a tiny man to have such a huge beak. His mugshot reminds me of some sort of twisted lawn gnome. Scary stuff.

But anyway, he failed the field sobriety test, then refused to take a breathalyzer down at the station. He was charged with a citation, then released.

What I am wondering is this…does celebrity justice now extend to crappy reality TV stars? I think people should cut him some slack because he may be short in stature, but he’s a giant at heart. Plus, you know only takes one beer to fuck a midget up. More Alessandra Ambrosio if you click the images, because tall people are sexy.