John and Jenny Deaves are an Australian couple who’ve just had a little girl. Turns out, John and Jenny are biological father and daughter. And before you start judging, they’re not from down south, they’re from Australia. Okay, start judging.

John and Jenny Deaves reunited 30 years after Mr Deaves separated from Jenny’s mother. Jenny was 31 and just two weeks after meeting, father and daughter had sex.”John and I are in this relationship as consenting adults,” Mrs Deaves told the Nine Network’s 60 Minutes tonight.

“We are just asking for a little bit of respect and understanding.”Their nine-month-old daughter Celeste, shown on TV, appears fit and healthy.Mrs Deaves said soon after reuniting with her father she began to see him as a man first and her father second.

“I was looking at him, sort of going, oh, he’s not too bad,” she said. (source)

The only way it’s cool to bang your daughter is if you’re Peter North and your “daughter” looks like Allie Sin. And you’re in a porn. And she’s not really your daughter. If you look like pic 1 down there, then expect some whispers at the grocery store and gossip at the fence. And probably some bricks in your window followed by some burning in hell. If you can manage to swallow that vomit that comes up from pic 1, then Emily Scott will make it all better in the rest of the pics. She’s Australian!

I think that when one attends a children’s event, the assumption is that you can cut corners with your normal attention to detail and the standard image you try to portray as a celeb. I guess everyone figured that kids just wouldn’t notice any otherwise unsettling aspect of their appearance that evening? That’s really the only way to explain Teri Hatcher’s very unflattering-bordering-on-pscyho Queen of Hearts get-up, Jamie Lee Curtis looking like a tranny MC of a drag contest who forgot “her” wig, and Rumer Willis’ insistence on wearing a costume that is cut so as to deliberately show her hoo-ha. Oh and if you like jailbait, make sure to click on Andrea Bowen’s picture–her costume gives pedophiles ’round the world a reason to cheer . . .

Querida Mi Hija J-Lo,

People who don’t tell others when they are pregnant until the bump is like way too obvious seriously annoy me. But people who DENY they are pregnant and continue to deny that they are pregnant even when the bump is obvious are in a whole other class of pissoffability as far as Miss Lennox is concerned. And you, mi amiga, and denials of the significance of your bump have landed yourself there.

However, this picture which undeniably reveals the true state of your womb should definitively make you understand that we KNOW you are pregnant and that continual denial of your fetus is just not acceptable. It’s plain stupid at this point.

From the looks of that bump you are way past the hush-hush 12-week mark. So give it up. Your Roberto Cavalli get-up has revealed what we’ve all known for two months or so.

Now let’s turn our attention to how hot J-Lo used to look. I say “used to” because for the next few months and then until she loses her baby weight, well, I highly doubt we’re going to like looking at her photos.

(Photo Source: http://www.jennylopez.net)

If I had to guess, I’d say that skeletal Jenna Jameson was caught here in this photo trying to bang the crazy-as-shit out of her head. Or, maybe she’s gone to her happy place full of otherwise verboten calories. Whatever the case, I’m damn disappointed. Anorexia should be reserved for worthless starlets, not porn stars. I could care less if Nicole Richie throws up so much that she eventually loses the boobs I was never interested in anyway. But as far as I’m concerned the star of Cum One Cum All and Briana Loves Jenna should always look like a goddamn blow-up doll and not Skeletor.

I am quite disappointed.

Matthew Roloff, one of the stars on TLC’s “Little People, Big World” has been taking drinking lessons from Lindsay Lohan. According to a police report, a Deputy in Washington County, Oregon saw a white van weaving about. The deputy stopped the vehicle and identified the man as the mini-star Roloff.

Supposedly, little man failed the field sobriety test. Don’t tell me how the fuck he managed to miss that big honker of his. I never would have thought it possible for such a tiny man to have such a huge beak. His mugshot reminds me of some sort of twisted lawn gnome. Scary stuff.

But anyway, he failed the field sobriety test, then refused to take a breathalyzer down at the station. He was charged with a citation, then released.

What I am wondering is this…does celebrity justice now extend to crappy reality TV stars? I think people should cut him some slack because he may be short in stature, but he’s a giant at heart. Plus, you know only takes one beer to fuck a midget up. More Alessandra Ambrosio if you click the images, because tall people are sexy.

That’s it. I’m done. Congratulations, Lindsay, you’ve beaten me. I used to think that I possessed a biting wit and a funny take on celebrities’ misfortunes that would endear me to the masses, but you’ve taken that away from me. You’ve worn me down, and I’m waving the tattered white flag of surrender. First you get a DUI on Memorial Day weekend, then you enter rehab. OK, I’ll cut you some slack on account of your admitting that you’re a complete alcoholic (whereas I’m only halfway, i.e. I don’t have to go to rehab just yet). Then you celebrate your 21st birthday, sober and with your mom. I celebrated mine at a Bacchanalian Italian feast before gallivanting across Southern Europe for the next 3 months, but once again, I was willing to take it easy on you. Then you go out and drag race across LA last night, drunk on appletinis (or were they cosmos?) with some blow in your pocket, to boot. At this point, you have entered an area of celebrity culture that used to be reserved for Mike Tyson, Anna Nicole, and Michael Jackson. You’re so goddamned crazy that you’ve taken the fun out of it for the rest of us.

Lindsay Lohan was arrested for drunk driving in Santa Monica early this morning — her second bust in less than three months.

According to the L.A. County Sheriff’s Dept., 21-year-old Lohan was nailed around 2:15 AM near Pico Boulevard and Main Street early Tuesday morning. (source)

So congratulations, Lindsay. I am a broken man. Here’s to your last few months on earth, because you’re no doubt only a few months away from launching your Benz off of the Santa Monica Pier on the way to screw some B-level male celebrity. Rest assured that I’ll pour out a wine cooler for you when the day comes. Here’s Lindsay in happier times.