White Trash
Jessica Simpson is a stalker
Jun 15th
Jessica Simpson might be stalking John Mayer. Apparently, her flagging singing/acting/socialiting career has left her chasing pasty white boys. Good thing she has a great rack to keep her alive. Hollywood rulez.
A guest at the Sunset Marquis in West Hollywood said that on Monday morning John Mayer was yelling into his phone: “He said ‘Jess’ a bunch of times, so I would think he was talking to Jessica Simpson. He looked wiped out, circles under his eyes, and some pal was grabbing him coffee while he was having this fight over the phone. There was a lot I couldn’t hear, but at the end before he hung up, he told her to stop calling, stop texting, stop all of it – leave me alone! He was shaking his head back and forth like, ‘God, make her stop,’ and his friend was sort of chuckling at him.†(source)
Far be it for us to doubt a source, but I’m not so sure about this one. Anyway, let’s assume that this (like all the other shit we publish) is true. John could just be saying all that just to start gossip. He’s banged every hot chick in Hollywood. It’s not like he’s desperate.
So, how does John looking “wiped out†differ from every other day of the week?? He looks like he’s one transfusion away from full on cadaver. Ok, I haven’t actually seen a cadaver in person. But on CSI Miami that one time…you know, the one where they found the body in the weird place and Horatio made that snappy quip while taking his sunglasses off just before the opening music? That was my favorite episode. EVER.
Joss Stone contemplates lesbianism. Rock.
Jun 14th
 
Young Brit singer Joss Stone thinks she’s unlucky in love. Maybe it’s because she’s dating the wrong kind of guys..err..girls..err human?
The 20-year-old, who has been desperate to be in a relationship since splitting from her first love Beau Dozier in 2005, is now considering giving up on men altogether. Joss told Britain’s The Times magazine: “I think I’ll have to turn lesbian. “Every girl my age wants to be in a relationship. I haven’t had one in two years and look how that ended. I only wish I had something to tell the gossip columnists.” (source)
See, now that’s the kind of gossip I like to read over my morning cup of joe. Nothing gets my day started quite like young, prurient lesbionage. Actually, nothing gets my day started quite like Marco the house boy’s cocktail of steamy pool sex and vodka crans, but I suppose a 20 year old bitter girl turning to lesbianism is a close second, especially if said girl is wicked hot like Joss Stone. She’s scary, like I’ll stab you with a Sharpie in the middle of the night, laugh until the cops come then act surprised to learn you have ink poisoning kinda scary. Seems a little rash to jump sexes with one soured relationship, but far be it for me to deny her time to explore the softer side and ultimately the private videos that will land on You Tube, then the endless phone calls from mom asking what the fuck? Fuckin’ A, I knew I should’ve said no. Fuck you.
Megan Fox transforms literature
Jun 13th
This is the ridiculously hot Megan Fox at a recent Transformers press conference. Her Egyptian potato sack (?) dress is revealing one of her several tattoos. I’m not one to judge, but it’s well known tattoos are for whores. They don’t call it a ho’ stamp for nothing. True story. Here’s what she said in FHM about her ink.
Fox has said of her tattoos: “I have five. Anytime I have a feeling about anything, I get tattooed. I have a poem I wrote on my ribcage and a symbol for strength on my neck, and my boyfriend Brian’s name tattooed next to my pie.â€Â
That one one her back there is a version of a quote from King Lear (for you literary muthafuckas), but its kinda creepy because that’s what King Lear said to his daughter in the touching scene where they are led off to prison. So is this ironic? Or literal? Is she the tragic gilded butterfly for whom a fatherly figure (Daddy? David Austin Greene? Hollywood?) must suffer as he sees her caged, never to fly, and ultimately fall too soon for her years? Or was this scrawled in eyeliner pencil on the bathroom stall just above the toilet seat when she chopped up that last coke rail?
‘How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child.’
Maggie Gyllenhaal: Mother. Nurturer. Hero.
Jun 8th
In one picture, Maggie Gyllenhaal has single-handedly become my hero. I have so many questions, but all I can do is stare. I can’t tell if that youngin’ is actually breast-feeding or just mocking what daddy does every night after 9pm. But more importantly, Maggie is my favorite kind of mother. You know, the ones who just let their babies latch on in the middle of the freaking street, without a bit of modesty, as if it’s natural to show your boobs on a bench in public. It is, isn’t it? The only way this picture could be better is if they were in Burger King surrounded by dirty-faced little urchins crying MAWma! and DIDdeee!. Cause nothing suggests redneck upward mobility like a peep show in the BK lounge.
(img source)
More hot MILF Jugs apres le saut…
