White Trash
Britney Spears is a conscientious driver
Aug 8th
Even when drunk, it appears that Lindsay Lohan may be a better driver than Britney Spears. I mean hell…the girl has wrecked two cars, stole a car almost killed someone and ended up in rehab. Britney on the other hand can’t even park without cracking into another car. Getting out of her ride proves to be a problem, too. Drive into a car, then slam your door into same vehicle, show us your crotch. Super. Smart.
The video and pics are plastered all over the ‘net, so it’s gonna be real hard for her to try to worm out of it. With her bankroll, it’ll be easy to slip some cash to the other driver. Then again, maybe she can loan the chick who owns the car her Manny for an hour.
If they do it in Vegas, that’s legal.
Britney Spears’ manny with benefits?
Aug 7th
When you’re rich, you can afford to buy a man instead of a dildo. At least, that’s what it looks like Britney Spears has done. Sure, everyone thinks he is her ‘manny’, but Valkyrie knows the real deal.
What Brit-Brit has is a bone-a-fide walking, talking sex puppet. And why not? Nothing much hotter than a little bit of white trash walking around with a sex toy. I walk down the street with my venus butterfly turned on high, because that’s how I roll. True story.
At least Britney has the sense to hire someone to look after her kids. I mean, Britney hasn’t proven to be the brightest when it comes to child care. Who the fuck lets their baby fall out of a high chair? Ok, so it happens, but I wonder if the genius even strapped the kid in position in the first place.
Oh and with the divorce final now, I wonder how long it will be before Britney begins giving some public love to her paid dick?
Whatever. Baby sitter/Fuck Buddy, it’s cheaper when you buy in bulk.
Paris’ Standards Are as Low as Cisco’s Balls
Jul 27th
So this whole story about Paris Hilton making out with and lapdancing Cisco Adler . . . well Miss Lennox just doesn’t get it. I’m beginning to think that if you are part of young Hollywood that it’s just obligatory to hook up with anyone in your cohort. Typically I wouldn’t care who Paris hooks up withâ€â€I mean who can keep up anyway?â€â€but in this case she hooked up with someone who I passed over, and with good reason . . . he’s Cisco Adler, ex fiancé of Kimberley Stewart, ex-boyfriend of Mischa Barton, perhaps best known for his saggy, elephant balls which accompany any internet posting of him, including this one, and the epitome of dirty–like if you even breathed in the air he exhaled you would catch something super virulent.
My run-in with Cisco goes like this . . . last December my best friend and I went to see Toby Rand’s band Juke Kartel play at a small club in Atlanta. In fact, it was a small enough venue that we ran right into Toby at the bar. We started to talk to him only another guy in his group was doing all the talking, if you could call it that. He was obviously blitzed and rambling so incoherently that I thought he was part of Toby’s band because he seemed to be speaking with an accent (Juke Kartel is from Australia). He blubbered his way through telling me what nice tits I had, and that was basically the only part of what he said that I understood. More >
Michael Vick, Who Gives A Fuck?
Jul 25th
Yeah, I’ll say it. Who. Gives. A. Fuck.
There. Now the rest of the world can thumb their noses at little ol’ Valkyrie, a girl who doesn’t give two shits about the Becks bending whatever it is he bends, or some dumbass NFL player who was dumb enough to get caught in a dog fighting racket. Nope, and I don’t care about the welfare of these dogs. Why? Because I don’t. I’m betting about a few million other people don’t either.
Oh, there will be a ton of pissed off PETA bitches whining about the poor, loyal pit bulls and other doggies who got bit the fuck up and killed.
Yeah, well, fuck ‘em.
I have an idea that will solve my give-a-fuckedness. Take the Bex, Vick, and four or five fighting pit bulls, put them all in a large enclosure with an electric fence and a closed circuit camera. Sell video.
Now that’s something I would love to cover. So why do I have pictures of hot naked biker chicks? Well, because that’s way hotter than dead doggies, sugar! PS. Sorry about the pic of your mom. Slut!
