Fatback Media

 

Smokin’ hot and tabloid sizzling British couple David and Victoria Beckham are to appear on the August issue of W magazine. Here’s a quote from the article:

“When the soccer star married the pop singer, it was a match made in British tabloid heaven. Now David and Victoria Beckham are determined to become the new American idols.”

Drag. Lame. Bore. I am so unbelievably disappointed in these photos. I didn’t get a nip slip or a bare ass or some interspecies erotica or anything. Just some fucked up tattoos. Turns out W doesn’t stand for whore. (Who knew?) I feel so…teased. Now I know how all those boys (and girls) felt in high school. Instead, I got Posh in a maxi pad and “Becks” (stupid fucking name, by the way) looking as though he’s auditioning for male porn. Either that or a Calvin Klein ad, which is basically the same thing. Who the fuck chose their wardrobe? Conclusion: two unimpressed thumbs down. Leave the magazine on the shelves and wait for one of their sex tapes to hit YouTube. Because of some -ahem- legal issues we aren’t posting all of the pics here. You can see all the fish n’ chips in hi res here and here.

And we’re not referring to Rosie O’Donnell, but a real pig. Zing! I’m so bad. No really, I am. Bless my southern girl’s heart.

Victoria Beckham’s US visit didn’t go as well as she’d have us all believe, after it was revealed she was the victim of a pig attack. The incident happened when the Queen of Pout was viewing schools in LA for her three sons. As she visited a science block in one school, a pack of pot belly pigs made a b-line for the would-be fashion guru. A source told the National Enquirer, ‘

Victoria was being shown around the science lab when two pet pot-bellied pigs, who are allowed to roam free, snuffled up to her.’ Instead of warming to the pigs and petting them, Posh fled the scene with the source adding, ‘She screamed, ‘Get it away!’, and tried to run away in her high heels. It was hysterical, everyone was trying so hard not to laugh.’ (source)

Pork fat rules. But I’m going to be uncharacteristically sympathetic. She probably doesn’t even know what a pig looks like. She looks likes the only protein she gets is liquid. (Again. I am bad person.) She prolly thought the pig was a Scientology spirit trying to infiltrate her body in order to drain her life force for the greater good of planet Neuromac. Where is Tom Cruise when you need him? But just to be sure no harmful energy penetrated her soul and compromised her being, she might want to consider a colonic and a 30-day detox plan. Don’t fuck with her chi. Bitches.

Hello lovers, Emily here with a story that I should’ve published about 4 days ago when it was new. Fucking red wine. According to a recent article, Victoria Beckham doesn’t like her naked body. I think she should submit some tasteful photos to my inbox and let me decide.

The wife of former England captain David tells [Australia's Harper's Bazaar magazine] that having three children and then losing so much weight afterwards has left a rather unsightly legacy on her tummy. “I’ve got so much saggy skin on my stomach,” she says.

Mrs Beckham added: “I might fit into jeans but, trust me, I look really awful naked.” (source)

I would say it’s really hard for any 89 pound person to look good naked. She’s more skeleton than human. Her tummy is saggy because there’s no supporting meat; just bones clanking around in her chest cavity. And her lack of ass is due to her lack of nutrition, not a genetic defect. All that’s are nothing a little creamery butter and macaroni pie can’t cure! Homegirl needs to sit with my family on Thanksgiving.  A couple of meals with us will put some junk that trunk, chica.  Get some nice ass cleavage going (real women have curves!). A word of caution though, Poshy, don’t sit next to “Uncle” Ed. We’re not really sure how he’s related to us but nobody’s gonna say shit to a one-eyed man with smeared lipstick who’s wearing women’s underwear on the outside of his clothing.