Sex
Heidi Montag Sex Tape Imminent?
Aug 25th
I think they lost something behind the couch.
I love a good sex tape as much as the next guy – especially when your mom is in it – the camera loves her. Rumors have swirled (like poo in porcelain) for months about a possible Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt sex tape – underwhelming the shit out of everyone who blatantly continued living their lives. *Uses Dateline’s Keith Morrison voice* But now…all that is changed. It seems Heidi. Had sex. With…another girl. Ooooooh. Ooooh.
Shock the monkey TMZ:
We’re told Heidi has agreed to listen to Vivid Entertainment honcho Steve Hirsch when he arrives in Costa Rica to make an offer on the footage … some of which is said to contain girl-on-girl action with Playboy Playmate Karissa Shannon.
We’re told Heidi wants Hirsch to provide her with the sales numbers on Kim Kardashian’s sex tape — which was also released through Vivid — because Heidi may be interested in working out a “back-end deal” if Steve can’t offer enough cash up front to satisfy Montag.
In case you’re wondering why I have that banner pic of the two girls (and twins!); at least one of those girls is Karissa Shannon. I can’t tell them apart. I’m not sure if they can. I do know this: judging by pic number 3, either Hef is a tiny pixie man or those are some big bitches. Watch out Spencer, the pretty one might think you’re an albino chimp and spear you for her village. In case this is your first day out of Mexican prison and you’ve yet to feel the hurricane of Heidi Montag media rain down upon your face like a fetid golden shower in a Thai massage parlor, you can always go here and see more Heidi Montag relatively nude pics.
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- Honestly, I can’t tell them apart
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- I think they lost something behind the couch.
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- Damn they some big bitches
‘scuse me while I bang these chicks
Apr 29th
Jimi Hendrix has a sex tape. Which normally would be super creepy because he’s dead now (and more than likely so are the groupie whores who are in the movie), but this is Jimi fucking Hendrix – possibly the best guitar player that ever lived.
“This new movie shows that Jimi Hendrix could have been as great a porn star as he was a rock star. He could clearly play more than just his guitar,” said Vivid co-chairman Steven Hirsch. “It’s easy to see that he turned women on with his music and his passion.” (AVN)
I’m just hoping that it’s got some quality groupie whore fucking and it’s not just a movie of Jimi Hendrix asleep with his cock out while two hippie skanks lick each other’s hairy armpits. You’d be surprised how often porn DVD’s can disappoint. Go here for details.
Woohoo! Simpsons pisses off the Pagans
Jul 19th
Homer Simpson is a white hot sexual celebrity. If you don’t agree with me, then fuck off. Woman across the planet succumb to men with his wiley charms every minute. This should give some of you hope, yet.
Anyway, a 180 foot Homer was painted next to a 16th century outline of a pagan fertility god Britain. Homer holds high his tasty favor, while the fertility god holds high…um, another sort of favor. Pagans all over have their heathen panties in a celtic knot over this publicity stunt promoting the new Simpson’s movie. They promise to have a magic rain ritual cermony so it will wash away the special biodegradable paint. Witches. Bitches. Want some cheese with that whine? Mmmmm. Cheeeeese.Source and image via:BBC.co.uk
Find out what Homer does with his delicious pastry after the jump.
