Fatback Media

Jimi Hendrix has a sex tape. Which normally would be super creepy because he’s dead now (and more than likely so are the groupie whores who are in the movie), but this is Jimi fucking Hendrix - possibly the best guitar player that ever lived.

“This new movie shows that Jimi Hendrix could have been as great a porn star as he was a rock star. He could clearly play more than just his guitar,” said Vivid co-chairman Steven Hirsch. “It’s easy to see that he turned women on with his music and his passion.” (AVN)

I’m just hoping that it’s got some quality groupie whore fucking and it’s not just a movie of Jimi Hendrix asleep with his cock out while two hippie skanks lick each other’s hairy armpits. You’d be surprised how often porn DVD’s can disappoint. Go here for details.

• Jimi Hendrix Sex Tape
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• Summer Glau @ 10th Annual Young Hollywood Awards
• Scarlett Johansson Does Not Have a Diseased Vagina
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When it comes to NSFW, Valkyrie has you covered, boys.

Kristin Davis was allegedly helping herself to a three way around 5 years ago. I seriously doubt that was the only time, because everyone knows, once you join in, you’ll do it again. I am a little disappointed that the 3cum-sum included another guy, not girl.

Wtf is up with that?

Also, Kristin needed a good waxing. Then again, her ex-boyfriend might have liked his hair pie with actual hair. Some guys like the Sasquatch-crotch.

In honor of the day, which shall from here on be known as ‘Enjoy Your Hairy Crotch With 2 Cocks Day’, here is the link (again) to all 13 of the photos that the ex-boyfriend’s friend has circulating around the net. Yes, that’s right, photos. No video. At least Paris video’d for us.

See one hairy, toilet-sitting, cock-gobbling snatch.

Damn it. Gene Simmons’ lawyers still haven’t shut down the site that’s selling his alleged sex tape. That means people such as myself who have a weird fascination with gross stuff keep going back and watching the 20 second clip again and again. Gene Simmons naked from the waist down and screwing is just… ewww.  It’s like watching of Faces of Death and are those cats??? In fact FOD should have marketed the video. Yet I keep watching. What the hell is wrong me me? And with you too . . . you know you want to see the tape in its entirety! To appease your equally sick minds, you can go to this site and watch even more clips. Just don’t eat before you do.

Last night the Kardashian family of B (C? D?)-listers came out to play at the premier party for their new E! network show, “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” The amount of siblings between Kris Kardashian and Bruce Jenner is astounding. While watching the previews that E! has been inundated it viewers with, I was unable to count all the siblings. Also, while watching the previews, I know that I will not be watching this show.

The bunch is an interesting looking family . . . and I don’t mean that in a flattering way. Not all of the clan attended the party, but let me introduce you to those who did, from left to right.

First Amazon Kardashian or perhaps Amazon Jenner. I’m not sure whose kid she is, but she’s big enough to crush you between her thighs. And something tells me Amazonia is insanely jealous of soon-t0-be Playboy model sister Kim.

Next is Daddy Jenner. He seems to be suffering from the “Kenny Rogers Syndrome,” i.e. perpetually surprised-looking due to a bad face lift.

Ah, then Kimmie, media darling, and the purpose and focus of the upcoming show. I just can’t like this girl. She’s famous because Paris Hilton is her BFF, she’s filthy rich due to her dead lawyer Daddy who defended O.J., and she made a nasty sex tape which only boosted her popularity. Yuck on all three counts.

Anyway, then there’s Mama Kardashian who looks like she’s put her dead hubby’s money to good use and found a great plastic surgeon. The woman does not look like she popped out 5 kids–or however many are hers.

Kardashian Siblings X and Y look sweet enough, but I’m sure that after their reality “fame,” some rehab or at least a DUI is in their future . . .

I, for one, will not be “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” Hell no.

R&B star and Kim Kardashian sex tape co-star (?) Ray J has dreams of becoming Mayor of Carson California, not a huge stretch considering Ahnold is the guvnah and Sonny Bono was a member of Congress. Except, Ray J is a naughty, naughty boy and his sex tape controversy may be keeping him out of office.

The singer/actor has huge political ambitions and his leaked sex tape, in which he cavorted with socialite Kim Kardashian, wrecked his bid to become Carson’s mayor this year (07) - but he isn’t giving up. He tells Sister 2 Sister magazine, “I might do it at the next election and let all of this controversy die down and then hit them harder.”

“I want people to look at other things besides rapping and singing… Young people 18 and older don’t vote. When I get people to start voting and start uplifting themselves in the political side of life… I’m making a change in the world. “I’m going to keep going. I’m going for president of the United States of America.” (source)

Ahh hahaha, ‘hit them harder’. That’s what she said. Seriously though, I’m all for electing porn stars to public offices. John Holmes can be the Thruster of the House. Linda Lovelace can play Bush. And Elisha Cuthbert can be the Fist Lady. (Okay I know she isn’t a porn star, but she played one once and that’s basically the same thing.) Sessions of Congress would really just be consecutive days of orgies and the State of the Union addresses would be broadcasts of classic hits like Ally McFeal, Nightmare on Dyke Street and Dial A for Anal. Holy shit, the ideas are rolling! Where’s my pen??

Oh. Umm. We at FB&C acknowledge free love and its consequences so before you tag it, bag it. No glove, no love. And so on. Holla!