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Rock of Love II Recap:

Bret’s time with Ambre and Daisy in Cancun starts off with the usual VH1 find-love-reality-show 5 minute dinner. During dinner, Daisy basically asks Bret if he thinks she’s smart like Ambre or if he just wants her for sex. Of course Bret evades the question by saying that he thinks she needs to connect more. Then Ambre starts analyzing Daisy’s whore modus operandi , but it’s Ambre I feel sorry for because I really see the situation as one unhappy family where Ambre is Daisy’s mom and is trying to cut her down to make sure that stepdaddy won’t try to sleep with her. But he already has.

When the girls return to their hotel room, the obligatory insult-trading begins. Daisy tells Ambre that she’s not hot and sexy and not comfortable in her body. After defending herself, Ambre tells the camera, “Okay Daisy’s hot. Surgery can make me hotter. But surgery won’t make her smarter.” Amen. I don’t think there’s anything that could make Daisy smarter short of a brain transplant.

Okay, the only thing that really needs to be said about Ambre and Bret’s solo date is that at dinner Ambre literally opens her legs while wearing a dress to show him that she’s not wearing any underwear. Not that it needs to be said because having sex on the individual dates is a given on VH1 reality shows, but Ambre spends the night with Bret.

Then on Daisy and Bret’s solo date, Daisy pukes from being seasick. But that doesn’t prevent them from having sex. Bret cares a lot about Daisy so he chooses the bed inside his suite to jump Daisy as opposed to the bed on the patio where he screwed Ambre. Awww, he must really loves her to go through that effort for her.

The next morning the girls fight some more, and we casually find out 12 episodes into the show that (no surprise!) Daisy is a stripper and not a professional struggling musician. But even though her body is killer, she must really suck at what she does though since she can’t make enough to move out of the one-bedroom apartment that she shares with her ex-boyfriend.

And Bret Chooses . . .

And in the moment we’ve been waiting for all season, it’s final decision time. Okay, Ambre’s dress is actually hot. I’m terribly surprised. She so did not go shopping at Anne Taylor this time. Daisy of course pulls out what is obviously a work dress. Bret follows the show’s formula and tells each girl what he likes and doesn’t like about them, and then the girls cry a lot. Then Bret calls Daisy to him . . . and dismisses her since, as my boyfriend put it, “He could have 30 of her in every city.” Amen. And so, Ambre is Bret’s “Rock of Love” . . . until production shuts down about an hour later.

Actually I’m not shocked at all. Especially, because it is Angelique. You know, “Frenchie”–the girl who got sent home last night after rubbing her naked lady parts on the stage of 40 Deuce. And the contestant who proclaimed after like an hour of meeting Bret, “I vant to have sex weed Bret in deez pool!” . . . and the one who is seriously unable to stop talking about her job as a stripper . . . and the one who admitted to having two boobs jobs, a nose job, and her lips done. I’m pretty sure that she also had transgender surgery somewhere along the way, as well.

Anyway, here’s Frenchie in her own words describing her experience in the porn industry. You can bet your life I wouldn’t rent one of his her DVD’s, but I’m actually sad to see her leave Rock of Love 2 since she alone was responsible for 50% of the Slut Factor on the show.

I just want to extend a big thank you to VH1 for bringing back my very guilty pleasure, i.e. “Rock of Love 2.” Bret is back and his weave is better than ever! He begins the show by setting the tone for the whole season with the announcement to the ladies that, “There’s only one way to find true love–go back in the house, get completely naked, and have a great time.” Dude, why aren’t you married? I just can’t figure it out. Anyway, if you share my love of the show but couldn’t watch it tonight, here’s a recap:

Plasticity

While yes, just like last year’s contestants, this year 80% of the ladies look like they have been or currently are strippers. However, there are some differences in the contestant pool from last year. See while breasts were the obvious trend in plastic surgery amongst last season’s contestants, this year nose jobs seem to be the cosmetic trend. There are some seriously fake noses. I’m especially taken by contestant Daisy’s face–despite a ton of facial plastic surgery she is still unattractive.

MILFs

In addition to a ton of plastic surgery, another stand-out feature of the contestants this year is their increased age. There are more than a few moms. I’m pretty sure Ambre, Ashley, and Aubrey are over 35, and Catherine already confirmed that she was 45.

Smooth Talk

Inna makes sure to let Bret know the one thing you probably don’t want to say to a man you just meet and want to date: “My father was never there and I just want someone to love me.” Way to go Inna! And Angelique (”Frenchie”) is one horny man–the she/he exclaims, “I want to have some sex with Bret in this pool!” about an hour after meeting him. Classy!

Bye-Bye

Bret cut the most gorgeous girl of them all, Erin . . . but then again she admited that she has learned so much about the world from . . . Myspace! Ummm, next! He also cut 3 other girls who didn’t make an impact on him, as well as the one who passed out drunk and missed the elimination ceremony. Oops.

I’ll be waiting eagerly for Bret and the girls to turn up the skank factor next week with an episode featuring Bret’s “Peep Show” booth. Hell, even Flava Flav didn’t do this activity on his show till midway into the season! Anyway, check out a few of the “ladies” . . .