Reese Witherspoon
Reese Witherspoon is Back on The Market
Nov 30th
It is being reported that Reese Witherspoon has split with long time boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal. The source close to the couple didn’t have anything else to say except for “YESSSSS!” Obviously the source was a male but even most lesbos would like to take a crack at Reese Witherspoon.
I doubt either of them care that they are not going out anymore cause Jake Gyllenhaal can bang just about any chick he wants. Well…except for his sister. And there are dudes lining up around the block for Reese Witherspoon like her poonany was a $299 labtop on Black Friday. I am one of those dudes so I am hoping that getting inside Reese’s box won’t cost me more than $299.
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Reese Witherspoon is heading down south
Dec 21st
Rumors are afoot that sexy southern hotness Reese Witherspoon is leaving LA and moving to Charleston SC with her two children. Reese is adorably southern and Charleston is adorably quaint. And her accent? OMG. I feel like hugging a little wrinkly puppy while dancing in a field of poppies, y’all.
Thoroughly disgusted with both marriage and Hollywood, Oscar winner Reese Witherspoon believes firmly in her Southern roots. She has taken her children and moved to Charleston, S.C. Both kids are said to be in public school there. (source)
I’m glad to see Reese is getting back to her southern roots and coming back down to live with her people. Charleston is hip, yet refined, historic without being stodgy and didn’t get ruined in a hurricane last year. Win-win. It’s also dripping with co-eds who are more than eager to welcome you with acts of southern hospitality. Holla back COC & MUSC! Welcome home Reese. We’ll swing by with some mac & cheese and potato salad to get you all settled in.
Here’s about the closest thing I could find to how cute Reese is:
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