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In plotting out this post (uh, yeah, these require massive amounts of gray matter!), I wasn’t sure which has-been “celebrity” to use for a photo to represent the upcoming VH1 show “Celebrity Rehab.” I mean when you’re choosing amongst the singer from a late 90’s one-hit wonder band, a Baldwin brother, and the same-old-same-old VH1 gals Chyna and Brigette Nielsen . . . well, you have slim pickings as far as who is a “celebrity.” So I decided to go with a mug shot, specifically that of Jessica Sierra, reported cast member on the up-and-coming “Celebrity Rehab.” If you don’t know who she is, that’s okay, you shouldn’t–she was in the Top Twelve of some season of “American Idol.” Whatever.

Anyway, VH1 has just announced that “Celebrity Rehab” will air in January. Jessica Sierra along with Daniel Baldwin, Mary Carey, Brigitte Nielsen, Jeff Conway, Chyna, and the singer from the band Crazytown are reportedly in the cast, but VH1 has not officially confirmed this winning bunch.

The reality show will partner with “Dr. Drew” Pinksy who will counsel the patients during their rehab stint. Dr. Drew offers:

“The road to sobriety is not easy and rehabilitation and the recovery process are not to be taken lightly . . . My goal is to lift the veil and help my patients, as well as viewers, understand that if not taken seriously, addiction is a disease that will kill you.”

Yeah, kill you but first make you look like the walking dead if the “celebs” from the cast in the pics below are any indication . . .

If it is at all possible for a female to be a girl a douchebag, then may Miss Lennox proclaim Heidi Montag as big of a douchy as her fiance Spencer Pratt. I had to read her new interview with Blender magazine in bits and pieces–like separated by 30 minute intervals–because the nausea that was rising up in my throat with each of Heidi’s words of wisdom needed time to go back down so that I didn’t appear like a post-binge bulimic.

Apparently Heidi is a girl of many talents and her talent stems back to early childhood:

“I’ve always been singing. I’ve been dancing since I was 2—hip-hop, jazz, tap, everything. I was a wicked stepsister in Cinderella. I was a fairy in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I was Beatrice in . . . an old English play. Acting, singing, dancing —it’s always been in me.”

Wow, Heidi, you did elementary school theater. Totally tantamount to the big screen, yeah. Anyway, let’s talk about the idiot that actually is into her, namely her fiance Spencer Pratt. He offers:

“Heidi is gonna be the biggest pop star in the world . . . you can quote me on that.”

After hearing Heidi’s first single leaked to KISS FM in L.A. a few months ago, my take is, “Heidi’s music and voice f*cking sucks balls.” Oh, and you can quote me on that.

I’d talk about more of the article here, but the nausea is coming back so check out this month’s Blender for the WonderDouche that is Heidi Montag.

Wow. I’m not sure how Jenna Jameson manages to look this wrong. It’s as if she woke up one morning and methodically plotted out how to ruin her curvy, hot body and pretty face. And then she did it. I mean we all have our days where we fantasize about anorexia, but do normal people take it there? No. Oh, wait, normal people don’t fantasize about anorexia? Okay, well, whatever. Anyway, there’s nothing left of Jenna’s former face and body, and it’s sad. Dude, you used to be beautiful…

And why the hell did Heatherette make her a model at their show this week? I believe this is the second time they’ve booked her since her gaunt look surfaced. I adore Heatherette, but this particular choice in models makes no sense to me.

Here’s to hoping that someone kidnaps Jenna and keeps her until she gains 20lbs and the Restalyne in her lips depletes.