Plastic Surgery
Heidi Montag is Sadly Delusional
Nov 15th
If it is at all possible for a female to be a girl a douchebag, then may Miss Lennox proclaim Heidi Montag as big of a douchy as her fiance Spencer Pratt. I had to read her new interview with Blender magazine in bits and pieces–like separated by 30 minute intervals–because the nausea that was rising up in my throat with each of Heidi’s words of wisdom needed time to go back down so that I didn’t appear like a post-binge bulimic.
Apparently Heidi is a girl of many talents and her talent stems back to early childhood:
“I’ve always been singing. I’ve been dancing since I was 2—hip-hop, jazz, tap, everything. I was a wicked stepsister in Cinderella. I was a fairy in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I was Beatrice in . . . an old English play. Acting, singing, dancing —it’s always been in me.”
Wow, Heidi, you did elementary school theater. Totally tantamount to the big screen, yeah. Anyway, let’s talk about the idiot that actually is into her, namely her fiance Spencer Pratt. He offers:
“Heidi is gonna be the biggest pop star in the world . . . you can quote me on that.â€
After hearing Heidi’s first single leaked to KISS FM in L.A. a few months ago, my take is, “Heidi’s music and voice f*cking sucks balls.” Oh, and you can quote me on that.
I’d talk about more of the article here, but the nausea is coming back so check out this month’s Blender for the WonderDouche that is Heidi Montag.
Heatherette Sends in the Clown
Oct 16th
Wow. I’m not sure how Jenna Jameson manages to look this wrong. It’s as if she woke up one morning and methodically plotted out how to ruin her curvy, hot body and pretty face. And then she did it. I mean we all have our days where we fantasize about anorexia, but do normal people take it there? No. Oh, wait, normal people don’t fantasize about anorexia? Okay, well, whatever. Anyway, there’s nothing left of Jenna’s former face and body, and it’s sad. Dude, you used to be beautiful…
And why the hell did Heatherette make her a model at their show this week? I believe this is the second time they’ve booked her since her gaunt look surfaced. I adore Heatherette, but this particular choice in models makes no sense to me.
Here’s to hoping that someone kidnaps Jenna and keeps her until she gains 20lbs and the Restalyne in her lips depletes.
Just a Sweet Transvestite . . .
Oct 2nd
So Miss Lennox is looking at pics of Tori Spelling performing as a Pussycat Doll this weekend and has come to a conclusion. See, I’ve met a few transsexuals, and despite what the gossip is about Tori being a tranny, she is no full transsexual my friend. The transsexual stage performers I know have gone the extra mile to get their masculine faces turned into a soft, female ones courtesy of a good plastic surgeon. Hell, most of ‘em are prettier than I am. But Tori did not take this step.
Thus I am forced to surmise that Miss Spelling is either simply a transvestite with amazing cleavage pads in his bra or a very early pre-op tranny who hasn’t undergone facial feminization just yet. And I’m not sure why he was invited to dance with the Pussycat Dolls given their long history of hot FEMALE celeb guest performers (Christina Aguilera, Gwen Stefani, Charleze Theron, etc . . . ), but he probably appeared a crowd favorite with onlookers intently watching his every move . . . to see if they could spy a penis that had come untapped.
Wait? What? Tori Spelling isn’t a dude?!?!?
Bones Are Not Hot, Angelina
Sep 30th
I know that Angelina Jolie went on Skeleton Alert like six months ago, but I mean, really now! Angelina is actually someone I never expected to go the way of anorexia because she always seemed too cool to be mainstream, and as we all know, every troubled starlet in Hollywood hops on the anorexic train. I expected more out of her.
But I’m pretty sure the question of whether Angelina has implants has been answered by this latest photo of her all gaunt but somehow sporting round breasts. I guess her weight loss has indeed been good for something.
Now enjoy the pics below back from when Angelina looked like the kind of girl Miss Lennox would gladly jump the fence for . . .
