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Looks like Pamela Anderson is getting her own reality show. There’s nothing more real than former Playboy nude model with 38WTF tits, if you ask me. Reality is about to kick fake tv in the face and grope his little sister while he cries, baby. And now links so REAL you can taste it in the back of your throat like a peppercorn from last night’s dinner. BAM!

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Soleil Moon Frye, (tv’s Punky Brewster!) just had a baby. In other news…well there is no other news. She and I have been estranged ever since she committed the cardinal sin: breast reduction. WHY GOD? WHY?

Former Punky Brewster star Soleil Moon Frye and her husband, Jason Goldberg, have welcomed their second child, a girl, the actress’s rep tells PEOPLE exclusively.

Jagger Joseph Blue Goldberg was born Monday in Los Angeles and weighed 8 lbs., 6 oz. The couple also have a 2-year-old daughter, Poet Sienna Rose Goldberg. (PEOPLE)

Did they use a baby book for these, or go into a teepee on a vision quest with 2 oz of  peyote and an issue of Us Weekly? I guess we should have expected some off the wall names from someone whose name means Sun, Moon and a method of cooking involving hot oil immersion, but this just seems like cruelty. If you don’t want your daughter to be the feature act in an all nude BYOB strip club bar by the time she’s 17, then don’t give her a stage name the day she’s born. Plus if my wife tried to name my kid after a rock star I would get a paternity test immediately. Whore.

You know what’s super annoying? Celebs who have plastic surgery and won’t admit it til nearly two years later. Ashlee Simpson’s stupid “I don’t know, did I or didn’t I?” refusals to admit to fixing her nose (and Lord knows what else) is as ridiculous as Michael Jackson saying a skin condition turned his skin white. It’s like when you have a huge nose your whole life and all of a sudden it looks waaaaaaay different, JUST COME OUT AND ADMIT THE NOSE JOB WHEN YOU’RE ASKED ABOUT IT! Did Ashlee really think the public was so stupid that we all thought her nose just morphed on its own?!?! Anyway, in this week’s issue of US Weekly, Ashlee finally admits to surgery way after the fact, and at this point no one cares anymore.

Take a look at Ashlee pre nose-job from 2002-2005 . . .

In plotting out this post (uh, yeah, these require massive amounts of gray matter!), I wasn’t sure which has-been “celebrity” to use for a photo to represent the upcoming VH1 show “Celebrity Rehab.” I mean when you’re choosing amongst the singer from a late 90’s one-hit wonder band, a Baldwin brother, and the same-old-same-old VH1 gals Chyna and Brigette Nielsen . . . well, you have slim pickings as far as who is a “celebrity.” So I decided to go with a mug shot, specifically that of Jessica Sierra, reported cast member on the up-and-coming “Celebrity Rehab.” If you don’t know who she is, that’s okay, you shouldn’t–she was in the Top Twelve of some season of “American Idol.” Whatever.

Anyway, VH1 has just announced that “Celebrity Rehab” will air in January. Jessica Sierra along with Daniel Baldwin, Mary Carey, Brigitte Nielsen, Jeff Conway, Chyna, and the singer from the band Crazytown are reportedly in the cast, but VH1 has not officially confirmed this winning bunch.

The reality show will partner with “Dr. Drew” Pinksy who will counsel the patients during their rehab stint. Dr. Drew offers:

“The road to sobriety is not easy and rehabilitation and the recovery process are not to be taken lightly . . . My goal is to lift the veil and help my patients, as well as viewers, understand that if not taken seriously, addiction is a disease that will kill you.”

Yeah, kill you but first make you look like the walking dead if the “celebs” from the cast in the pics below are any indication . . .

If it is at all possible for a female to be a girl a douchebag, then may Miss Lennox proclaim Heidi Montag as big of a douchy as her fiance Spencer Pratt. I had to read her new interview with Blender magazine in bits and pieces–like separated by 30 minute intervals–because the nausea that was rising up in my throat with each of Heidi’s words of wisdom needed time to go back down so that I didn’t appear like a post-binge bulimic.

Apparently Heidi is a girl of many talents and her talent stems back to early childhood:

“I’ve always been singing. I’ve been dancing since I was 2—hip-hop, jazz, tap, everything. I was a wicked stepsister in Cinderella. I was a fairy in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I was Beatrice in . . . an old English play. Acting, singing, dancing —it’s always been in me.”

Wow, Heidi, you did elementary school theater. Totally tantamount to the big screen, yeah. Anyway, let’s talk about the idiot that actually is into her, namely her fiance Spencer Pratt. He offers:

“Heidi is gonna be the biggest pop star in the world . . . you can quote me on that.”

After hearing Heidi’s first single leaked to KISS FM in L.A. a few months ago, my take is, “Heidi’s music and voice f*cking sucks balls.” Oh, and you can quote me on that.

I’d talk about more of the article here, but the nausea is coming back so check out this month’s Blender for the WonderDouche that is Heidi Montag.

Wow. I’m not sure how Jenna Jameson manages to look this wrong. It’s as if she woke up one morning and methodically plotted out how to ruin her curvy, hot body and pretty face. And then she did it. I mean we all have our days where we fantasize about anorexia, but do normal people take it there? No. Oh, wait, normal people don’t fantasize about anorexia? Okay, well, whatever. Anyway, there’s nothing left of Jenna’s former face and body, and it’s sad. Dude, you used to be beautiful…

And why the hell did Heatherette make her a model at their show this week? I believe this is the second time they’ve booked her since her gaunt look surfaced. I adore Heatherette, but this particular choice in models makes no sense to me.

Here’s to hoping that someone kidnaps Jenna and keeps her until she gains 20lbs and the Restalyne in her lips depletes.

So Miss Lennox is looking at pics of Tori Spelling performing as a Pussycat Doll this weekend and has come to a conclusion. See, I’ve met a few transsexuals, and despite what the gossip is about Tori being a tranny, she is no full transsexual my friend. The transsexual stage performers I know have gone the extra mile to get their masculine faces turned into a soft, female ones courtesy of a good plastic surgeon. Hell, most of ‘em are prettier than I am. But Tori did not take this step.

Thus I am forced to surmise that Miss Spelling is either simply a transvestite with amazing cleavage pads in his bra or a very early pre-op tranny who hasn’t undergone facial feminization just yet. And I’m not sure why he was invited to dance with the Pussycat Dolls given their long history of hot FEMALE celeb guest performers (Christina Aguilera, Gwen Stefani, Charleze Theron, etc . . . ), but he probably appeared a crowd favorite with onlookers intently watching his every move . . . to see if they could spy a penis that had come untapped.

Wait? What? Tori Spelling isn’t a dude?!?!?

I know that Angelina Jolie went on Skeleton Alert like six months ago, but I mean, really now! Angelina is actually someone I never expected to go the way of anorexia because she always seemed too cool to be mainstream, and as we all know, every troubled starlet in Hollywood hops on the anorexic train. I expected more out of her.

But I’m pretty sure the question of whether Angelina has implants has been answered by this latest photo of her all gaunt but somehow sporting round breasts. I guess her weight loss has indeed been good for something.

Now enjoy the pics below back from when Angelina looked like the kind of girl Miss Lennox would gladly jump the fence for . . .

It’s okay to hate Ashlee Simpson. Say what you want about how poseurish her whole black hair, punk days were; I agree. Insist that you hate her music and her voice; again, I agree. Recall how idiotic her little jig dance was on Saturday Night Live after she exposed herself as a lip-syncher and got nervous; very true–she looked ridiculous. But let me tell you what she managed to do that I admire–Ashlee became pretty.

Ashlee’s new album’s promotional pics have just been released, and I have to hand it to her–the girl has done well with her new look. Her surgeon really is to be commended. As well, her stylist has brought back her blonde hair and softened her look. Her smaller nose and softer look render her very feminine, and gone is her whole fake-punk, tough-girl look and act. Dare I say it? Ashlee is hot! That is something I thought I’d never say a couple of years ago. Check out the additional new promotional pics below.

I believe Rose McGowan is the only celebrity whose plastic surgery resulted in her looking older as opposed to younger. Rose is only 34 but that eye job has her looking like she could be the slightly younger sister of Blanche the on Golden Girls who shows up in Miami and battles it out with Blanche for men. I mean seriously, she looks OLD!

Apparently Hollywood execs are not enjoying her new face either, and it supposedly cost her a major movie role as well.

I’m really marveling at how such a beautiful girl can turn into what looks like the spawn of Michael Jackson and Dixie Carter. I guess cheek implants and an eye lift can do that to a person. Strange, with all the money that she spent on her face overhaul, Miss Lennox cannot help to notice that she could have at least spent $600 to have her yellow teeth whitened! Well anyway, below you can compare pre-surgery pics of Rose to additional ones of her from this past weekend.