Photos
Salma Hayek and her motherly knockers
Jun 5th
I said goddamn, Salma! This is a very preggo Salma Hayek at some charitable function for some charitable cause that we don’t give two flying charitable whacks about..except, we do care because we’re red-blooded Americans who appreciate a ridiculous plunging neckline showing off those radiant, voluptuous love nests. I’m pretty sure those 36QQs are the stuff dreams are made of. I even have a spot of drool on my chin as I type. A spot of drool? When did I become British? Oh well, cheerio…suckas!
On a related note, how much nutrition does an adult gain from breastfeeding? I bet Wikipedia knows…
Avril is a super loser
May 21st
 
Singer Avril Lavigne is stirring up gossip over her image for the June cover of Blender magazine, where she is featured seemingly naked from the waist up. Oooh, sinner.
Truth be told, Lavigne revealed to us before taking the stage last night, the photo shoot was a little more innocent than you think. “Actually, I’m not topless on the cover,” she said. “I was wearing a tube top, and they just kind of put a banner on top of it.”
Even if she’s not topless, the 22-year-old is still flaunting her inner bad girl. “The Blender shoot was really fun because it was super rock and roll  we had a bottle of [whiskey] and ate cupcakes,” she said. “Everyone was super cool. It was definitely a different kind of photo shoot for me.” (source)
Cupcakes are so fucking rock‘n’roll. I bet if you slice open Mick Jagger, (besides dust) you’d find a tourniquet, a stripper and dozens of tiny cupcakes. Chocolate ones, with fuckin’ sprinkles. Becuase nothing says rock like tiny baked confections. Except, not. Avril is anything but rock‘n’roll. She’s a 22 year old whino from Canada who thinks she’s badass because she cusses and dates sk8er bois. If she were a real rock chick, she’d be naked in that photo giving Joe Perry a handjob while another girl tongues her Lizard King breast tattoo. But most importantly, she wouldn’t be talking about it because she wouldn’t have to. Can you believe these new girls? None of them use birth control and they eat all the steak. Whores. Here’s Avril at the Maxim Hot 100 Party.
Tricia Helfer (not) in Playboy but still nude!
Jan 17th
Sci-Fi star Trisha Helfer sets aside the “Six-y” Cylon world to pose for Playboy. See what I did there? Who says girls can’t love sci-fi?
Tricia Helfer plays an evil machine on “Battlestar Galactica,” but the sexy Cylon may cause her fans to short-circuit when they see the latest edition of Playboy.
“I hope people like them,” Helfer told The Post of her 10-page nude pictorial shot by famed shutterbug Sante D’Orazio. “I know I do.” (source)
I’m not surprised. It’s always the unsuspecting ones, like the Sci-Fi chick, or the Catholic school English teacher, the burger joint French fry queen…your mom. Trekkie convention is just a glorified name for orgy and Deep Space Nine sounds like low-budget porn on Cinemax After Dark (PPV!). And the Twelve Colonies of Kobol are simply nudist, self-indulgent, hedonistic havens. Regardless, Trisha’s hot and I would park my Enterprise in her Final Frontier any day. Let’s just say I’ll take a ‘ NumberSix’ with ’7 of 9′ any day. I don’t know, whatever, just go with it. Nerd. Get your game hand ready, here’s more science fictionly cyborg semi-nakedness. By the way, these photos are not from Playboy.
UPDATE: PLAYBOY IMAGES REMOVED BY REQUEST
And by request, I mean Tatyana from Playboy Inc complained to my hosting company, Godaddy, instead of contacting me and they shut my site down. I moved to a new server, but the images from this post only exist in my mind. And in Tatyana’s mind. Because she’s dirty. If you have any royalty free Tricia Helfer’s let me know.
Bad, Britney, Bad Britney!
Dec 20th
Britney Spears was recently voted ‘world’s worst celebrity dog owner’. When asked about owner Britney, her dogs replied, “woof woof, bitch, bark bark”.
Britney Spears’ parenting skills are being called into question once again. This time she’s been voted the world’s worst celebrity dog owner in an online vote conducted by two dog magazines.
“Britney was the overwhelming choice,” Hilary O’Hagan, editor of The New York Dog and The Hollywood Dog magazines, said in a statement picked up by the Associated Press.
“She once had three Chihuahuas … and never left home without at least one of them on her arm,” O’Hagan said. “As soon as she met K-Fed and had kids they (the dogs) disappeared.”
Paris Hilton placed second for “treating her dogs like accessories.” Oprah Winfrey, who owns five dogs (not including Stedman), was voted this year’s best celebrity dog owner. The talk-show host replaced 2005 winner Joss Stone, and beat out fellow dog owners Tori Spelling and Nicollette Sheridan. (source)
When I see Britney, a lot of worsts come to mind, like: worst woman to sing at your funeral, or worst candidate for an underwear ad, or worst posterchild for literacy…the list goes on. But you’ve got to be a special kind of stupid to be voted worst celebrity dog owner by not one, but two, dog magazines. Owning a dog is easy: eat, sleep, poop, fetch. It’s not rocket science, we’re dealing with a creature that licks its butt and goes for the fake ball throw every time.
