Fatback Media

It is customary that when a hot Hollywood couple has a baby they whore the kid out to as many media magazines as possible. In this case it is Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz’s kid and so far there are no taker. No one wants to see their little Mowgli. Bad name right? So far Ashlee has contacted “every” news outlet and none of them want to give the couple money for the first exclusive shots of their new baby. which leads me to one conclusion, the baby is butt ugly.

It is being said by Page Six that the magazine covers that feature Simpson, Wentz or Simpson and Wentz tend not to sell well. Why would that be? Ashlee is very attractive and Pete Wentz has a lot of killer tattoos. I guess you don’t see them featured in tabloid mags mainly because Ashlee is famous for being famous. Her music career is in the toilet and her videos are awful that may only be contended with the likes of Heidi Montag. Pete has a successful band but he doesn’t have any “look at me” quality to him. It kind of makes you wonder why Ashlee is famous at all. I feel sorry for the poor folks, so if some pictures surface of Mowgli I will post them here. He can’t be any uglier than his name.

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OK. So she doesn’t go out clubbing every night and the paparazzi don’t snap exclusive pictures of Ashlee Simpson passing out drunk in SUV’s but Ashlee Simpson is still interesting. Right? Apparently, with Ashlee eating lemons and “bouncing off the walls” in an attempt to induce labor, it finally worked. Yesterday Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz welcomed their first baby Bronx Mowgli Wentz to the world.

I am sure when the baby first arrived Ashlee was exhausted from labor and Pete had guyliner running down his face because of the tears. By the way, what the fuck is up with the weird name? I understand a name like Bronx, this is an attempt to make the baby sound more like an Angelina Jolie baby. Apparently people like Ashlee and Pete had normal names in grade school so they have no idea what it is like to be made fun of for having a weird name. Bronx Mowgli Wentz. B.M.W. What snobs.

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According to Us and Ok!, Ashlee Simpson is pregnant. According to Pete Wentz, the alleged baby daddy, Ashlee Simpson is not pregnant. Pregnancy is like a train; once it’s left the station there’s no turning back. Unless you decide that the train just doesn’t fit into your lifestyle and you crash the shit out of the train and put it in the dumpster outback with a bunch of other unwanted trains and hope that one day you’ll take the train again when the time is right, but for now career and travel are much too important. I am the king of metaphor.

From Us :

Ashlee Simpson is pregnant, a source confirmed to Usmagazine.com.The singer, 23, is expecting her first child with fiancé Pete Wentz, 28.Simpson and the Fall Out Boy bassist announced their engagement Wednesday.”We are thrilled to confirm their engagement and congratulate this happy couple,” a spokesperson for the couple told Us. “Beyond that there is nothing to say.”

MTV says, fuck that noize, beeotch:

In an e-mail to MTV News, Wentz denied reports that surfaced Monday (April 14) on the Web sites of OK! magazine and Us Weekly that he and Simpson, 23, are expecting their first child.

“There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood,” he wrote. “This is all news to me. I can’t wait for the story about how I’m really in a gay relationship and this is all just a cover. … I mean really, this is crazy. … I mean we’re engaged, that’s true, and happy about it.”

So if I’m reading this right, Pete Wentz is trying to get out of responsibility for a child he fathered by being gay. Well played, Pete. Well played. Down south we hand;e that situation differently. You either move to the next county or give the girl a Scarlett O’Hara. More Ashlee when she was hot. Fiddledeedee.