Fatback Media

According to Us and Ok!, Ashlee Simpson is pregnant. According to Pete Wentz, the alleged baby daddy, Ashlee Simpson is not pregnant. Pregnancy is like a train; once it’s left the station there’s no turning back. Unless you decide that the train just doesn’t fit into your lifestyle and you crash the shit out of the train and put it in the dumpster outback with a bunch of other unwanted trains and hope that one day you’ll take the train again when the time is right, but for now career and travel are much too important. I am the king of metaphor.

From Us :

Ashlee Simpson is pregnant, a source confirmed to Usmagazine.com.The singer, 23, is expecting her first child with fiancé Pete Wentz, 28.Simpson and the Fall Out Boy bassist announced their engagement Wednesday.”We are thrilled to confirm their engagement and congratulate this happy couple,” a spokesperson for the couple told Us. “Beyond that there is nothing to say.”

MTV says, fuck that noize, beeotch:

In an e-mail to MTV News, Wentz denied reports that surfaced Monday (April 14) on the Web sites of OK! magazine and Us Weekly that he and Simpson, 23, are expecting their first child.

“There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood,” he wrote. “This is all news to me. I can’t wait for the story about how I’m really in a gay relationship and this is all just a cover. … I mean really, this is crazy. … I mean we’re engaged, that’s true, and happy about it.”

So if I’m reading this right, Pete Wentz is trying to get out of responsibility for a child he fathered by being gay. Well played, Pete. Well played. Down south we hand;e that situation differently. You either move to the next county or give the girl a Scarlett O’Hara. More Ashlee when she was hot. Fiddledeedee.

You’d think Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards would be a pedophile’s dream, yet it seems that the event was mostly filled with geriatrics . . . you know, the 25+ crowd. I mean you had your usual teenage suspects Miley Cyrus and Hayden Panettiere in attendance–by the way, nice ass shot for the kids, Hayden!–but you also had Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Love Hewitt and her Hips, and a very pregnant Jessica Alba. And speaking of Jessica Alba, is she there as a role model for 8 year olds who aspire to become pregnant before marriage? Well, I guess she is a better choice than Jamie Lynn Spears. Also, when you check out the pics from the Kids’ Choice Awards, notice Rihanna’s strange, strange face. She looks like a goddamn Star Trek character if you ask me . . .

OMG. I just heard that Fall Out Boy bassist (and Ashless Simpson’s BF) tried to kill himself. OMG. NO! Except not.

Pete Wentz has revealed that he once was so “completely lost and out of control” he tried to take his own life.

Wentz, 28, says he had seen several doctors who gave him prescription drugs but things worsened around the time his band had finished recording their major label record a few years ago.

“I got in my car. I remember I was listening to Jeff Buckley doing Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” and sat there and took a bunch of [anxiety drug] Ativan in a Best Buy parking lot,” Wentz says in a video for MTV’s college channel MTVU.

“And I called up my manager because I was, at that point, completely out of my head with Ativan. And I was talking to him and I was slurring my words, so he called my mom and my mom called me and she came and got me and we went to the hospital.” (Us Magazine)

First of all, I tried to kill myself just now reading this lame ass story. Turns out you can’t make your own head explode like on Scanners. Also, is he fucking kidding? I don’t know what’s worse: trying to off yourself with Ativan (the aspirin of anxiety pills) in the Target Parking lot listening to sad songs like a teenage girl, or your mom driving over in her mini-van to save your crying ass and hugging it out on the way to the hospital.

Obligatory stuff: Teenage All suicide is no joke and the JED Foundation actually helps kids who are in trouble. Don’t kill yourself. Please. Or I will call you a huge pussy.

Here are some pictures of Ashlee Simpson, whom despite being utterly annoying, still manages to be hot.