Fatback Media

Last year Paris Hilton starred in a film called Pledge This! It was a monumental flop and at the time people were making a big hullabaloo over the fact that she didn’t show up to the red carpet U.S. premiere, because Paris never misses a red carpet event, and that she cancelled on a couple of late night talk shows she was scheduled to do to promote the film.

National Lampoons didn’t like this and sued Paris for over $8 million. As of today, the court threw out the case but it is possible that Paris will have to pay the $1 million she made in the movie which is basically one Carls Jr. ad for the socialite. To help pay the $1 million to the producers, Paris is charging the crabs that live on her crotch rent at $200 a week each.

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Not too long ago Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt called it quits on their relationship. Apparently Paris got sick of having sex in bathrooms of night clubs and sucking face in public. But now she is back with Doug Reinhardt, as of a few weeks ago. Doug Reinhardt looks like a cool guy, not the typical douche bag that socialites like Paris Hilton usually dates.

Usually at or around this time I get very jealous and don’t want Paris Hilton dating anyone but me. As sweet as it would be to fuck her, I know in real life that I wouldn’t even if I had the chance because I am not a big fan of little crabs crawling around on my balls and causing me to scratch them until I bleed. However, if Doug likes bumps on his wee-wee from Paris’ hoo-ha, then no one can really stop him.

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Paris Hilton has a new documentary on MTV called Paris, Not France and in it she claims that her being a stupid slut is all an act and that she makes a lot of money at doing just that. Problem is, she comes across as a stupid slut in the documentary. Is it all an act? Is she fooling us all by CONSTANTLY acting stupid, and slutty, or a stupid slut.

She claims she makes a lot of money doing what she does. Which is nothing. The thing is, the only thing she has made money at, besides her show My New BFFis pretty much only her sex tape. And that was her in all her sluttiness glory. And then, when you think she doesn’t get any sluttier, another one comes out. I will never understand how the intelligent and driven Nicky Hilton ever shared a fetus with this broad.

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