Not too long ago Paris Hilton moved in with her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt and since living there, she has already pissed off the cops tp no end just like she did at her house. She has loud parties and people are always stopping by and now the cops are saying that if they get one more complaint they are going to issue tickets and make arrests.

As cool as it would be to see Paris Hilton go to jail again, I think she has learned her lesson. I don’t see why she hasn’t been attention whoring herself (well not as much) as she used to. She used to go to a club and party all night and get hammered and be photographed leaving the bar with a new dude on her shoulder every night but now she has settled down. I say BOO! Loud parties aren’t gonna keep you in the headlines Paris. Make another tape so I can keep you on my relevancy radar.

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In some place called Auckland, a billboard is being advertised as having a vacant space and is open to potential advertisers. The only hang up is that it displays Paris Hilton as the “vacant” image. I guess they are saying that Paris Hilton is vacant and not all there upstairs but I am not sure why this country use their own damn celebrity to show space is available.

I should probably be offended by this as I am an American and I consider Paris Hilton American royalty but since I make fun of her for a living, I will simply point and laugh. ::points, laughs::

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Paris Hilton has crawled out of her movie role slump and has actually gotten a pretty decent role. Of course this will require zero acting because she is going to play herself. Apparently she will only be on the set for one day but she is demanding a bottle of Grey Goose vodka and live lobsters to be prepared for that day.

If I were in charge of the celebrity demands, I would give her live crawdads and a bottle of Smirnoff ice. That should send a message. Of course if Paris really got hungry she could just boil some of those crabs that are crawling around on her crotch but I hear the vagisil she rubs on everyday would make them taste soapy. Paris does not like soapy.

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Last year Paris Hilton starred in a film called Pledge This! It was a monumental flop and at the time people were making a big hullabaloo over the fact that she didn’t show up to the red carpet U.S. premiere, because Paris never misses a red carpet event, and that she cancelled on a couple of late night talk shows she was scheduled to do to promote the film.

National Lampoons didn’t like this and sued Paris for over $8 million. As of today, the court threw out the case but it is possible that Paris will have to pay the $1 million she made in the movie which is basically one Carls Jr. ad for the socialite. To help pay the $1 million to the producers, Paris is charging the crabs that live on her crotch rent at $200 a week each.

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Not too long ago Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt called it quits on their relationship. Apparently Paris got sick of having sex in bathrooms of night clubs and sucking face in public. But now she is back with Doug Reinhardt, as of a few weeks ago. Doug Reinhardt looks like a cool guy, not the typical douche bag that socialites like Paris Hilton usually dates.

Usually at or around this time I get very jealous and don’t want Paris Hilton dating anyone but me. As sweet as it would be to fuck her, I know in real life that I wouldn’t even if I had the chance because I am not a big fan of little crabs crawling around on my balls and causing me to scratch them until I bleed. However, if Doug likes bumps on his wee-wee from Paris’ hoo-ha, then no one can really stop him.

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Paris Hilton has a new documentary on MTV called Paris, Not France and in it she claims that her being a stupid slut is all an act and that she makes a lot of money at doing just that. Problem is, she comes across as a stupid slut in the documentary. Is it all an act? Is she fooling us all by CONSTANTLY acting stupid, and slutty, or a stupid slut.

She claims she makes a lot of money doing what she does. Which is nothing. The thing is, the only thing she has made money at, besides her show My New BFFis pretty much only her sex tape. And that was her in all her sluttiness glory. And then, when you think she doesn’t get any sluttier, another one comes out. I will never understand how the intelligent and driven Nicky Hilton ever shared a fetus with this broad.

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Links that have slept with at least 200 people in their lifetime

Something for the ladies- IDLYITW

Mila Jovovich is still alive- Drunken Stepfather

Jennifer Connelly and Rosario Dawson are in bikinis- Celeb News Wire

What the fuck happened to Rihanna’s hair?- yeeeah

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Megan Fox is doing some promotion- IDLYITW

Paris Hilton. She loves many things. But The Hillsis not one of them. She actually had the balls to say, ” The show is,like, so lame and fake. He [ Doug Reinhardt] doesn’t even want to be a part of it.” Here is Paris Hilton the fakest chick in the world saying that she doesn’t like The Hills. I just always assumed this whole time that the shows main audience was people just like Paris Hilton.

She also says that she has never watched the show but that is bullshit because that is where she found her most recent boyfriend Doug Reinhardt. If he wasn’t famous in some small way, Paris would have NOTHING to do with him. In fact, I heard once that when Paris is single, she spends most of her time looking for boyfriends on IMDB.com. Kind of like a match.com for the wealthy.

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Links that are faker than Pamela Anderson’s bejublees

Brooke Hogan. Still trying harder than anyone else to be famous- IDLYITW

Hilary Duff. Cause she’s hot- Drunken Stepfather

Katie Holmes needs sex- Celeb News Wire

Two d-listers get engaged- Amy Grindhouse

haylie Duff looks uglier after the nose job- yeeeah

Jessica Biel has a nice dumper- I Don’t Want Your Life

Adam Lambert. Is he gay? Isn’t he? Yea, he’s gay- IDLYITW

Rihanna to testify in court in Chris Brown case- notorious news

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are too good for Britain’s Got Talent- Holy Moly

The future of The Hills- IBBB

Lauren Conrad thinks she’s interesting- Allie Is Wired

Kris Allen and Adam Lambert discuss the upcoming Idol tour- Geno’s World

Viva La Viral- mashup- popbytes

Freddie Prinze Jr. found work! – Seriously? OMG! WTF?

If you have been paying attention to the tabloids lately, then you know Paris Hilton is totally gaga over her new boyfriend Doug Reinhardt. The two sluts have been slutting it up everywhere. The most recent incident happened on a friends yacht at Cannes. What the fuck is up with Cannes anyway? Does that shit just last forever, and when you attend and are a celebrity you get a free yacht. Every single story going on in the media takes place on a yacht.

Anyway, Paris and Doug weren’t on board for long because when her and her boyfriend took their make-out sessions to the next level and went to the bathroom, apparently to have sex, the friend Dave who invited Paris spotted them and booted her off the boat. Apparently the entire ship including the captain erupted in applause when the two exited the vessel. That is a bunch of bullshit though. No one applauded.

It is also being reported that when the captain pulled away from the shore the captain mooned Paris and screamed, ” Paris is a poopy pants! She likes to make stinky!” Yea he probably didn’t say that either, but hey, it’s rumor.

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Paris Hilton recently moved back to the Hollywood hills. I am sure everyone just missed her like crazy. Or not. Either way she had a HUGE party and everyone who was anyone showed up to welcome her back. The party lasted until 4 a.m. and the neighbors got pissed and called the cops because of the noise.

After they finally got back to sleep then woke up the next morning and found their cars keyed and egged. People think Paris wouldn’t stoop to such the low level to do such a thing, but I think she arranged the vandalism and provided the eggs. Among the cars keyed was two Bentleys, two Maseratis and a $1.4 million Bugatti Veyron. When is she gonna grow up? I hope karma pays her back and gives her an STD. What’s that? She already has all of them? Well that doesn’t surprise me. In fact her poon tang is so riddled with disease the only way she can treat the condition is to have sex which actually shakes loose some of the crabs.

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Links that prefer toilet paper over eggs

Megan Fox is bi-sexual. Hooray! – IDLYITW

Ghetto brawl- Drunken Stepfather

Sam Lutfi is going to have to pay Britney Spears’ legal bills- Amy Grindhouse

Harriet Carter Wednesday- IBBB

Jennifer Love Hewitt has a “love”ly dress. I should be shot for making that joke- I Don’t Want Your Life

Marilyn Manson looks like a cult leader- yeeeah

Kong Kardashian is a mermaid- IDLYITW 

I see Paris Hilton’s tushy- Celeb News Wire

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Night At The Museum 2 looks like shit- Holy Moly

Katie Price is trying to score with a gay guy- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Vanessa Anne Hudgens said she will get naked for a movie- Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Owain Yeoman for the ladies- popbytes

Geno’s World pisses off Kirstie Alley on Twitter- Geno’s World

Helen Phillips wins The Biggest Loser – notorious news

Well this isn’t exactly ground breaking news, but it needs to be said. Paris Hilton, who when asked if she kept a diary for her business meetings said, ” I just press my name and Google it and see.” Paris who is very much so in love with herself, is being sued for $8 million for not promoting her movie Pledge This! in 2006. When the movie was being released everyone and everyone in the blog world was already making fun of it, and because of that, Paris felt like a fool and didn’t promote the movie.

The thing is, she was a producer and stilldidn’t promote it. She doesn’t even know what producers do. She was called upon to testify in court and when asked about calls from the producers she said, ” With my phone I never know, because I lose it all the time. I probably get a new cell phone, like, every two weeks.” She is rich but I doubt she actually does that. The lawyers then took the natural next step and pulled from evidence her phone bill at the time, which she replied, ” I’ve never seen a phone bill of mine in my life.” How pathetic is that? Who pays her bills? Daddy?

Basically Paris is full of shit and the court didn’t take her “playing stupid” too well. Finally they got down to the nitty gritty and asked her about her not promoting the film and her role as a producer. She plays stupid again saying, ” I’m not sure what a producer does, but- I don’t know, help get cool people in the cast?” I don’t know if she succeeded at that, but there were a lot of hot chicks in the movie and that makes it pretty cool. I am one of the 12 people who actually saw the movie.

So to summarize, Paris is a moron, and she will lose this case. When that happens, we will all join in a collective point at laugh at Paris Hilton. I don’t know what laugh I will use. Either the Milton Haha or the more sinister Buhahahaha!

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