"please to bring vodka, tovarisch..."

Get your bunkers filled with twinkies and lite beer, comrades. The Cold war = on like donkey kong!

This is accused spy Anna Chapman giving the Russian salute. Apparently all Russian chicks are exactly like you think  they are:

1. They’re hot
2. They have sexy accents
3. They fucking hate everything about you
4. They’re all spies
5. They love vodka sex

Recently arrested and still alleged Russian spy, Anna Chapman’s ex-husband (read: mark) is pissed that he’s not getting that anymore doing his patriotic duty and releasing nude photos information vital to the investigation. Let’s go down to Gorky Park and listen to the winds of change with NOTW:

For the first time Alex Chapman opens the full classified file – including compromising snaps – on the beauty arrested as a Moscow agent in the US.

He tells how James Bond-loving temptress Anna had a 007-style mile high romp on a plane from London to the Russian capital as their passion reached its height.

And how the 28-year-old femme fatale loved to wear nipple clamps and wield a WHIP like an interrogator as they were Ivan it off.

“I found her Russian accent such a turn-on,” says Alex, 30, who had no idea she was honing her sexy spying skills on him. “She was the most beautiful person I had ever met, with an extraordinary body, and I was infatuated with her.

But their relationship was to be built on secrets and lies.

Kinda like the secrets and lies MI5 and MI6 were duped with as Russians infiltrated your agencies for 40 years! Zing! Aw..too soon? I simply have no problem basing my relationship with a smoking hot red-head Russian spy on secrecy and lies  - and sex, myah sladkaya, lots of vokda sex. Na Strovya!

Or Am I just old fashioned and missing the point that would be indicative of the Apocalypse–that Playboy is a PR vehicle used to clean up an image?!? Wow, the times they are a-changin. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a newsstand to get to . . . I mean do want to see Kim naked!

PS. Here are some of the nude Kim Kardashian pics from Crave.

Crave Online: Funny Videos, Sexy Videos, Music Videos, Movie Trailers, and More!

Anyway, amidst the pics of Bootz’ copious ass, there is an interview in which she comments on the veracity of the “Flavor of Love” series:

“[Flav] had a female pregnant while he was taping the show, so it wasn’t serious from the gate. To me, the show was comedy. How are you going to try to pick a woman and you already got somebody pregnant? From day one, Flav said that he didn’t want a girlfriend. He was never going to tell us, ‘This show is full of shit,’ but after I heard that, I played the game.”

No way! I had no idea that the show was staged/scripted/bullshit/a joke. Yeah right. Anyway, please go enjoy Bootz’s ass pictures and let’s all say a collective prayer that SmoothGirl mag will not be featuring “Hottie” next!

Yeah, I’ll say it. Who. Gives. A. Fuck.

There. Now the rest of the world can thumb their noses at little ol’ Valkyrie, a girl who doesn’t give two shits about the Becks bending whatever it is he bends, or some dumbass NFL player who was dumb enough to get caught in a dog fighting racket. Nope, and I don’t care about the welfare of these dogs. Why? Because I don’t. I’m betting about a few million other people don’t either.

Oh, there will be a ton of pissed off PETA bitches whining about the poor, loyal pit bulls and other doggies who got bit the fuck up and killed.

Yeah, well, fuck ‘em.

I have an idea that will solve my give-a-fuckedness. Take the Bex, Vick, and four or five fighting pit bulls, put them all in a large enclosure with an electric fence and a closed circuit camera. Sell video.

Now that’s something I would love to cover. So why do I have pictures of hot naked biker chicks? Well, because that’s way hotter than dead doggies, sugar! PS. Sorry about the pic of your mom. Slut!

It rhymes! I don’t even know who Emily Scott is, but what I do know is that she’s pasting her sweet ass on every gentleman‘s magazine in town, and to that I give a roaring “hell yeah”. And that’s not sexist, because I’m a girl. And keeping true to form, this is sinfully hot Emily doing it yet again for the July issue of FHM UK (pics source). Would you expect any less though? With a name like Emily, she’s sure to be charming and devilishly clever. So much so I bet you don’t realize your wallet’s missing even now, do you? Sucka! Go buy the magazine if you want to see more or if you’d like to see  Emily Scott naked check the archives.

Rolling Stone’s June issue is set to feature Johnny Depp and Keith Richards, stars of the upcoming Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. Richards will be playing Cap’n Jack Sparrow’s (Depp) father.

It’s damn near typecasting, since Depp admits he used Richards as a model for the dreadlocked, mascaraed Jack. As Roger Ebert wrote, “Depp seems to be channeling a drunken drag queen, with his eyeliner and the way he minces ashore and slurs his dialogue ever so insouciantly.”

RS also insouciantly added:

Depp’s trailer is movie-star expansive and well swabbed with couches and wall tapestries, yet the joint also has the scary vibe of a voodoo lounge. After all, Richards, a certified wild card, recently told a Brit magazine that he was so close to his late dad, Bert, that he snorted his ashes with a bit of blow… Days earlier, [a] reporter earned the wrath of Keith for mistaking Richards’ famed skull ring for an Iggy Pop copy. The blunder led the rock icon to threaten the journalist with sodomy by banana.(source)

It’s no secret I have a weakness for badass rockstars with attitudes, so the news of Keith threatening sodomy by banana MADE MY FUCKING DAY. This story isn’t southern and it isn’t sexy, but it’s a riot. Not all celebrity gossip is filled with hot women with ginormous racks, you greedy bastards. Learn to appreciate the finer things in life, like fine wine, good music, strippers who accept checks and coked-out 60 year old rockstars.

And because I know you only come here for the gratuitous tit and ass shots, here’s some photos of ultra hot Karolina Kurkova. You can’t pronounce it, but you don’t need to. Kisses!

-Em.

Call your mother. So she can slap your ass and spray-paint your panties ’cause I’M BACK, BITCHES! Your favorite potty-mouthed sweetcake has resurfaced for some sexy, southern action and I figure there’s no better comeback than a nip-slip! Former “OC”? star Mischa Barton was caught by cameras last night in London at The Berkeley Hotel. Thank you, sweet cameraman’ err, cameraperson, or whore. Whatever. We’re not sexist here at FB&C. Oh fuck it, yes we are.

I’ve traveled abroad, and it’s something about the jet lag and cheap first-class champagne that makes you want to show your tits on the street corner. Or maybe that’s just me? Cheerio! NSFW after the jump you dirty birds.

In a marketing ploy that could only have been thought up by a gang of bonged out monkeys, www.searchwithkevin.com is a new online search engine that allows users to “Search the internet with Kevin Federline!” By using the site you can win autographed K-Fed memorabilia, although sadly, used wife-beaters, uncreased Yankees hats, and gold chains aren’t being offered. The same company that came up with this idea is also behind a few new promotions that you might see in the coming weeks–”Pick up chicks with Pacman Jones”, “Needle safety with Pete Doherty”, and “Contraceptive use with Tom Brady”.

In the meantime, check out these pics of Alabama-bred hottie Courtney Cox. Sure, she played an eye-gougingly huge pain in the ass on TV, but she’s still a smoking-hot MILF and a potential cougar rolled into one. Enjoy, you little bastards.

Reality show supergroup offspring Supernova didn’t make the headlines quite as planned. In fact their flaccidly hyped album, which should have been a rock icon wet dream, failed to break thorugh the Billboard Top 100 this week. Supenova. the bell tolls for thee. Jugga junn junn. Jugga junn JUNN.

Rock Star: Supernova, the latest spawn of reality guru Mark Burnett’s Rock Star franchise, had all the earmarks of a true supergroup – members from Motley Crue, Metallica and Guns N’ Roses; a high-profile personality in drummer Tommy Lee; and a predecessor in INXS, whose “Rock Star” success with lead singer, J.D. Fortune, garnered a Top 20 album and a sold-out tour. (source)

The reason Supernova didn’t flourish is simple: they bumped out ultra hot rockers Storm Large and Dilana. Those girls were smokin’ hot and both look like they could handle themselves in a fight and could get rid of a body if neceesary. Even if their music sucked, who wouldn’t pay to watch them crawl around on stage in black leather, low-cut tees and wildly colored hair singing distressed tunes of love unrequited. Hell, I’d pay to see them fight. Everyone loves a good chick fight. Rrreow.

Tricia Helfer plays an evil machine on “Battlestar Galactica,” but the sexy Cylon may cause her fans to short-circuit when they see the latest edition of Playboy.

“I hope people like them,” Helfer told The Post of her 10-page nude pictorial shot by famed shutterbug Sante D’Orazio. “I know I do.” (source)

I’m not surprised. It’s always the unsuspecting ones, like the Sci-Fi chick, or the Catholic school English teacher, the burger joint French fry queen…your mom. Trekkie convention is just a glorified name for orgy and Deep Space Nine sounds like low-budget porn on Cinemax After Dark (PPV!). And the Twelve Colonies of Kobol are simply nudist, self-indulgent, hedonistic havens. Regardless, Trisha’s hot and I would park my Enterprise in her Final Frontier any day. Let’s just say I’ll take a ‘ NumberSix’ with ’7 of 9′ any day. I don’t know, whatever, just go with it. Nerd. Get your game hand ready, here’s more science fictionly cyborg semi-nakedness. By the way, these photos are not from Playboy.

UPDATE: PLAYBOY IMAGES REMOVED BY REQUEST

And by request, I mean Tatyana from Playboy Inc complained to my hosting company, Godaddy, instead of contacting me and they shut my site down. I moved to a new server, but the images from this post only exist in my mind. And in Tatyana’s mind. Because she’s dirty. If you have any royalty free Tricia Helfer’s let me know.