Call your mother. So she can slap your ass and spray-paint your panties ’cause I’M BACK, BITCHES! Your favorite potty-mouthed sweetcake has resurfaced for some sexy, southern action and I figure there’s no better comeback than a nip-slip! Former “OC”? star Mischa Barton was caught by cameras last night in London at The Berkeley Hotel. Thank you, sweet cameraman’ err, cameraperson, or whore. Whatever. We’re not sexist here at FB&C. Oh fuck it, yes we are.

I’ve traveled abroad, and it’s something about the jet lag and cheap first-class champagne that makes you want to show your tits on the street corner. Or maybe that’s just me? Cheerio! NSFW after the jump you dirty birds.

In a marketing ploy that could only have been thought up by a gang of bonged out monkeys, www.searchwithkevin.com is a new online search engine that allows users to “Search the internet with Kevin Federline!” By using the site you can win autographed K-Fed memorabilia, although sadly, used wife-beaters, uncreased Yankees hats, and gold chains aren’t being offered. The same company that came up with this idea is also behind a few new promotions that you might see in the coming weeks–”Pick up chicks with Pacman Jones”, “Needle safety with Pete Doherty”, and “Contraceptive use with Tom Brady”.

In the meantime, check out these pics of Alabama-bred hottie Courtney Cox. Sure, she played an eye-gougingly huge pain in the ass on TV, but she’s still a smoking-hot MILF and a potential cougar rolled into one. Enjoy, you little bastards.

Reality show supergroup offspring Supernova didn’t make the headlines quite as planned. In fact their flaccidly hyped album, which should have been a rock icon wet dream, failed to break thorugh the Billboard Top 100 this week. Supenova. the bell tolls for thee. Jugga junn junn. Jugga junn JUNN.

Rock Star: Supernova, the latest spawn of reality guru Mark Burnett’s Rock Star franchise, had all the earmarks of a true supergroup – members from Motley Crue, Metallica and Guns N’ Roses; a high-profile personality in drummer Tommy Lee; and a predecessor in INXS, whose “Rock Star” success with lead singer, J.D. Fortune, garnered a Top 20 album and a sold-out tour. (source)

The reason Supernova didn’t flourish is simple: they bumped out ultra hot rockers Storm Large and Dilana. Those girls were smokin’ hot and both look like they could handle themselves in a fight and could get rid of a body if neceesary. Even if their music sucked, who wouldn’t pay to watch them crawl around on stage in black leather, low-cut tees and wildly colored hair singing distressed tunes of love unrequited. Hell, I’d pay to see them fight. Everyone loves a good chick fight. Rrreow.

Tricia Helfer plays an evil machine on “Battlestar Galactica,” but the sexy Cylon may cause her fans to short-circuit when they see the latest edition of Playboy.

“I hope people like them,” Helfer told The Post of her 10-page nude pictorial shot by famed shutterbug Sante D’Orazio. “I know I do.” (source)

I’m not surprised. It’s always the unsuspecting ones, like the Sci-Fi chick, or the Catholic school English teacher, the burger joint French fry queen…your mom. Trekkie convention is just a glorified name for orgy and Deep Space Nine sounds like low-budget porn on Cinemax After Dark (PPV!). And the Twelve Colonies of Kobol are simply nudist, self-indulgent, hedonistic havens. Regardless, Trisha’s hot and I would park my Enterprise in her Final Frontier any day. Let’s just say I’ll take a ‘ NumberSix’ with ‘7 of 9′ any day. I don’t know, whatever, just go with it. Nerd. Get your game hand ready, here’s more science fictionly cyborg semi-nakedness. By the way, these photos are not from Playboy.

UPDATE: PLAYBOY IMAGES REMOVED BY REQUEST

And by request, I mean Tatyana from Playboy Inc complained to my hosting company, Godaddy, instead of contacting me and they shut my site down. I moved to a new server, but the images from this post only exist in my mind. And in Tatyana’s mind. Because she’s dirty. If you have any royalty free Tricia Helfer’s let me know.

TMZ reports naughty girl Jenna Jameson has filed for separation from husband Jay Grdina, also a porn star. The couple was married for over three years.

TMZ obtained the legal papers, filed in Los Angeles County Superior Court. Jameson, whose legal last name is Massoli, has been estranged from husband Jay Grdina. Grdina, also a porn star, performs under the name Justin Sterling.

The couple has no children, however, we’re told the divorce could get nasty. Sources tell TMZ the couple has no prenup, but Jameson is rolling in dough after selling her lucrative business to Playboy. Jameson is repped by mega-celebrity lawyer Neal Hersh. (source)

Gr-whata..? Anyhoo. Jenna’s currently rebounding with an Ultimate Fighting champion so get your game face on if you think you have a shot. That said…Two people who built a relationship amidst licentious orgies and taboo indulgences and getting the perfect money shot didn’t make it as eternal soulmates? Stunned. I’m gonna go out on a limb here, but landing a porn star prolly doesn’t involve flowers and romantic beach walks. Somehow I imagine a tightrope, officer uniforms, a pizza box, foot long rails of coke and a monkey in a conductor’s hat (It’s a monkey! In a train hat!) are not quite the elements for creating a lasting romance. Now if you’ll excuse me; I need to make a phone call. Suddenly I feel wildly qualified. And now. Click here for the Nudity. (yeah these are old, but she’s not getting any less naked, perv.)

Here is a “naked” photo of Mischa Barton in a new movie titled The Oh in Ohio, a film about a woman who has never experienced orgasm (bless her heart!). It’s a glorified nip-slip, except without the nips. I’m a good critic of the female anatomy, (since I’m intimately familiar with my own) and I’m quite sure two little somethings are missing from these photos. Take a closer look just to be sure. Stare, if you have to. Maybe we should have this be our first Photoshop contest. Photoshop the nips into this slip. You’ll win a prize. Or masturbate. Either way that’s a winner!
Screening website Kids-in-Mind reviews and rates the movie as strong sex & nudity and even describes some of the risque scenes. I’ll be front row, bitches! I would have posted more of these but my head hurts so much from trying to see her nipples that I need to lie down.