Fatback Media

Holy shit. This video shows Nicole Kidman’s bodyguard beating the shit out of a paparazzo who was following him and Nicole. This is the kind of beat down you wish you could have done in high school. This guy doesn’t just talk shit and smack the French photographer around either. He stomps over to the car telling him how he’s gonna kick his ass, then he dives in the fucking window and kicks his ass. Apparently this comes on the heels of Nicole Kidman’s personal trainer beating the fuck out of a photographer while they were out on a jog. Advantage: Team Kidman.

UPDATE: Ugh. The reason you get the Spudy video is because Flynet killed the Share code for some reason. I guess they forgot what the words viral traffic revenue mean. Go here to see the video and pander to their petty wishes.

Two Aussies walk into a bar…well it had all the makings of a good joke. Except, it didn’t. Australian leading ladies (and BFF!) Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts will star together in a “sexy thriller�.

“Nip/Tuck� creator Ryan Murphy plans to spend this Fall shoot “Need� which has
Watts playing a psychiatrist, and Kidman as the unstable patient who steals the shrink’s husband.� (source)

I love Australia and I watch a lot of National Geographic HD so I’m pretty fucking smart about the Aussies. So when the headline reads something like, “Kidman and Watts to star in a movie togetherâ€?, I’m all in. Two Australian hotties in the same film together sounds pretty amazing. You can only imagine my chagrin to learn that Nicole and Naomi won’t be dressed up as aborigines who play those long hollow sticks that go “waow-waow, waow waow”. Nor will the film include wallabies, tequila, vegimite, or the appropriate use of the phrase “that’s a knifeâ€?, or “shrimps on the barbie”. Maybe it’s period piece? If we’re lucky, however, Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts will talk funny to each other and giggle then make out. I don’t generally watch foreign films unless they have gratuitous boobs, mood music or a character named “Pierreâ€?, but it might be worth seeing.

G’day beautes! According to the ever so glamorous and accurate National Enquirer, Nicole Kidman is pregnant and recently announced the arrival to husband Keith Urban…in rehab! I love Hollywood! Urban is currently at the Betty Ford Clinic seeking treatment.

Two home pregnancy tests confirmed the 39-year-old actress is expecting her first child, sources say — but, ironically, her four-month marriage to country crooner Keith, 39, is in serious jeopardy. “Nicole’s dream of having a child finally came true when two home pregnancy tests came up positive,” an insider tells The ENQUIRER.

“But she’s devastated that Keith lied to her about kicking his addictions to booze and cocaine. She’s hoping the baby will save their relationship.” (source)

Mom “accidentally” dropped her diaphragm on a stack of open safety pins, thus “accidentally” poking a hole and I “accidentally” appeared nine months later. Apparently, a retired auto mechanic drawing disability was a solid candidate for fatherhood in spite of his penchant for stalking young women and his propensity for winding up in court. Naturally, that relationship didn’t last past breakfast and my presence only serves as a reminder that decisions are not best made while under the influence of Mad Dog 20/20 and Jerry Springer. The moral is: don’t have a baby to save your relationship unless you want that child to endure 13 years of therapy and countless sexual partners because you tried to make something out of nothing. I’m not bitter! No worries, Nicole, it’ll come good, love! Time for me to hit the turps. I speak Australian. I fucking rock!