Fatback Media

(Photo Credit: Steven Klein)

Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman are on the cover of the New W Magazine and they look serious. Serious about being a Hot New Duo! That’s sounds way sexier than it really is. In the article inside both ladies defend statments they made about being slutty, then try to act like they’re not slutty.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON

“I’ve been battered for saying that I don’t believe humans are monogamous by nature. The response was, like, ‘What a ho-bag!’ I didn’t mean that I don’t practice monogamy in my own life—of course I do! I’m not going to be in some tarty relationship. But I stick by what I said. I remember another time, I said I get tested for AIDS twice a year, and again that got spun as me being promiscuous. But I was single at the time, and I think it’s important to do that!”

ON HATING GOSSIP MAGAZINES…“You’re never going to find me at the Ivy. I don’t care how good the Cobb salad is. These tabloid magazines—I think they’re hideous and the downfall of society.”
ON SUPPORTING BARACK OBAMA…“I will continue stumping for Obama until he’s elected. The past eight years have been painful for a lot of people. We’re in a state of emergency.”

NATALIE PORTMAN

ON MONOGAMY…“I’m into monogamy. But I’m not really into marriage right now. I sort of hate the legal aspect of it. What does the state have to do with it? Why are they making rules that say my lover can stay in the United States if they’re foreign or share my health care benefits because I’m straight—but if you’re gay, you can’t have that?”

ON BEING IMPRESSED BY HILLARY CLINTON WHEN SHE MET HER BEFORE THE SENATE…“I met with about 10 representatives that day and Hillary was by far the sharpest. Did you read Gloria Steinem’s op-ed piece? Hillary’s just so experienced.”

ON BEING STEREOTYPED A “GOOD GIRL” WHEREAS JOHANSSON IS STEREOTYPED A “HARLOT”…. “I get branded a lot as a good girl. I’m, like, the prude, and you’re more sexy…”

ON HER PUBLIC PROFILE…“The only thing that’s a little bit annoying, is I feel that I come off kind of boring sometimes.”

Both of these actresses are very serious about their craft, but the thing that really stands out to me is how close their boobies are to touching in this picture. Sometimes it’s life’s little subtleties that keep me going back to doing coke off a stripper’s ass every night.

Miss Lennox has never understood the attraction to Natalie Portman. She’s cute at best. And, since her pixie hair cut, I am unable to see how men find anything sexy about her. I prefer that woman be built curvy and have longer hair. In these screen captures from her upcoming film “Hotel Chevalier,” Natalie looks like she needs to go eat a steak and get some hair extensions. And what’s up with the damn socks and tennis shoes she’s wearing in this scene? Are we supposed to find that sexy as contrasted against her nudity? It’s dorky. Not sexy. At all.

Natalie’s nakedness fails to excite me. But, maybe you like androgynous girls, and these pics will excite you . . . hell, I know there are a bunch of Fatback and Collards pervs out there, some of you who harbor fantasies of 13 year old-boys who wear socks and tennis shoes whilst otherwise naked. To you, I say enjoy!