Music
Avril is a super loser
May 21st
 
Singer Avril Lavigne is stirring up gossip over her image for the June cover of Blender magazine, where she is featured seemingly naked from the waist up. Oooh, sinner.
Truth be told, Lavigne revealed to us before taking the stage last night, the photo shoot was a little more innocent than you think. “Actually, I’m not topless on the cover,” she said. “I was wearing a tube top, and they just kind of put a banner on top of it.”
Even if she’s not topless, the 22-year-old is still flaunting her inner bad girl. “The Blender shoot was really fun because it was super rock and roll  we had a bottle of [whiskey] and ate cupcakes,” she said. “Everyone was super cool. It was definitely a different kind of photo shoot for me.” (source)
Cupcakes are so fucking rock‘n’roll. I bet if you slice open Mick Jagger, (besides dust) you’d find a tourniquet, a stripper and dozens of tiny cupcakes. Chocolate ones, with fuckin’ sprinkles. Becuase nothing says rock like tiny baked confections. Except, not. Avril is anything but rock‘n’roll. She’s a 22 year old whino from Canada who thinks she’s badass because she cusses and dates sk8er bois. If she were a real rock chick, she’d be naked in that photo giving Joe Perry a handjob while another girl tongues her Lizard King breast tattoo. But most importantly, she wouldn’t be talking about it because she wouldn’t have to. Can you believe these new girls? None of them use birth control and they eat all the steak. Whores. Here’s Avril at the Maxim Hot 100 Party.
Keith Richards: Drug Cannibal
Apr 4th
In news that can be filed under both the “Holy Shit” and “Of Course He Did” categories, Keith Richards was recently quoted as saying that he snorted his father’s ashes mixed with cocaine, adding that it, “…went down pretty well”. Richards explained:
“The strangest thing I’ve tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared.” (source)
I’ve really got to hand it to “Keef”. At this point he could show up to a concert with a tar filled bloody syringe dangling from his forearm and I don’t think anyone would even bat an eye. Paris and Britney’s drug rumors send people into orbit but we celebrate this guy like he’s the goddamned crazy uncle that we all wish we’d had growing up that would sneak us Playboys and warm Coors Lights when no one was looking.
Maybe it’s our fault for being so stuck up and snobby when it comes to illegal drugs. Maybe if we all spent our entire lives mainlining Jack Daniel’s and chugging Marlboro Reds we’d all be multimillionaires. I’ll call it the “Human Cockroach Diet” and market it as the surefire way to laugh in Death’s face for the better part of a century. There’s no way this can fail. I think I’m on to something! Speaking of segueing into something non sequitur, here’s Marissa Miller to warm you northern folks up today.
-Shooter.
