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Madonna feels that having only a handful of kids isn’t enough, and much like Nadya Suleman, she wants many more. Madonna is heading to Milawi to finalize her kidnappingadoption of 3 year old Mercy James which other civilians of the area are protesting. This is basically the equivalent of Amy Winehouse coming to America and adopting a toddler and taking him/her back to the U.K. You can see why people are protesting this move.

The rest of this story is filled with big, foreign sounding words like Lilongwe and Blantyre, so I will dumb it down. Madonna is going to some remote village and she is signing papers in a  court to take the baby home today. Most “normal” people have to wait like 6 months to get a baby. But I am assuming if you have cash on hand, you can get one just about anywhere in the world. The kid will live with Madonna until she turns 18, and after that she will probably get a little reality show going and become famous for being famous or as some superficial people call it, Hollywood royalty. If things work out the way I want them to work out, then Madonna will not get the kid for the simple fact that she is a single mother but I never get what I want. Maybe the key is to not want it. I don’t want $1 million and a hot super model girlfriend. There we go. Eat that  karma.

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Yuk! I am trying to hold down my puke as I write this. Recently Madonna auctioned off a nude picture of herself which I think was taken before she launched her music career. I won’t torture you by posting the pic here. But there is one word to describe them. Hairy. And for that matter I won’t be posting any recent pictures of Madonna either. Anytime you can avoid seeing her and her witch arms is a bonus.

So who is the perv that actually bought this photo? Well he’s anonymous of course. The dude didn’t even show up to the auction. He phoned it in. To give you an idea of how old Madonna is, she was over 18 in 1979 and only got $25 for the photo shoot in question. What a rip off. It wouldn’t surprise me to hear that she went down to the street and offered a blow job to some John on the street corner for $30. Come on. You know she did it at least once. Playboy was so desperate for celebrity nudity that they actually posted the set of photos in a 1985 issue. This is just too much for me. I am going to toss my breakfast in my toilet bowl.

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Madonna’s daughter Lourdes, who I guess doesn’t have a last name, thinks she can pull her own weight on the big screen. She has just recently enrolled in Manhattan’s Professional Children’s School. This school was made famous by Macaulay Culkin and Scarlett Johansson. Let’s face it, Lourdes, which is one of the most bizarre names I have ever heard, is not going to grow up and become the next Scarlett Johansson.

Becoming the next Macaulay Culkin may be within her sights. I don’t usually critique women who are under the age of 18, but I think the most obvious thing for this kid to do before attempting to try acting would be to shave that heinous uni brow. That thing is massive. Another thing to do before heading to the big screen is change her first name. Getting an actual second name wouldn’t hurt her much either. But I don’t think Lourdes would become the next Madonna of the big screen. When my daughter wanted to try acting I said,” you can once you finish your vegetables.” After forcing broccoli down her throat with a pencil, she said that she didn’t want to do acting and didn’t want to have anything to do with me for the rest of her life. Fucking kids, changing their minds every 10 seconds.

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Links that prefer blogging over acting

Syphilicious is back- IBBB

Britney Spears got hacked! – Allie Is Wired

Kate Moss tit slip- Drunken Stepfather

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Amy Winehouse will never put her top on again- yeeeah

Looks who’s blogging now. That sounds like a good name for a movie. – d-listed

Miley Cyrus, still a slut. – Celebrity Dirty Laundry

I Don’t Want Your Life is over… or is it?- I Don’t Want Your Life

Katie Holmes and Angelina Jolie should become hookers- Geno’s World

Greasy Bear! Oh how I have missed Greasy Bear! – The Bastardly

Tara Reid, still in rehab- notorious news

Elisabetta Canalis: Bellisimo- Attu World