"You look mighty cute in them jeans..."

Apparently, Lindsay Lohan couldn’t keep her nose clean during probation and has failed her mandatory drug test. This means she may face prison time…oh who the fuck am I kidding. She could snort coke from the canoed skull of a her own aborted fetus and drive her car right up the LA County Courthouse steps at lunchtime wearing the skin of murdered runaway teen as a jacket and she’d still never see the inside of a prison again. You see, rich people get to do what they want, and people like you and me get to murder hate them.

We’re told the court-mandated drug test in question occurred last week. According to the terms of Lindsay’s probation, she will get 30 days in jail for a positive drug test.

One source connected with Lindsay tells TMZ … “People with addiction problems don’t get better magically, and she’s really been making an effort to make herself better.” (via TMZ)

So apparently Fornarina, makes clothing for the jockey lot. Howwwwwwwwwwl!

Dude, is it cold in here?

Lindsay Lohan reportedly was allegedly asked to probably, maybe not show up for the Machete premier, says a source who knew a guy who said something that one time. Oh God, this is boring. BLOPPITY BLOOP US Magazine:

She’s done the time, but Lindsay Lohan is still paying for her crime! Though the actress was released from postjail rehab on Aug. 24 after 22 days, a source tells the new Us Weekly Robert Rodriguez, co director of her new movie, Machete, didn’t want her to attend an event for the film the next night. ”He was frantically trying to track down her manager to make sure she didn’t go,” says the source.While a 20th Century Fox rep says it’s “not true,” the source tells Us, “She wasn’t welcome there.” (via)

I’m no journalist [although I do have a press pass made of construction paper, glitter and glue], but I think they’re just making shit up. Who is this shadowy source? I have a source who tells me that I am a handsome devil and all the ladies should be falling at my feet. *winks* Thanks Grandma! Here’s Lindsay going to the parole office like the convict she is.

Looks like Lindsay lawyered up and checked herself into a rehab clinic so she can get out of going to jail for 90 days. Because that’s what you do in Holywood, you get out of shit because you’re rich and/or willing to suck old cock. Glamor me PEOPLE:

Lindsay Lohan, who has been ordered to report to jail by next Tuesday, has checked herself into Pickford Lofts, a sober-living house in Los Angeles founded by famed defense attorney Robert Shapiro.

But what’s that PEOPLE? There’s more? Nuh. UH.

“Robert Shapiro is not yet Lindsay’s official lawyer,” [She hasn't  officially blown him yet - Fatback] a source tells PEOPLE, adding that Shapiro connected with Lohan after being contacted [blown by -F.]  by one of her acquaintances. While in the facility, Lohan will be meeting with [blowing. teehee this is fun! I could do this all day!- F.] addiction specialists, so, the source adds, “Shapiro can assess Lindsay’s situation before he makes an announcement that he’s her lawyer [boyfriend. Ok,I'm done now-F.].”

Her voluntary admission into the sober house was done in the hopes that her jail sentence would get modified.

“She’s trying to make an effort,” the source says. “The hope is that the judge either reduces the sentence or tosses it out have have Lindsay stay in a facility instead of jail. The hope is that the judge sees Lindsay getting treatment and put her in an inpatient [rehab] program for 90 days instead of jail. Lindsay is not trying to fight or appeal the sentence, but adjust it.” (source)

I just hope her idiot father doesn’t try to take credit for this and work in a dig at Dina Lohan. Whup, spoke too soon. TMZ, roll that beautiful bean footage:

Michael Lohan tells TMZ, “Why is that I had to cry from the mountain for Lindsay to listen to me, and now finally she is doing what I said?

I just pray they implement everything else I said, like getting Lindsay clean of all meds, picking all new friends and management, and that Dina put her motives aside and she go to counseling with Lindsay and me.” (source)

If this chick gets out of going to jail by staying at what amounts to a resort for snot-nose rich kids, then I will eat my shorts. Or I will eat a pork adobo sandwich. And like…drink a, um, a Mexican beer. Yeah…yeah. Take that, Justice system.

Here’s Lindsay Lohan posing for GQ Germany, to which photo credit is owed. Score.

It is being reported that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson had a violent relationship when they were still together. A source close tot he couple said, “One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head,” she told Radar. “She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her.”

See this is why LiLo needs to keep her eyes on the cock. When she was in a gay relationship all that did was cause her to be less of a train wreck and get lumps on her head. If she was chasing dick she would have not only been safer but she would have made some pretty cool tabloid headlines as well. I hope she learned her lesson and performs thirty hail Marys in repentance. If she doesn’t, Sam Ronson will break her fingers with a ruler.

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There is some cracknut producer in Hollywood that thinks since he is a big name producer he can do anything he likes. Like pair up Lindsay Lohan and Lady GaGa for example. The guys name is Rodney Jerkins and he should be shot. This would be a terrible pairing. The two have nothing in common except they both like to eat bush every now and then.

GaGa just did a Grammy performance with Elton John and knocked the performance out of the ball park. Meanwhile Lindsay was busy getting rejected for yet another movie role and sniffing dexedrine in the men’s bathroom. Chick has zero talent. I would like to see the performance for sure cause I would love to see LiLo get upstaged. Little LiLo. Such a stupid little girl. She will never play with the big dogs.

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There is a new movie coming out called Machete directed by Robert Rodriguez. It doesn’t seem like all that good of a movie except for the fact that Lindsay is going to be skinny dipping in a waterfall. That sounds good. As much of an attention whore that she is, she still hasn’t shown off that killer little ass of hers.

If this movie doesn’t show LiLo booty I will never write about her again. OK there is no truth to that at all but I will seriously be pissed off. One thing that I am banking on is that she is going to show off her saggy cocaine tits in this movie. I have seen them like a million times so I could care less if I see them again but that ass? I am getting all worked up. I will have to pace myself until it hits theatres.

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Weekend links thats last name does not end with Lohan

I wanna be a Miranda Kerr ass picker- IDLYITW

Cindy Crawford is still alive- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Katy Perry is…kinda gross- Allie Is Wired

Brooke Burns ruins a see through moment- Drunken Stepfather

Brittany Murphy’s husband sues Hollywood- Celeb News Wire

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

I don’t think Suri Cruise likes being held anymore- Geno’s World

Dita Von Teese’s cleavage is…wow!- yeeeah

Matthew McConaughey is over dressed for the beach- popbytes

Some British people do British stuff gov’na- Holy Moly

Brooke Hogan is a hoss male man with a penis- Amy Grindhouse

Kristin Cavallariis still smokin’ hot- IBBB

Lindsay Lohan has the world at her feet. She is followed everywhere by the paparazzi and if she cleaned up her act a little bit she could be in movies that don’t go straight to television. But she is a bitchy emo kid and decides that cutting herself is cooler than actually doing an honest days work.

Recent photos reveal scars that are fresh on Lindsay’s arms that look to be self inflicted. It isn’t even like she is trying to hide it. You can see those nasty emo scars on the pic above, just above the shitty tattoo. All I can hope is that she eventually cuts deep enough and you won’t be hearing of Lindsay Lohan again. Oh how I look forward to the day.

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According to The Daily Mail Lindsay Lohan is freaking out about a 47 second long “sex tape” that is about to get leaked online. I do not know who took the sex out of sex tape but there it is. It is actually a miracle that LiLo went this long without having a sex tape leaked. It must be some sort of record.

Anyway, if there is a 47 second long tape, which I doubt there is, then I will throw it up on the NSFW section here. I personally would pawn my left nut just to get a decent ass shot of LiLo. Ok so I wouldn’t pawn my left nut cause then I wouldn’t have anything to bust later. But yea, an ass shot would be nice.

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Lindsay Lohan has not really been in the news as of recently but now she is back and she is making a big impact on the magazine world by posing nude and semi-nude in some steamy pictures which feature…wait for it… DUN DUN DUN… a guy! Apparently the dude is drunk and has passed out and now Lindsay is playing tic-tac-toe on his back.

I do not know what Samantha Ronson thinks of this but I am sick and tired of hearing about that little troll so if LiLo wants to go back to the cock then I say go for it. I am sure when the mag comes out there will be some NSFW images in there but in the mean time we have SFW photos that you can look at, but I wouldn’t forward them to your boss. Not just yet.

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Links that have always been hot

Carrie Underwood is in a bikini- IDLYITW

Lindsay Lohan is slutty again too- Allie Is Wired

Seriously, Miley Cyrus out does Paris Hilton in sluttiness- Drunken Stepfather

Tiger Woods is banging 7 different chicks. Not including his wife. SWEET!- Celeb News Wire

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

A porn star is amongst the chicks Tiger Woods fucked- IDLYITW

Rosie Jones is topless- Fatback Media (NSFW)

It is being reported by Radar.com that Lindsay Lohan was dating Heath Ledger at the time of his death. The sources comes from leaked audio tapes, leaked my ass, from Dina Lohan to Michael Lohan. You gotta remember that Radar are Dina and Michael’s favorite place to speak up when they want to be heard in the tabloids.

However, I am not saying that the leaked phone conversation was staged because if they got busted doing that they would have lost all credibility in the tabloid world and would be shunned by Hollywood for the rest of their lives. In the tapes Dina expressed just how concerned she was for Lindsay saying that Heath’s death “really fucked her up.” So when you think about it, Lindsay is partially responsible for the death of one of the greatest Hollywood actors that has ever seen the big screen. Congrats Lindsay. Your life=fail.

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