Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan Likes Drugs
Sep 18th
"You look mighty cute in them jeans..."
Apparently, Lindsay Lohan couldn’t keep her nose clean during probation and has failed her mandatory drug test. This means she may face prison time…oh who the fuck am I kidding. She could snort coke from the canoed skull of a her own aborted fetus and drive her car right up the LA County Courthouse steps at lunchtime wearing the skin of murdered runaway teen as a jacket and she’d still never see the inside of a prison again. You see, rich people get to do what they want, and people like you and me get to murder hate them.
We’re told the court-mandated drug test in question occurred last week. According to the terms of Lindsay’s probation, she will get 30 days in jail for a positive drug test.
One source connected with Lindsay tells TMZ … “People with addiction problems don’t get better magically, and she’s really been making an effort to make herself better.” (via TMZ)
So apparently Fornarina, makes clothing for the jockey lot. Howwwwwwwwwwl!
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- Whore in wolf’s clothing
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- “You look mighty cute in them jeans…”
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- We get it, you have nice tits.
Lindsay Lohan Asked NOT to Attend Machete Premier
Sep 2nd
Dude, is it cold in here?
Lindsay Lohan reportedly was allegedly asked to probably, maybe not show up for the Machete premier, says a source who knew a guy who said something that one time. Oh God, this is boring. BLOPPITY BLOOP US Magazine:
She’s done the time, but Lindsay Lohan is still paying for her crime! Though the actress was released from postjail rehab on Aug. 24 after 22 days, a source tells the new Us Weekly Robert Rodriguez, co director of her new movie, Machete, didn’t want her to attend an event for the film the next night. ”He was frantically trying to track down her manager to make sure she didn’t go,” says the source.While a 20th Century Fox rep says it’s “not true,” the source tells Us, “She wasn’t welcome there.” (via)
I’m no journalist [although I do have a press pass made of construction paper, glitter and glue], but I think they’re just making shit up. Who is this shadowy source? I have a source who tells me that I am a handsome devil and all the ladies should be falling at my feet. *winks* Thanks Grandma! Here’s Lindsay going to the parole office like the convict she is.
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- The Lap Dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
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- Dude, is it cold in here?
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- Probate these titties muthafucka
Lindsay Lohan Hires OJ Lawyer
Jul 16th
Looks like Lindsay lawyered up and checked herself into a rehab clinic so she can get out of going to jail for 90 days. Because that’s what you do in Holywood, you get out of shit because you’re rich and/or willing to suck old cock. Glamor me PEOPLE:
Lindsay Lohan, who has been ordered to report to jail by next Tuesday, has checked herself into Pickford Lofts, a sober-living house in Los Angeles founded by famed defense attorney Robert Shapiro.
But what’s that PEOPLE? There’s more? Nuh. UH.
“Robert Shapiro is not yet Lindsay’s official lawyer,” [She hasn't officially blown him yet - Fatback] a source tells PEOPLE, adding that Shapiro connected with Lohan after being contacted [blown by -F.] by one of her acquaintances. While in the facility, Lohan will be meeting with [blowing. teehee this is fun! I could do this all day!- F.] addiction specialists, so, the source adds, “Shapiro can assess Lindsay’s situation before he makes an announcement that he’s her lawyer [boyfriend. Ok,I'm done now-F.].”
Her voluntary admission into the sober house was done in the hopes that her jail sentence would get modified.
“She’s trying to make an effort,” the source says. “The hope is that the judge either reduces the sentence or tosses it out have have Lindsay stay in a facility instead of jail. The hope is that the judge sees Lindsay getting treatment and put her in an inpatient [rehab] program for 90 days instead of jail. Lindsay is not trying to fight or appeal the sentence, but adjust it.” (source)
I just hope her idiot father doesn’t try to take credit for this and work in a dig at Dina Lohan. Whup, spoke too soon. TMZ, roll that beautiful bean footage:
Michael Lohan tells TMZ, “Why is that I had to cry from the mountain for Lindsay to listen to me, and now finally she is doing what I said?
I just pray they implement everything else I said, like getting Lindsay clean of all meds, picking all new friends and management, and that Dina put her motives aside and she go to counseling with Lindsay and me.” (source)
If this chick gets out of going to jail by staying at what amounts to a resort for snot-nose rich kids, then I will eat my shorts. Or I will eat a pork adobo sandwich. And like…drink a, um, a Mexican beer. Yeah…yeah. Take that, Justice system.
Here’s Lindsay Lohan posing for GQ Germany, to which photo credit is owed. Score.
Lindsay Lohan is Violent
Feb 8th
It is being reported that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson had a violent relationship when they were still together. A source close tot he couple said, “One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head,†she told Radar. “She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her.”
See this is why LiLo needs to keep her eyes on the cock. When she was in a gay relationship all that did was cause her to be less of a train wreck and get lumps on her head. If she was chasing dick she would have not only been safer but she would have made some pretty cool tabloid headlines as well. I hope she learned her lesson and performs thirty hail Marys in repentance. If she doesn’t, Sam Ronson will break her fingers with a ruler.
