The salaries of all the stars on MTV’s The Hills has leaked to the public. I Don’t quite understand the obsession with the show except that a lot of losers out there like to live vicariously through the stars and think if they are watching hot chicks going to clubs in Hollywood with tons of money, that must mean that they are hot chicks going to clubs in Hollywood with lots of money. I know. Crazy right?

Not that they are worthy of their fat paychecks but it is being reported that Kristin Cavallari makes $90,000 per episode, Spencer Pratt makes $65,000 per episode (haha), and Audrina Patridge makes $100,000. This has kind of makes me wonder how much Lauren Conrad was being paid when she was still on the show. Since then her star has dropped and she is lucky I am even mentioning her name because she doesn’t need any press because she is not doing anything.

And oh yea, Heidi Montag or Heidi Pratt or whatever the fuck she is calling herself these days makes $100,000 an episode just like Audrina. Neither have talent so I can understand why they make so much. That is the key on MTV. No talent= big bucks. I am much more interested in Audrina Patridge naked however so I hope they cut her salary so she will do a Playboy photo shoot. A REAL one. None of this hype and then no nipple like Heidi. I have my fingers, toes and eyes crossed for this. But let’s face it. As long as losers are sitting in their home eating ice cream and then purging said ice cream to keep a slim figure so they can look more like the people on The Hills, Audrina and the others will always have a  job.

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Former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari has confirmed that she is going to be taking Lauren Conrad’s spot on MTV’s The Hills. So basically they are swapping out one talentless attention whore for another, but apparently MTV thinks they are making a savvy move.

I don’t have much to say about this slut except that she is hot and I would totally go with her. EW.com interviewed her about the move and introducing the biggest attention whores in television history and she had this to say, ” It’s so funny. I guess it was 4 years ago. I was dating Brody [ Jenner ] and Spencer was Jody’s best friend. I had known Heidi when she was friends with Lauren when we were still filming Laguna Beach.

” Heidi was like, ‘ Hook me up with someone . I wanna meet a guy.’ And Brody and I were kinda like , ‘Well, maybe Spencer?’ We’ll see what happens.’ So we all went on a double date and they just hit it off right away and now they’re married.” So basically we have Kristin Cavallari to thank for all the attention whoring Speidi do. And MTV wants her to star in a show. She should be taken out back to the barn and shot in the face.

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There are 77 days until spring and, honestly, I’m counting the seconds and freezing my balls off. That’s why it warms my heart to see spoiled rich girls like Kristin Cavallari [Ed. note: OMG her ass is perfect. -F] in skimpy bikinis prancing around Malibu while the rest of us dig our cars out of the snow. Am I bitter? No. I’m too cold to be bitter. Too cold and too full of the heavenly spirit of the Lord. The only thing better than a spoiled hot rich-bitch frolicking in Malibu while our economy fails and we wage expensive wars in the desert would be if Kristin Cavallari would sleep with me. And give me $2500.00 US dollars. Yes. Yes, I think the world would be a much better place then. (images)