Can I borrow some sugar?

Okay, so I’ve been holding on to most of these for while because a certain Men’s Magazine get’s their crotchless panties all in a wad when you post their pictures, even though is obviously fair use and it actually drives sales. But I digress. Kim Kardashian is nude. YOU HEAR THAT GOOGLE? These pics are from the photo shoot Kim did a while back for the men’s magazine in question. Some made into to glossy stapled glory and some (read: the ones without nipples) made it into the “outtake” pile. Which is just another way of saying, ‘how can we squeeze the last drop of rights management out of these once Kim starts to lose her relevance?’

But, I being a pervy blogger professional journalist, like to give credit where credit is due. First off you can thank the folks who emblazoned these pics with the little bunny for the photography. I’d also like to thank Kim Kardashian for having huge tits and wanting to show them off like a famemongering whore. And lastly, I’d like to thank Kim’s dad for setting a murderer free. God Bless America. And Twins!

The nipple ratio is so high I had to put the pic after the jump…enjoy. Feel free to not sue me.

VROOM VROOM! I’m a racer…

This is Kim Kardashian dressed ridiculously at some promotion for some asinine product that WOW playahs will be pouring over their man tits after they get the 20th degree nerd fatty badge in the enchanted forest. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for senseless cleavage and Armenian DSL’s, but I’m still confused as to why this chick is famous. Let’s ask her…

Fatback Media: So K-Kard, nice tits B.tha.dub… So Kimbo, why are you so famous?

Kim Kard: Well, first of all my daddy helped free a murderer, then um, oh yeah I sucked that dude’s pole on a Vivid ™ video. Maybe you’ve heard of it? Kim Kardashian Superstar ™? (All Rights Reserved)

FM: I’m sure I have no idea..

KK: Also, I was naked in Playboy, which you know is like, a HUGE honor.

FM: Yeah, that’s what they tell me. But don’t you feel like you’re just exploiting yourself at the expense your self respect…Bwahahahah, I’m just fucking with you. Let’s see them titties!

KK: …

FM: I’ve got some blow and a Flip camera…

KK: [ziiiiiip.....]

There you have it folks. Truly one of our generation’s greatest heroes. *makes motorboat noise*

Kim Kardashian is sick of seeing her sisters do so well and she is left in the dust has a has been Playmate and is not really famous for doing anything in particular. She says she wants to have a kid and get married before she is 30. I think that is a pretty good goal but you have to settle down first.

The last thing this world needs is another Kardashian running around violating couches across the world with their giant ass. Also, someone should tell Kim that you can not get pregnant by letting another guy pee in your mouth. You get the jist of it but it is the wrong liquid going in the wrong hole.

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Links that are artificially inseminated

Hilary Duff has nipple pokies- IDLYITW

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Peaches Geldof is modeling- Holy Moly

Adam Lambert has a new music video out- popbytes

Britney Spears settles lawsuit, ruins see through moment- Amy Grindhouse

The Hills recap- IBBB

Nicole Richie shows off her latest offspring- notorious news

Kelly Brook is cleavagey nice- IDLYITW

This calendar is nuts!- Fatback Media (NSFW)

This is when you know there is not shit for news out there on a Monday. When todays top story is Kim Kardashian dying her hair blonde. She is pretty much famous for being famous and makes news just going to restaurants anyway so I am not too surprised. On the upside she looks really good. And she is single so I actually have a shot at banging her. Right guys? Right?

Here she is photographed at The Teen Choice Awards even though she has practically no business being there but she is good at stuff like that. The only beef I have is the fact that she didn’t go all the way blonde. She has blonde highlights really not full on blonde hair. I figured an attention whore like her would do what most media freaks would do and go full on platinum blonde. Either way I want to see her naked so I am going to dig up an old issue of Playboy while the rest of the world beats off to a pic from the green carpet. Suckers!

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Links that are bald

Lindsay is losing her hair- IDLYITW

2009 Teen Choice Awards winners- Allie Is Wired

Heather Graham is in a bikini- Drunken Stepfather

Sienna Miller hates Sienna Miller’s movies- Celeb News Wire

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Sharon Stone is topless- IDLYITW

Kim Kardashian surprised a lot of people when she was photographed with blond hair. Now I could insert a blond joke here, but these are more like highlights then they are “Marilyn Monroe” blond. Of course the change in color might not be purposeful at all. I hear when you let too many guys jizz on your head, your hair changes shades.

Either way, she could dye her hair blue like that douche bag Perez Hilton and I would still want to put it in her butt. As much fun as I would like to make about the brunettes new look, it isn’t for real. It is a wig. But now since she digs it so much, she is thinking about dying it for real. I say go for it. Cause any small change in look would be a vast improvement for a boring socialite. Of course if she did that, she would be asked if the carpet matched the drapes. And that would mean more Kim Kardashian nude pictures. Please dye it, please dye it, please dye it.

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Links that have a shaved head

Lindsay Lohan still looks good in a bikini- IDLYITW

Salma Hayek’s e-mail address got hacked- Amy Grindhouse

Heidi Montag had her vows written on her hand- IBBB

Is that Britney Spears’ tampon? – Allie Is Wired

I like Mary Boobs, I mean Cary- Drunken Stepfather

Jessica Biel advertises her new ass floss- Celeb News Wire

Powder Blue is going straight to dvd- IDLYITW

Boris Johnson is doing something- Holy Moly

Zac Efron is greasy- yeeeah

Hayden Panettiere is violent- I Don’t Want Your Life

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Katie Holmes is beautiful again. – popbytes

Tori Spelling is kissing. Gross. – Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Hilary Duff wears short shorts- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Creed is reuniting- Geno’s World

Beyonce Knowles tops box office weekend- notorious news

Recently Lindsay Lohan and her girlfriend Samantha Ronson have been fighting. They have actually been fighting non stop for about 4 weeks. But recently when the paparazzi and the police showed up to Ronson’s residence where Lohan was and everyone heard the fighting going on inside that resulted in a broken window, it brought the problems to light.

Kim Kardashian is not having any of it though and is sticking up for Lohan. She says, ” It’s so sad that there is such an invasion of privacy, with camera people, cops and paparazzi outside their home.” She goes on to discuss the broken window. “I mean, when have you not thrown something when you’re mad?” I am just curious as to what was thrown. A dildo? A straight porn tape? Many questions come into my mind when contemplating the specifics of the LiLo SamRo hook up. I am sure things will clear up when they both realize that these fights are the only thing keeping them in the press. I mean what do they do? Sam deejays, and Lindsay, drinks red bull? Wears spandex? Acts erratically? If you chose all of the above congratulations! You have just won $1,000,000! Not really but you wouldn’t know what to do with the money anyway.

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Source

DJ AM is suing- IDLYITW

The City recap- IBBB

$500,000 spent on crack. That is pretty high- Holy Moly

Rebecca Romijn has mom boobs- Drunken Stepfather

Nice cleavage Megan- I Don’t Want Your Life

Desperate lesbians- yeeeah

Clive Owen is for the ladies- IDLYITW

Anna Faris has a sexy ass crack- Celeb News Wire 

A Kate Moss nipple slip- Allie Is Wired

A Kate Moss nipple slip and upskirt all in one shot! Nice. – popbytes

Brenda Acevedo is Miss Howard TV of the year- Geno’s World

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Alyson Hannigan is hot even though she is pregnant- Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Oh yea, and happy St.Pattys Day. – notorious news

Jennifer Love Hewitt volunteered at an L.A. Soup Kitchen preparing meals for the homeless, and looking quite cute with Santa I may add. Meanwhile, Nicky Hilton was showing off her bronzed, bony body on vacation with her family in Maui. Note Paris’ beach get-up which I’m certain came from a vintage shop circa 1988. Nicolette Sheridan was also at a beach on Christmas–she and boyfriend Michael Bolton hung out in St. Barts where she showed the paparazzi she was no Jennifer Love Hewitt. Seriously, the woman is nearly 45 and looks friggin’ incredible! Finally, Kim Kardashian did some holiday shopping with Reggie Bush who will be just another “friend” who she gets mad about at the media for portraying her as sleeping with. No worries, KK–we know that you just have a lot of male friends and that the only guy you’ve had sex with is Ray-J. Yeah right.

Or Am I just old fashioned and missing the point that would be indicative of the Apocalypse–that Playboy is a PR vehicle used to clean up an image?!? Wow, the times they are a-changin. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a newsstand to get to . . . I mean do want to see Kim naked!

PS. Here are some of the nude Kim Kardashian pics from Crave.

Crave Online: Funny Videos, Sexy Videos, Music Videos, Movie Trailers, and More!

The bunch is an interesting looking family . . . and I don’t mean that in a flattering way. Not all of the clan attended the party, but let me introduce you to those who did, from left to right.

First Amazon Kardashian or perhaps Amazon Jenner. I’m not sure whose kid she is, but she’s big enough to crush you between her thighs. And something tells me Amazonia is insanely jealous of soon-t0-be Playboy model sister Kim.

Next is Daddy Jenner. He seems to be suffering from the “Kenny Rogers Syndrome,” i.e. perpetually surprised-looking due to a bad face lift.

Ah, then Kimmie, media darling, and the purpose and focus of the upcoming show. I just can’t like this girl. She’s famous because Paris Hilton is her BFF, she’s filthy rich due to her dead lawyer Daddy who defended O.J., and she made a nasty sex tape which only boosted her popularity. Yuck on all three counts.

Anyway, then there’s Mama Kardashian who looks like she’s put her dead hubby’s money to good use and found a great plastic surgeon. The woman does not look like she popped out 5 kids–or however many are hers.

Kardashian Siblings X and Y look sweet enough, but I’m sure that after their reality “fame,” some rehab or at least a DUI is in their future . . .

I, for one, will not be “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” Hell no.