Jessica Simpson
Jessica Simpson Fails At Country
Apr 8th
A lot of people are annoyed by Jessica Simpson. Mostly for the fact that she just won’t go away. I remember when her career started and she had one, ONE, hit song. So basically she is a one hit wonder who is doing everything in her power to suck every second out of her 15 minutes of fame. News is coming out today, well yesterday really, that Jessica Simpson got dropped by her record label. Remember this isn’t some teen pop star record label, this is a reputable country record label.
Usually when you think of a big name like Jessica Simpson, you wouldn’t imagine that she would stoop to the level of opening for another singer/band. But that is exactly what she did. She opened for the Rascal Flatts and she was so bummed out about the nightly performances, she went to Cabo instead of the country music awards. Apparently on a nightly basis Jessica fumbled the lyrics and was greeted by booing crowds. The chick just sucks. At everything. Don’t get me wrong I totally wanna bang her and she is very good at looking pretty. But I think it is time she take a new career path. Pop music=fail.Country music= fail. Movies= fail. Pornography= best selling porn since Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson went on a vacation.
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Jessica Simpson Splits Her Jeans On Stage
Feb 13th
A lot of people say I should go easy on the big people. That it is genetics or whatever. But when you are a chick like Jessica Simpson, you know genetics is not the reason for her weight gain. Also, she is a celebrity and gets a lot of public scrutiny. If she doesn’t want to be made fun of then she should stay out of the lime light. Another reason to “dis” the singer is that she is a total snob. She could give a regular guy a break and give him her phone number or go on tv and tell people how she is raising money for charity. But no.
Now the restraining order tells me I can not go anywhere near the star so I can not ask her these questions myself. But someone out there should ask. Why the fuck are you on such a high horse? Jessica is playing off this weight gain thing as something silly that she can laugh at. But most of the viewing public isn’t laughing. She says, ” I’ve had times when my pants split right down the middle when I bent down to reach a note.” Haha! Everyone laugh and point! What note anyway? Is she so dense that she can’t even remember the 3 string wonders someone else wrote for her? I could say something witty right now but I don’t wanna kill the buzz of laughing at Jessica Simpson when the denim tears on her ass when she tries to remember what the hell to do on stage. More pics of Jessica and her fat pooper below.
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Links that don’t sing or dance but have a sweet little ass
Aubrey O’Day is on the cover of Playboy- IBBB
Chris Brown speaks out on Facebook- Allie Is Wired
Kate Moss is see through and pregnant? – Drunken Stepfather
Teri Hatcher and Eva Longoria are going to kiss! – Celeb News Wire
Tommy Chong is friendly- IDLYITW
Cute college girl of the day- College Humor
Gwyneth Paltrow likes being the naked- Geno’s World
Katherine Heigl isn’t leaving Grey’s Anatomy because she is too ugly to work anywhere else- Celebrity Dirty Laundry
Lily Allen hates pants- yeeeah
Jane Russell used to be hot- popbytes
Ivana Trump still thinks she’s young- Holy Moly
Fathead speaks out- I Don’t Want Your Life
The Jonas Brothers do Letterman- notorious news
Jessica Simpson Is A Shitty Singer, Oh Yea And Fat
Feb 6th
Not only is Jessica Simpson’s weight increasing, but her singing career is getting worse and worse. During a Grand Rapids show she only did a 38 minute set list. Maybe 38 minutes is the longest her cankles will support her weight. She managed to fuck up several songs during the concert. During the song “With You” she paused to take a drink of water and the back up vocals had to sing the lead words and she had to restart the song “Pray Out Loud” because she was so distracted.
She then was singing her new single “Come On Over” and completely forgot the lyrics. Afterwards she apologized to the audience and mouth the word sorry on the big screen. What a fucking dunce. Finally after introducing her song “Do You Know” she told the audience that she felt like walking off stage. After the songs was finished she was seen wiping away tears as she made her exit. Some people feel sorry for her but I never will. She is a full blown snob and never seems grateful that she has the fans that she has. As few as they may be. I’d still pork her though. Don’t get me wrong. Even with that extra baby fat I would still hit that shit six ways a Sunday. I just wanted to clarify that.
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Links that wear a size 2
Our favorite attention whores work out- IBBB
Paul Walker gets some teenage tail- IDLYITW
I love Salma Hayek’s breasts- d-listed
Vanessa Anne Hudgens is hairy- yeeeah
Elisabeth Hasslebeck is offensive- Allie Is Wired
Isla Fisher is the only reason to seeConfessions Of A Shopoholic- Holy Moly
Kim Kardashian has a big tasty ass- I Don’t Want Your Life
Cute college girl of the day- College Humor
Jennifer Aniston will get artificially inseminated in real life in a movie- Celeb News Wire
Hanging with Paris Hilton in London- Drunken Stepfather
American Idol’s bikini girl. We’ll be hearing from her for a long time- Celebrity Dirty Laundry
This is the closest we will ever get to a Fergie sex tape- Geno’s World
Kellogg’s drops Michael Phelps- notorious news
Jessica Simpson Has Better Things To Do
Oct 29th
As people may or may not know, Jessica Simpson is quite the entrepreneur. Not only is she a pop singer, but she also sings country. Which is horrendous. But on top of a failing music career she also design hand bags and has a couple of fragrances at Macy’s. Well she was scheduled to show up at the Macy’s 150th Anniversary party last night but because of the weather she couldn’t make it. I am sure everyone was bummed out until they realized “oh shrimp!”
Since she was held back in Nashville, her boyfriend Tony Romo decided that they would have a romantic date. Nope. Jessica waited at the airport and took a later flight just when the party was ending. She said of missing the party, “I’m so,so sorry. I wish I could be God and control the weather.” Doesn’t she get it? She is God. She is a big titted blond who lives in America. This is all that most people ask for in life. I don’t feel bad for Tony. He has a lot of money and gets to sodomize Jessica at his discretion. I won’t lose any sleep on his behalf.
Southern fried links
Favorite famous couples. I prefer lesbians.- Allie Is Wired
The Olsen twins have a fan club- Drunken Stepfather
Olivia Palermo. Because she’s pretty. – IBBB
Miniature NYC- City Rag
Melrose Place 2.0? Say it ain’t so! – Celebrity Dirty Laundry
Jennifer Hudson’s sister made a statement. But no one cares. – Gabby Babble
Lizzy Caplan is topless- IDLYITW
Brad Pitt is cheating again- d-listed
Nicollette Sheridan has the best old lady ass in America- Hollywood Tuna
Cute Collge Girl O’ the Week (College Humor)
