John Mayer was interviewed for this month’s issue of Playboy and he dished on his sex life with Jessica Simpson. I would imagine that all he had to say was how great the sex was and guess what? I was right! He says, “If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.’”

THAT sounds like good sex. He did hold back and not talk about his sex life with Jennifer Aniston because let’s be real, no one gives a shit about some 41-year-old chick getting laid. He also says he doesn’t like it when the media paints him as a douche bag who dates all these mega hotties so he is going to not date in 2010 and see if he still makes Us Weekly headlines. Fuck them you will make ‘em here. In case you didn’t know, I am a big John Mayer fan. Then again I would be a big fan of just about any guy who taps Jessica Simpson’s ass like it was a beer keg.

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Jessica Simpson is seriously one of the grossest humans being on the face of this earth. If she kept her mouth, and ass, shut then I could totally fuck her but she will probably never have sex with me so I will continue to bash her. During a business meeting for her new denim line she let out a vicious fart which prompted her mother who was also present to scream out “Jessica!”

She talks about farting all the time and even went on the view to discuss her dogs dingleberries with the whole world watching. What she fails to realize is that men like to pretend women do not poop or fart. If a woman wants to fart, she needs to dig a whole approximately 10 feet deep, bury herself in the whole and even then try her best to make the fart as least smelly as possible. Also, women shouldn’t poop. When a girl is born and the doctor cries out “it’s a girl!” then the doctor should immediately stitch the asshole shut.

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Jessica Simpson is one of those celebrities on Twitter that I do not follow because usually they don’t have anything worth reading to say and will never respond to you. Not sure how many followers she has but it doesn’t really matter. Anyway, she took to her Twitter to bitch about Melrose Place calling it crap.

What she Twittered was, “CW catching up on MP. Who writes this crap? i have had bad scripts to work with, but this? thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press.” What I find funny about this little Twitter tantrum is that Jessica Simpson has come across some bad scripts but she always says yes. I agree with her about Ashlee being amazing though. Not as an actress but as a cool wife who tolerates her husband going out and partying with strippers while she stays at home with the baby. Oh yea and her tits. I would agree that I think Ashlee Simpson’s tits are amazing.

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Links that outgrew television

Rihanna is ready to talk- IDLYITW

The View discusses Taylor Swift’s nazism- Geno’s World

Lady GaGa might be dressing like this for attention- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Shaun Sand exclusive clips- Drunken Stepfather

Kim Kardashian is Snow White- yeeeah

People hate Kate Gosselin- notorious news

Jewel is in a bikini- IDLYITW

Arkasha Ames is nude for Playboy- Fatback Media (NSFW)

You may have remember a few weeks ago me writing on here that Jessica Simpson’ dog, a malti poo (gay name), was abducted by a Coyote straight out of the backyard at Jessica Simpson’ L.A. home. I found the story to be hysterical and it still is but now Jessica has pulled herself together and is talking openly about the loss of her pooch.

She tells Us magazine, ” I haven’t really thought about a new dog yet, but maybe sometime. [Daisy] would want that.” How the fuck does she know what a dog would want let alone a dead dog? This is just some dumb shit celebrities say to take edge off the fact that they are replacing a loved one with a trip to the dog pound as if she ripped an expensive sweater and replaces it with a newer brighter sweater.

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Links that are not easily replaced

Lindsay is on top of the world- IDLYITW

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Leona Lewis was attacked- Holy Moly

More bad LiLo news- popbytes

Melanie Brown confirms Spice Girls reunion- Amy Grindhouse

The Hills recap- IBBB

January Jones lights up GQ- notorious news

It’s Blake Lively again- IDLYITW

Lucy Pinder is topless,grainy- Fatback Media (NSFW)

This cheers me right the fuck up. Yesterday Jessica Simpson was outdoors with the dog Nick Lachey gave her for birthday/Christmas/anniversary gift. I am not really sure. And it was snatched by a coyote right in front of her eyes! Haha! Hysterical! She is very distraught and it hanging all of these little signs (pictured above) all over the city to see if anyone has seen her malti-poo.

First off that is a disgusting breed name for a dog. I am thinking about e-mailing the e-mail address on the missing poster and telling her the dog is here and is perfectly safe, then when she comes to pick the dog up, hand her a bag of goat intestines and blood. I personally am not a big fan of the miniature dogs celebrities are obsessed with. I prefer a big dog. Or at least a more muscular dog. Like a Boston Terrier. They would beat the living fuck out of a malti-poo. Speaking of dogs fighting, I wonder what Michael Vick would have to say about the coyote.

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Links that were ripped to shreds

Respect- IDLYITW

Michael Moore compares Wall Street to the mob- Geno’s World

Barack Obama calls Kanye west a “jackass”- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Taylor Momsen interview- I Don’t Want Your Life

Mischa Barton is hot. Crazy, but hot- yeeeah

jay Leno is popular- notorious news

Olivia Wilde does GQ- IDLYITW

Rumors are now floating around that Jessica Simpson might be getting a role as a judge on American Idol. I don’t really see how she fits the bill but then again neither did Paula Abdul. Let’s face it, Jessica Simpson is a one hit wonder that is only still in the news because she is fucking gorgeous. If you didn’t listen to pop radio at the beginning of the century then you probably think Jessica Simpson is famous for being famous.

Nothing has been confirmed by the producers at Idol but her dad, yea her dad, is doing everything in his power to see that she gets the gig. This is the same dude who is obsessed with her breasts and thinks that she should do Playboy. She should really listen to her dad sometimes. He seems to have a lot of good information. Basically Idol is willing to hire anyone that will take $2 mil a year. I am available but when the producers heard that they each had an orgasm of joy and are currently comatose. I am waiting for them to come to and I will hear back then.

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After being together for,what, over a year Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson has split. This is one particular courtship I could care less about because now that Jessica is on the market, me and everyone I know still doesn’t have a snowballs chance in hell of hooking up with her. She doesn’t have a low self esteem and she knows exactly how hot she is and will land just about any stud that she wants.

However, she will be getting more hot in the months to come. Especially on the small screen, because she sucks at the big screen, with a show called The Price of Beauty. I didn’t know about the show until today but I am sure it will revolve around Jessica being a dumb, but hot, blonde who asks things like, is it chicken or fish? At which point all the desperate female teens out there that are starving themselves to look like Jessica will say OMG she is like, sooo funny! And then they will puke up their dinner.

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Links that stay on the market

Kim Kardashian likes her some leather- IDLYITW

People who should never be naked are naked- Geno’s World

Ivanka Trump has got back- I Don’t Want Your Life

5 awesome deleted scenes from movies- Attu World

The travelocity gnome to titty fuck Holly Madison- yeeeah

Ashlee Simpson should think this through- IDLYITW

Not getting her kicks in the country music field, which I am not surprised about, Jessica Simpson wants to try her luck again on television. This time instead of a show starring two sexy newlyweds and their sexy life in their gated community, this one will be about how Jessica is a bit over weight now and her views on what is and isn’t beautiful in the worlds different cultures.

This sounds like a piece of crap. Not only will the pilot not take off, I doubt any real television station would even seriously consider it. The thing is, it has been too long. Jessica gained a few pounds, and still looked hot, but everyone thought it was just a publicity stunt to get more attention and then stage a “how I lost my weight” magazine shoot. Now people thinks she just has an eating disorder. Don’t get me wrong I would still totally bang her, but this time I need to put a twinky on a stick in front of her when I do her from behind. It is about the only way I can keep her attention.

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Links that hate both big and small screen

Mel Gibson has 8 kids now- IDLYITW

Larry King is old and stupid- Amy Grindhouse

Jodie Marsh is a body builder now- yeeeah

Heather Graham bored by strippers- Celeb News Wire

Starbucks has some solid competition- Drunken Stepfather

Michael Lohan arrested for death threats- Holy Moly

Shoot it! – IDLYITW

Ashley Tisdale. Whatever. She’s hot. – notorious news

If you cherish your ears, you won’t watch this video- Geno’s World

Avril Lavigne is in a bikini- I Don’t Want Your Life

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Monster Chris Brown says he’s not a monster- Allie Is Wired

Harriet Carter wednesday- IBBB

Angelina Jolie might be pregnant. Maybe she’s not. Maybe she is. – popbytes

Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig are going to do Broadway together. – Seriously? OMG! WTF?

A lot of people are annoyed by Jessica Simpson. Mostly for the fact that she just won’t go away. I remember when her career started and she had one, ONE, hit song. So basically she is a one hit wonder who is doing everything in her power to suck every second out of her 15 minutes of fame. News is coming out today, well yesterday really, that Jessica Simpson got dropped by her record label. Remember this isn’t some teen pop star record label, this is a reputable country record label.

Usually when you think of a big name like Jessica Simpson, you wouldn’t imagine that she would stoop to the level of opening for another singer/band. But that is exactly what she did. She opened for the Rascal Flatts and she was so bummed out about the nightly performances, she went to Cabo instead of the country music awards. Apparently on a nightly basis Jessica fumbled the lyrics and was greeted by booing crowds. The chick just sucks. At everything. Don’t get me wrong I totally wanna bang her and she is very good at looking pretty. But I think it is time she take a new career path. Pop music=fail.Country music= fail. Movies= fail. Pornography= best selling porn since Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson went on a vacation.

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A lot of people say I should go easy on the big people. That it is genetics or whatever. But when you are a chick like Jessica Simpson, you know genetics is not the reason for her weight gain. Also, she is a celebrity and gets a lot of public scrutiny. If she doesn’t want to be made fun of then she should stay out of the lime light. Another reason to “dis” the singer is that she is a total snob. She could give a regular guy a break and give him her phone number or go on tv and tell people how she is raising money for charity. But no.

Now the restraining order tells me I can not go anywhere near the star so I can not ask her these questions myself. But someone out there should ask. Why the fuck are you on such a high horse? Jessica is playing off this weight gain thing as something silly that she can laugh at. But most of the viewing public isn’t laughing. She says, ” I’ve had times when my pants split right down the middle when I bent down to reach a note.” Haha! Everyone laugh and point! What note anyway? Is she so dense that she can’t even remember the 3 string wonders someone else wrote for her? I could say something witty right now but I don’t wanna kill the buzz of laughing at Jessica Simpson when the denim tears on her ass when she tries to remember what the hell to do on stage. More pics of Jessica and her fat pooper below.

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Links that don’t sing or dance but have a sweet little ass

Aubrey O’Day is on the cover of Playboy- IBBB

Chris Brown speaks out on Facebook- Allie Is Wired

Kate Moss is see through and pregnant? – Drunken Stepfather

Teri Hatcher and Eva Longoria are going to kiss! – Celeb News Wire

Tommy Chong is friendly- IDLYITW

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Gwyneth Paltrow likes being the naked- Geno’s World

Katherine Heigl isn’t leaving Grey’s Anatomy because she is too ugly to work anywhere else- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Lily Allen hates pants- yeeeah

Jane Russell used to be hot- popbytes

Ivana Trump still thinks she’s young- Holy Moly

Fathead speaks out- I Don’t Want Your Life

The Jonas Brothers do Letterman- notorious news