Fatback Media

You’d think Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards would be a pedophile’s dream, yet it seems that the event was mostly filled with geriatrics . . . you know, the 25+ crowd. I mean you had your usual teenage suspects Miley Cyrus and Hayden Panettiere in attendance–by the way, nice ass shot for the kids, Hayden!–but you also had Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Love Hewitt and her Hips, and a very pregnant Jessica Alba. And speaking of Jessica Alba, is she there as a role model for 8 year olds who aspire to become pregnant before marriage? Well, I guess she is a better choice than Jamie Lynn Spears. Also, when you check out the pics from the Kids’ Choice Awards, notice Rihanna’s strange, strange face. She looks like a goddamn Star Trek character if you ask me . . .

My sentiments exactly, Katherine Heigl! I’d be freaked out upon seeing this lot of ladies as well. Seriously what is up with the clones?!? They are like Robert Palmer’s b’yatches in that old “Addicted to Love” video, only these are blonde and cheery instead of somber and robotic. Still and all, that shit freaks me out.

But what really freaks me out is how much money Katherine Heigl’s movie character theorectically would have had to have spent as a bridesmaid to have been in 27 weddings. Weddings ain’t cheap. Even for the most heinous bridesmaid dress you can pay a good $250, and that’s on the low side. Then factor in throwing a bridal shower, buying a gift for that, buying a wedding gift, and buying clothes for the entire weekend of never-ending events. So, figure on $1,000. And yet the new film “27 Dresses” wants us to believe that their main character has been a bridesmaid in 27 weddings. Listen, if someone is insane enough to be okay with spending upwards of $27,000 to be in their friends’ weddings you don’t have to think too hard about why that person is always a bridesmaid and never a bride.

Anyway, some hot girlies showed up at Katherine Heigl’s big premier night . . . and some not-so-hot ones. You can judge who is who . . .

While I gained five pounds binging on desserts and shit over the holidays, Hollywood girls found more productive uses for their time:

Jennifer Love Hewitt volunteered at an L.A. Soup Kitchen preparing meals for the homeless, and looking quite cute with Santa I may add. Meanwhile, Nicky Hilton was showing off her bronzed, bony body on vacation with her family in Maui. Note Paris’ beach get-up which I’m certain came from a vintage shop circa 1988. Nicolette Sheridan was also at a beach on Christmas–she and boyfriend Michael Bolton hung out in St. Barts where she showed the paparazzi she was no Jennifer Love Hewitt. Seriously, the woman is nearly 45 and looks friggin’ incredible! Finally, Kim Kardashian did some holiday shopping with Reggie Bush who will be just another “friend” who she gets mad about at the media for portraying her as sleeping with. No worries, KK–we know that you just have a lot of male friends and that the only guy you’ve had sex with is Ray-J. Yeah right.

So a few days ago I posted Jennifer Love Hewitt’s bikini pictures which the paparazzi shot while she vacationed with her fiancé in Hawaii. Actually, me and about 1,000 other websites featured those pictures. The fascination for me, and others, was that JLH was no longer a thin girl as she had been for so many years. That image was replaced by wide hips and cellulite. Anyway, this weekend Jennifer fired back a response to those pictures and wrote:

“This is the last time I will address this subject.

I’ve sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women’s bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I’m not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image.

A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn’t make you beautiful.

What I should be doing is celebrating some of the best days of my life and my engagement to the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with photographers taking invasive pictures from bad angles. I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family. And like all women out there should, I love my body.

To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini — put it on and stay strong.” (source)

But unfortunately here’s the problem with her heartfelt statement: It makes those of us who are a Size 2 want to shout, “YOU are not a Size 2 Ms. Hewitt!” Okay, well it has that effect on me. I’m totally hung up on the statement implying she is a 2.

Anyway, it’s pretty kewl that Jennifer has spoken out and that she loves her body the way that it is, despite the mud that we bloggers drag her through.

Oh the guilt I have in posting about Jennifer Love Hewitt’s ass! I mean, she’s always seemed like a really nice girl–decent, wholesome, intelligent, non-slutty. She’s not a Paris or Lindsey, and I really don’t want to attack her . . .But that ass!

Her ass made a huge appearance on the beach yesterday and the pics are flying in cyberspace. I want to be the better blogger and not write about her cellulite and the general size of her hips, thighs, and ass, I really do, but come on–that ass wants to be discussed! She apparently just got engaged to a Mix-A-Lot fan as well.

“They got engaged last week,” her rep tells Us. The couple is currently vacationing in Hawaii. (source)

Granted JLH has looked very pear-shaped for the last year or so, but she’s always been in clothing and I had no idea of the true extent of her curves. Mostly I guess I’m just in shock that someone who was once so adorable and small has been hiding this under her clothing . . .

Thanks to this weekend’s Spike TV’s “Scream Awards,” there were no hot actresses left floating around the streets of L.A. Nope, they were all at the Greek Theater, indeed. The Scream Awards are supposedly a celebration of the year’s best in Horror, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, and Comics, but I’m pretty sure it’s a veritable celebration of the best in T&A.

I have to hand it to Spike TV for getting Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, Kristanna Loken, and Jessica Biel in the same room. Though, had Spike also provided the girls with champagne, a hot tub, a false assurance of privacy, and then a live internet feed, it would have made for an even more interesting evening. But, I digress . . .

Check out the hotness at the Scream Awards, as well as the crumbs (i.e. Paris Hilton) . . .