Fatback Media

Querida Mi Hija J-Lo,

People who don’t tell others when they are pregnant until the bump is like way too obvious seriously annoy me. But people who DENY they are pregnant and continue to deny that they are pregnant even when the bump is obvious are in a whole other class of pissoffability as far as Miss Lennox is concerned. And you, mi amiga, and denials of the significance of your bump have landed yourself there.

However, this picture which undeniably reveals the true state of your womb should definitively make you understand that we KNOW you are pregnant and that continual denial of your fetus is just not acceptable. It’s plain stupid at this point.

From the looks of that bump you are way past the hush-hush 12-week mark. So give it up. Your Roberto Cavalli get-up has revealed what we’ve all known for two months or so.

Now let’s turn our attention to how hot J-Lo used to look. I say “used to” because for the next few months and then until she loses her baby weight, well, I highly doubt we’re going to like looking at her photos.

(Photo Source: http://www.jennylopez.net)

 

Jennifer Lopez no longer wants to be referred to as “J-Lo” fearing it only furthers her negative status as a diva. Blah, blah, who cares. Just don’t get rid of that junk in yo’ trunk, baby. I mean, no need for radical change.

Actress and singer Jennifer Lopez ditched the performing name of J-Lo, in a bid to dump her reputation as a diva.

The 37-year-old, famous for being demanding and stroppy, said her alter-ego was meant to be fun but “got out of control and really crazy”.She added: “That’s all gone with the ridiculous stories about me throwing tantrums and insisting on Egyptian sheets. That’s all firmly in my past.” (source)

Silly, J-Lo. Don’t you know you’ll never be known otherwise in spite of your efforts? It’s like that fat kid in 1st grade with spaghetti stains on his shirt that ate all the lunches during nap time. He’ll always be known as Fatty. Or that slutty girl in high school who used to help “excercise”  the football team underneath the bleachers in exchange for prom queen nominations. I’ll never live that down. Err, I mean, she’ll never live that down. Oh go fuck yourselves. Here’s some more J-Lo in Italian Vanity Fair. Bon Jovi, questo di pasta! Mortadella!

Jennifer Lopez is considering the doctrine of Scientology to help her conceive. Superhot Socialite’s Life has the deets…

The MAID IN MANHATTAN star, who recently attended the Italian wedding of top celebrity Scientologist TOM CRUISE, is reportedly taking tips from actress LEAH REMINI, who used the religion’s doctrines when she was trying to conceive her first child. According to American publication Life + Style, Lopez became interested in Scientology when Remini confided in her that the religion helped her conceive. An insider tells the publication, “She’s starting to understand the cleansing process. It’s all about putting the positive energy where you want it.” The source insists Lopez and her husband MARC ANTHONY are unlikely to join the church because he’s a devout Catholic, but “he’s willing to let Jen do what she needs to make things happen.” (From Contact Music Via source)

I think Mark Anthony may not want to join Scientology because they may find out that he made his way into this world by punching a hole through someone’s chest and crawling out. I’ve seen prettier faces on medical cadavers. Eeek. I don’t “get” Scientology. I usually cleanse myself with the positive energy of a strappy pair of Jimmy Choos and a deep tissue massage (with release) using a stolen credit card.  But not yours. We’re friends like that.