Jamie Lynn Spears
Jamie Lynn Spears Spends Her 17th Birthday at Wal-Mart
Apr 7th
If ever you think that Britney is the whitest shade of trash in the Spears family, consider how her little sis spent her birthday this weekend. Besides the fact that Jamie Lynn Spears spent her 17th birthday pregnant and hanging out with her baby Daddy, add to this that she spent it in a damn Wal-Mart. Now I understand being all down-home Southern and shit, but Wal-Mart? Is there no way to upgrade the shopping, Jamie Lynn? Even Kentwood, LA is sure to have a Target, right? I guess you can take the girl out of the trailer, but . . . you know the rest . . .
How Not to Get Pregnant, A Primer for Hollywood
Dec 20th
Considering that there have been three celebrity pregnancies to single moms announced in the past week or two, I believe that in Hollywood there may be a lack of information about how one becomes pregnant and what prevents pregnancy. If there is not misunderstanding, then I fail to comprehend how you’d let a pregnancy occur when
- You are, oh I don’t know, 16 years old (Jamie-Lynn Spears)
- You just lost a bunch of weight, look awesome, and shot your first scantily clad photo shoot (Lily Allen), or
- You are one of the hottest actresses in the world and pregnancy could mean losing the body that your career is based on (Jessica Alba).
Now before you lecture me on how it’s totally superficial to think about pregnancy in the context of ruining a woman’s body, let me remind you that it’s not like these girls are married and planned to start a family. That’s a whole other story. But anyway, I just want to share some facts about pregnancy that may help other celebs not to become prego:
- You can get pregnant even if you are 16. Oh and your popularity with 11 year-old Nickelodeon fans does not provide protection. Plus, if you have an insane famous sister, this makes you more prone to ruining your life as well. Get sterilized.
- If you are a rich A-lister with an ass to die for, your boyfriend is a nobody who isn’t even that attractive and is rumored to have given you Herpes, chances are he’ll knock you up. God sometimes plays jokes like that. Make him wear two condoms.
- When you lose 30 pounds or so and get to a healthy weight, you tend to enhance your fertility. Thus at the point that the media is making a row over your weight loss, you will need to get on and stay on the pill.
Just some fun facts, kids. Anyway, here’s some of what we very well may never see again from Jessica Alba . . .
