Fatback Media

Sinead Noonan is Miss Ireland 2008, so here she is eating a tea cake and holding a parasol like she’s on a magnolia plantation in Georgia. Huh? I have my doubts as to how “Irish” she really is. First, her face isn’t all red and she’s not holding a Guinness in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Second, she’s not in a fight or wearing a police/fireman’s badge (or alternatively cuffed in the back of a “paddy” wagon). Third she doesn’t have red hair and a bowl of lucky charms. So that pretty much clenches it. She’s a big phony. A big, incredibly beautiful phony with amazing legs with whom I’d like to discuss puppies and world peace. Toi, toi, toi, toi, toi.

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Happy 4th of July Americans! This is the day we celebrate kicking every one else’s ass in every war ever. As the last superpower standing, we come together every year and blow shit up on the day our forefathers signed the Declaration of Independence from our British oppressors. Those brave men signed a document that meant that all people had the right to live in freedom without worry of religious or government interference – as long as you were a white upper class property owner living in Boston, New York or Philadelphia. Fuck yeah!

It took us a few hundred years to figure out the racism part, but in those few hundred years we decided that America stands for truth, justice and hot chicks in bikinis. True story. They’re adding a book to the Bible right now called the Book of America and on page one is a picture of Marisa Miller. She’s half naked and she embodies everything that Jesus and John Hancock had in mind. So raise your glass of Sam Adams, here’s to America. The haters can suck a bald eagle dick.

[Ed. note: Okay, so I published this a bit late. Beer, BBQ, & bikinis are to blame... F.]

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This is Ashley Dupre, the former call girl who brought Eliot Spitzer’s political career to halt. Well not really. She was just trying make ends meet. He’s the asshole who paid $4000.00 a night to sleep with prostitutes even though he was the governor of the most politically charged state in the USA. Note to politicians: The whole getting caught with prostitutes is a cliche for a reason. Anyway. Turns out Ashley isn’tt the only hottie in her family. The other chick in these pics is her mom. No shit.

The 23-year-old brunette and her youthful-looking mother turned heads as they relaxed on Sea Girt’s beach, tanning in their string bikinis.”That’s her!” one passing beachgoer whispered as Dupre paused at the beach badge stand to buy a $7 daily pass.Stretching out on two large white towels, the mother and daughter lounged in the sun.Wading knee-high in the surf, Dupre’s butterfly tattoo was clearly visible below her belly button with the Latin phrase tutela valui.”She was here [Saturday] and last weekend. She seems nice,” said a girl selling badges. (Daily News)

I guess her mom either had Ashley when she was 12, or she has fucking excellent genes. Kinda like me. Except my mom really was 12 when she had me and she met my dad at a religious cult that worships farm animals. The downside was never knowing which of my pets was gonna end up as a sacrifice. The upside? Well there really isn’t an upside, you asshole.