Hilary Duff
Hilary Gets Beyoncified
Jul 10th
These are dangerous times for blonde-haired, white-bread celebs. Britney has proven herself to be certifiably crazy, Jessica Simpson only makes headlines for losing weight, and the other Simpson seemingly doesn’t exist now that her physical transformation is complete. On the other hand, Jessica Alba currently corners the market on hot, Rihanna is in every single magazine and billboard this summer, and Gabrielle Garcelle Beauvais is rocking the cover and a spread in Playboy this month. Gone are the blondes, and in are a crop of gorgeously ethnic women. This is not good news for flaxen-haired Miss Lennox at all.
Shape magazine has also hopped on the exotic craze and figured out a way to appeal to both the demographics of their readership and the zeigeist that craves curvy, bronzed beauties. With a little Photoshop magic, they take like, OMG, white chick Hilary Duff and Beyoncify her in their current issue. Ethnic Hilary is certainly spicy and Miss Lennox loves it! But to make her a little less vanilla, Shape’s Photo Editor could have gone the extra mile and used the Pen Tool to give Hil some Shakira hips.
God y’all, I suddenly feel the strong urge to go for a spray tan.
Hilary Duff Stalked by Killers
Oct 13th
Emily here. TGI Fucking Friday! Hilary Duff and boyfriend Joel Madden have recently filed for a restraining order against two alleged stalkers (and this time it’s not me!) Duff is claiming it has escalated to a level in which she fears for her life and has requested the men stay at least 100 yards away.
Hilary Duff claims in court documents that she fears for her life, alleging she and her boyfriend are being stalked by two men — one a paparazzi and the other a homeless man.
TMZ has obtained court documents filed today in Los Angeles Superior Court, in which Duff and Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden claim that a 19-year-old Russian emigre came to the United States “for the sole purpose of meeting and becoming romantically involved with Ms. Duff.”
The court documents state the man, whose first name is Max, “admitted to being ‘obsessed’ with her, has stated his intention of ‘removing’ his ‘enemies’ (i.e., those who prevent him from being with her), has stated his intention of purchasing a weapon, and has threatened to kill himself and to engage in dramatic actions to get her attention.”(source)
I don’t know what Hilary’s so uptight about; a stranger willing to die in an attempt to win her affection is flattery at its peak! Ask any southern girl. And, that’s just par for the course at the Chateau d’Emily. So many injuries sustained by suitors falling out of the tree outside my bedroom window. I guess I could close the blinds when I do my naked Pilates, but then I would miss out on all those nice people just dying to meet me. There’s nothing like a love confession from a man (or woman!) hanging from a tree, wearing nothing but a long gray trench coat, army boots and a smile to bolster a girl’s ego. That’s not crazy baby, that’s love. How do you think I met my current boyfriend? Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s almost visiting hours.
Oh, for you Pervy McCrotchrubber’s, here are more pictures of Hilary with Hayden Panettiere sucking on a lollipop and being too goddamn young for you. Perv.
