Fatback Media » Heroes

Um. What?

fatback — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:32:21 +0000

Click here to view the embedded video.

This is Hayden Panettiere singing(?) in a video(?) from her new album(?). Last time I checked Hayden was like 16. Boy they sure do grow up fast. I’m hoping that at least a few years have passed since she was 16 because after watching what she does in this video, I think I hear Dateline NBC at the door. PS. Is that Fergie’s voice?

Aww, Man

fatback — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 13:27:55 +0000

Hayden Panettiere cut her hair short. Why do girls think it’s cool to get short hair cuts? Short hair is not meant for hot chicks. It’s meant for mommies who have given up on life and hate their husbands. Hayden just went from smoking hot 18 year old cheerleader, to where’s my mini-van I need to take the kids to McDonald’s so I can get a god damn McFlurry.

There are only 2 times a girl should ever cut her hair short

Brain Surgery
Never

Meh.

(images:Phun)

Hayden Panettiere Singing Hero

fatback — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 13:04:30 +0000

Hayden Panettiere has reportedly reached out to former Spice Girl, Geri Halliwell to help get her music career(?) off the ground.

The actress signed deal with Hollywood Records years before her Heroes TV show became a big hit and now she is devoting her time to carving out a pop career.
Her new reggae-flavoured song – Wake Up Call – has been written by Andreas ‘Quiz’ Romdhane and Josef Larossi, who have previously churned out hits for Halliwell, Diana Ross and Westlife. (Contact Music)

Isn’t she like 18? So that means that “years before” means that some idiot signed a 12 or 13 year old to a record label thinking that was good idea. Young female singer’s need two things to make it the music industry:

Huge tits
Willingness to sleep with creepy record producers

1 + 2 = Instant stardom. No amount of HGH in the world can make that combo un-creepy if the girl is 13.

Those Thighs Could Kill You!

Lennox Miller — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 13:06:43 +0000

If you have a thigh fantasy in which you imagine a sweet death experienced between a stocky girl’s amply-muscled thighs, well, I’m pretty sure that Hayden Panettiere can provide that for you. When she’s legal, of course. Oh wait, she’s already dating a 30 old man so I guess there doesn’t need to be a wait. Hayden’s thighs amaze me, and not in a good way. Hayden and her thighs went grocery shopping with her dad today and provided me with deeper insight into their structure. From these new pictures, I’m pretty sure they measure about five inches from knee to the top of the thigh. I’ve been enlighted. And grossed out.

Hayden Panettierre Will Be Your Fat Aunt One Day

Lennox Miller — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 23:09:44 +0000

Thank you for bending over in front of paparazzi while shopping for your new camera, Hayden. Because now everyone will see what I’ve been saying forever. But, first they have to click on the link . . . I’m too damn poor to actually purchase the picture!

I’m sick of all the “great body” praised heaped on Hayden. The girl is like 5 foot-even on a good day, and her legs are thick and bowed. Seriously, in about 20 years Hayden will look like your fat aunt who embarrasses you every year at the beach as she parades around her cellulite-ridden, huge fat ass and thighs without wearing a wrap even when your mom softly suggests it.

Anyway, Hayden is heading down Fat Avenue, though her youth is preventing it from happening at this point in time. But in the future, there is nothing–not even plastic surgery–that can prevent the genetic destiny given to her with short, stubby, thick legs.