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God this chick is insufferable. Is there anything she does that’s not a photo-op? Don’t get me wrong, she looks great and her ass is definitely hot for a white girl, but there’s just something about her that seems kinda strip club-ish. Like,”Hey that stripper that gave me a lap dance was pretty hot…for a stripper”. She’s like 25 right? What’s up with the all the plastic surgery? I’m sure she’ll regret all these early enhancements in a few years when she’s getting pounded from behind by Drew Carey for a spot as a hostess on The Price Is Right. COME ON DOWN!

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Why is this guy famous? What does he do? Spencer Pratt rattles on about how he’s a “businessman”, but he’s no more than a self-righteous sanctimonious dick who gets everything he wants and treats everyone like shit. Therefore I think it is essential that multiple people kick his ass. The cool thing about rich kids is that a dude that pumps gas can still beat their sissy ass into a bloody, toothless mess. And no matter how many lawyers daddy hires and how much jail time someone gets for it, you still got your ass pounded and that shit stings.

I’m not inciting violence or threatening, so much as I’m just appealing to your sense of duty to human race. Do the right thing. Rocks are your friends. Here’s Spencer rolling back his foreskin and showing us his dick.

Pratt, 24, fired off a tersely-written statement to Usmagazine.com after [Mary Kate] Olsen, 22, told David Letterman The Hills star used to throw temper tantrums during their high school soccer games.”I apologize for getting caught up in trash talking, but she brought up an emotional subject when she mentioned the soccer stuff,” Pratt tells Us exclusively.”I know Dave was just doing his job in asking her,” he went on. “He’s the best in the game at that.” (US)

I love it when spoiled rich kids fight. It makes me forget about all the other cruel shit in world so I can focus my attention on brats who never had a day of strife in their life. Then I remember that they suck and also that Wal-Mart sells automatic rifle shells. You know what would be a cool super hero? The Malibu Punisher.

Here’s Heidi Montag, Pratt’s business partner in the final days before she gives up and becomes a porn star. Jesus loves her too!

Heidi Montag launched her clothing new line, “Heidiwood for Anchor Blue,” in La-La Land this weekend, thus proving that people with special needs really can do it all! See, Heidi is what my grandmother would call “touched.” She’s touched with delusions of grandeur, a lot of stupidity, a terrible voice, poor taste in men, and I’m pretty sure she’s been touched with a bit of Down’s Syndrome as we’ve suggested here before. So congratulations to Heidi for showing that those with small brains (and big, fake boobs) can live full lives. She’s truly an inspiration to all!

Heidi Montag, whose only reasons for being famous are having a huge rack and being born in a nice neighborhood, recently revealed that she is voting for John McCain in the upcoming 2008 Presidential election. Hordes of people went about their business not caring, as usual.

“I’m voting for John McCain,” she tells Us Weekly in its latest issue, on newsstands now.

“I’m a Republican and McCain has a lot of experience,” she explains. (Us)

I love it when famous people  - who have no idea how the world works because they are spoon fed the Hollywood version of reality - try to have an opinion. We don’t care. I fucking promise. Shut up and keep performing monkey. Also, my grandfather (who is a life long Republican and veteran) said he rather see a gay chinaman as president than John McCain because the gooks blowed his mind in the 70’s when he was a POW.  Did I mention my grandfather is really fucking old and racist? More of Heidi’s awesome boobs.

The Hills whore Heidi Montag got a new rack last year, and now she’s reportedly addicted to plastic surgery. Sources say Montag is now on a surgery rampage and is planning to get Botox injections, liposuction, and her ears pinned back. Because she’s a Doberman? Hell, I don’t know. A source tells InTouch Weekly:

“Heidi seems obsessed with plastic surgery. It’s all she seems to talk about. Heidi is far from done with her surgeries.”

Whatever psychosis this chick is going through, everybody should just chill, because it seems to be working from the neck down. She should just throw the rest of the money at her face, but she might have a hard time finding a doctor. Heidi looks like she has Downs, so the doctor would basically need to start over from scratch. And I’m thinking there might be lawsuits and police questioning involved with sneaking into Angelina Jolie’s house and taking a mold of her head.

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