Heidi Montag
Heidi Montag Sex Tape Imminent?
Aug 25th
I think they lost something behind the couch.
I love a good sex tape as much as the next guy – especially when your mom is in it – the camera loves her. Rumors have swirled (like poo in porcelain) for months about a possible Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt sex tape – underwhelming the shit out of everyone who blatantly continued living their lives. *Uses Dateline’s Keith Morrison voice* But now…all that is changed. It seems Heidi. Had sex. With…another girl. Ooooooh. Ooooh.
Shock the monkey TMZ:
We’re told Heidi has agreed to listen to Vivid Entertainment honcho Steve Hirsch when he arrives in Costa Rica to make an offer on the footage … some of which is said to contain girl-on-girl action with Playboy Playmate Karissa Shannon.
We’re told Heidi wants Hirsch to provide her with the sales numbers on Kim Kardashian’s sex tape — which was also released through Vivid — because Heidi may be interested in working out a “back-end deal” if Steve can’t offer enough cash up front to satisfy Montag.
In case you’re wondering why I have that banner pic of the two girls (and twins!); at least one of those girls is Karissa Shannon. I can’t tell them apart. I’m not sure if they can. I do know this: judging by pic number 3, either Hef is a tiny pixie man or those are some big bitches. Watch out Spencer, the pretty one might think you’re an albino chimp and spear you for her village. In case this is your first day out of Mexican prison and you’ve yet to feel the hurricane of Heidi Montag media rain down upon your face like a fetid golden shower in a Thai massage parlor, you can always go here and see more Heidi Montag relatively nude pics.
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- Honestly, I can’t tell them apart
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- I think they lost something behind the couch.
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- Damn they some big bitches
Spencer Pratt Chose Fame Over Heidi (HUH?)
Jul 19th
"God, I love me..."
Apparently, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have gotten a divorce and holyfuckinshit, I don’t care. Divorce? NOFUCKINGWAY! Was it mental cruelty? Irreconcilable differences? Adultry? Potted meat? Sodomize me with information, PEOPLE:
“We love each other but I’m a famewhore and I’ll never grow out of it,” Pratt tells PEOPLE. “[Heidi] knows that and doesn’t want that.”
“I want every kind of press,” he says. “She believes in bad press. There’s no way my love for fame and her love for puppies will ever work out successfully. She just wants to hike and hang out and be calmer.”
As for their infamous “Speidi,” moniker, Pratt says his estranged wife “doesn’t want to be Speidi anymore. She wants to be Heidi Montag: the sex symbol.” [Triple D titties have that effect-Fatback]
Don’t count this badmotherfingerer out though. Spencer loves it when a plan comes together…like in that one show that time. Here’s more from the vox populi, emphasis mine.
When fighting cyber crime fell through, [Whaaa...?- F.] Pratt says he decided to grow a beard and turn to art. “I’m switching it up,” he says. “I’ve already gone for the blonde, spiky-haired look. Now I’m going for the Hollywood producer look.”
Continues Pratt: “I’m an artist now. I have an easel and everything. I’m going for an art show and a gallery.”
I’m assuming that this quote was taken while Spencer Pratt sat in a kiddie pool of crystal meth. He went on to say that, he’s “pretty sure he’s a lock for that CIA clandestine services job on their career page, and also have you seen Michelle Obama’s ass? Tell me I never have to leave this room! Sweet.” Hey Spencer, here are some pictures of your ex-wife failing at nudity. Also, she’ll be fucking other dudes soon. Paint a pony for me!
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- “God, I love me…”
Do It Right This Time!
Feb 15th
It is being reported on RadarOnline.com that Heidi Montag is going back to Playboy very soon and that she will strip and actually show us her goody bits this time. I think Hef is a fool for even considering her again after she ripped us off so harshly in 2009. But that fact that she has had multiple plastic surgeries since then and has a much, MUCH bigger rack now, I will forgive her.
The pic above is a before and after pic of Heidi Montag between two of her plastic surgeries but trust me, she is much hotter and much different looking now. I just hope it is one of those “racy” Playboy photo shoots where they show a lot of her downstairs if you know what I mean. Know what I mean? Huh huh? Nudge nudge. Wink wink. Yea, you know what I’m talking about.
Get It Right This Time
Feb 10th
Heidi Montag posed for Playboy in 2009 and everyone was really let down when they found out that there would be no real nudity in it. Heidi has come to her sense and is in negotiations to be in Playboy again but this time show off her new breast implants. She just went broke making her cd and is being offered $500k from Playboy to bare all.
In many ways, Heidi Montag is the perfect girl. All she cares about is her looks so she will always be in shape and sexy. She is a little bit younger than me which is a bonus. She has DDD boobs now. And in the coming years she will be a millionaire again and can support me while I sit on the couch and watch porn sports. She just may be my favorite celebrity. A position that has not been coveted by many. Congrats Heidi. Now shows us those boobies!
