Hayden Panettiere is one of those goody goody teenage stars that don’t stay out late and get drunk at clubs and do stupid shit. Until now. Last night Hayden was seen making out with Jesse McCartney, 21, or at least he was making out with her neck. After a few minutes of that Hayden was seen, and never photographed, giving Jesse a lap dance. Hot. I am not 100% sure who Jesse McCartney is which tells me he is a goody goody too. Some people still think that Hayden is dating 31 year old Milo Ventimigla, but after this I would say they are dunzo.

Hayden is slowly coming out of her shell and is getting to be more and more of an extrovert. Which is good news because all the other stars in their early 20’s and late teens are all out of rehab and nothing interesting happens on the Sunset Strip anymore. One good sign of a true freak is the fact that Hayden wears a thong. See below. And Miley Cyrus is a bit of a freak but we will have to wait until she is 18 before we horn dog all over her. At least I will. When goody good Hayden was asked when she will give her next lap dance she said, ” Lap dance?! That’s a naughty no no. Private parts are yucky and covered in hair. It looks funny.” After that she caught a pink pumpkin carriage back to her castle.

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This is Hayden Panettiere singing(?) in a video(?) from her new album(?). Last time I checked Hayden was like 16. Boy they sure do grow up fast. I’m hoping that at least a few years have passed since she was 16 because after watching what she does in this video, I think I hear Dateline NBC at the door. PS. Is that Fergie’s voice?

Thank you for bending over in front of paparazzi while shopping for your new camera, Hayden. Because now everyone will see what I’ve been saying forever. But, first they have to click on the link . . . I’m too damn poor to actually purchase the picture!

I’m sick of all the “great body” praised heaped on Hayden. The girl is like 5 foot-even on a good day, and her legs are thick and bowed. Seriously, in about 20 years Hayden will look like your fat aunt who embarrasses you every year at the beach as she parades around her cellulite-ridden, huge fat ass and thighs without wearing a wrap even when your mom softly suggests it.

Anyway, Hayden is heading down Fat Avenue, though her youth is preventing it from happening at this point in time. But in the future, there is nothing–not even plastic surgery–that can prevent the genetic destiny given to her with short, stubby, thick legs.

I have to hand it to Spike TV for getting Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, Kristanna Loken, and Jessica Biel in the same room. Though, had Spike also provided the girls with champagne, a hot tub, a false assurance of privacy, and then a live internet feed, it would have made for an even more interesting evening. But, I digress . . .

Check out the hotness at the Scream Awards, as well as the crumbs (i.e. Paris Hilton) . . .

Hayden Panettiere, 18, and Stephen Colletti (that dude from Laguna Beach), 21, have split after dating for almost two years. Us Magazine reports:

As a source tells Us,”Their breakup has been a long time coming.” But that doesn’t mean the former sweethearts are feuding. Panettiere tells Us, “We are still very close friends and talk to each other frequently. We appreciate and support each other’s careers.”

Each other careers?? Hayden Panettiere stars in one of the most critically and commercially successful shows on television. The only thing I’ve ever seen this dude in is pictures holding Hayden’s hand. I didn’t know that was considered a career. I wonder what he’s going do next? Probably be giving me a test drive in a 2008 Ford F-150. And he better give me a good deal. The guy at the other dealership told me he’d take my trade no matter how much I owe!

Emily here. TGI Fucking Friday! Hilary Duff and boyfriend Joel Madden have recently filed for a restraining order against two alleged stalkers (and this time it’s not me!) Duff is claiming it has escalated to a level in which she fears for her life and has requested the men stay at least 100 yards away.

Hilary Duff claims in court documents that she fears for her life, alleging she and her boyfriend are being stalked by two men — one a paparazzi and the other a homeless man.

TMZ has obtained court documents filed today in Los Angeles Superior Court, in which Duff and Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden claim that a 19-year-old Russian emigre came to the United States “for the sole purpose of meeting and becoming romantically involved with Ms. Duff.”

The court documents state the man, whose first name is Max, “admitted to being ‘obsessed’ with her, has stated his intention of ‘removing’ his ‘enemies’ (i.e., those who prevent him from being with her), has stated his intention of purchasing a weapon, and has threatened to kill himself and to engage in dramatic actions to get her attention.”(source)

I don’t know what Hilary’s so uptight about; a stranger willing to die in an attempt to win her affection is flattery at its peak! Ask any southern girl. And, that’s just par for the course at the Chateau d’Emily. So many injuries sustained by suitors falling out of the tree outside my bedroom window. I guess I could close the blinds when I do my naked Pilates, but then I would miss out on all those nice people just dying to meet me. There’s nothing like a love confession from a man (or woman!) hanging from a tree, wearing nothing but a long gray trench coat, army boots and a smile to bolster a girl’s ego. That’s not crazy baby, that’s love. How do you think I met my current boyfriend? Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s almost visiting hours.

Oh, for you Pervy McCrotchrubber’s, here are more pictures of Hilary with Hayden Panettiere sucking on a lollipop and being too goddamn young for you. Perv.