But unlike myself, the stars were eager to see the film and came out for the L.A. premier of Cloverfield on Tuesday night because, you know, people are going to want to know how it all went down. Shit! I told you the trailer had invaded my brain . . .

If your looking for spoilers well, check our our sister site Zed’s Dead.

Since the Dallas Cowboy’s early exit from this year’s NFL playoffs, snipers and ninjas in the Dallas area are waiting for Jessica Simpson to step foot inside the city limits, because they feel she was partly responsible for the loss. Yesterday on his blog, Simpson’s ex-bf John Mayer asks us to politely leave Jessica alone. Sorry. He writes:

Dear Dallas and Surrounding Areas,

This isn’t a sports blog, and it isn’t a publicity stunt. (but have at me if it feels right.)

This is about doing what I think is right as a person, in this case speaking my mind.

I have never known anyone to have more pride in their home state and their upbringing in it than Jessica Simpson has in Texas. I don’t really follow sports, but I have played some of my biggest and best concerts in your state, and having witnessed how dynamic the spirit there is, I’m betting emotions are running high right about now.

All witty barbs, blogs, and fashion policing aside, that girl loves Texas more than you know. It’s one of her most defining traits as a person. So please don’t try and take that away from her. (You probably wouldn’t be able to, but it’s less work for all involved.)

I just thought it would mean something coming from the guy who has the absolute least to gain from this. And if I’m out of line in having written it, too bad. I can spare a Wednesday’s worth of bad press if it means sticking up for a good soul.

JM

ZZZZZZ. Whatever. After “I don’t really follow sports”, I kinda stopped reading. That’s because I pictured John writing this wrapped in a shawl, sipping sherry, and watching Barefoot Contessa. I figured he might not be the authority on the 3-4 defense or understanding why national media coverage involving your starting quarterback’s vacation might not be the best thing to happen to your team a week before a playoff game.

The Hills whore Heidi Montag got a new rack last year, and now she’s reportedly addicted to plastic surgery. Sources say Montag is now on a surgery rampage and is planning to get Botox injections, liposuction, and her ears pinned back. Because she’s a Doberman? Hell, I don’t know. A source tells InTouch Weekly:

“Heidi seems obsessed with plastic surgery. It’s all she seems to talk about. Heidi is far from done with her surgeries.”

Whatever psychosis this chick is going through, everybody should just chill, because it seems to be working from the neck down. She should just throw the rest of the money at her face, but she might have a hard time finding a doctor. Heidi looks like she has Downs, so the doctor would basically need to start over from scratch. And I’m thinking there might be lawsuits and police questioning involved with sneaking into Angelina Jolie’s house and taking a mold of her head.

More Pics here

Hey, I don’t know if Tila Tequila is gay for pay (i.e. pretending to be bisexual on her reality show since it means a fat paycheck), and I don’t care . . . but I do care that she showed up at SPIKE TV’s Video Game Awards looking adorable as always. And, she wasn’t the only hot girl there. I’ll give it to SPIKE TV–hands down they always have the best looking attendees and presenters at their award shows. I mean first the “Scream Awards” was packed full of tasty starlet hotness, and now the “Video Game Awards” is following suit . . . not to mention the TV channel hosts the HOOTERS Swimsuit Pageant.

Damn. This channel is brilliant. Evidence of their commitment to hotness at their awards shows is below . . .

Lourdes Leon, 11, Madonna’s daughter with that Mariel boatlift personal trainer dude, has been approached by executives at Warner Bros. to appear in the next Harry Potter movie as a student at Hogwarts. Sources believe the small role could be her big break. The Sun reports:

Warner Brothers approached the 11-year-old – whose dad is fitness trainer Carlos Leon – through Madge. And I hear she’s desperate to accept the magical role. A source said: “Lola has definitely inherited her mother’s hunger for fame. After all her recent public appearances, looking more like a sophisticated teen than a child, the attention on her is really growing. Offers have poured in – film offers, sponsorship.”

Um, I’m just gonna raise my hand here and ask if “sophisticated teen” is code for “werewolf”. If so, that would really help explain this article.

Not even attempting to hide her symbiotic relationship with the paparazzi, Britney Spears has partnered with photo agency and Britney stalkers, X17, to raise money for UNICEF by auctioning a signed CD on eBay. In a press release issued by X17, somebody else other than Britney Spears said:

“I think it’s important to give back and with the release of Blackout, this seemed like the perfect opportunity to give the fans a chance to bid on something to help children everywhere.”

Calm down Britney fans. Please try to remember that Britney’s part ended with her taking a sharpie and scribbling her name on the front of a CD. She didn’t fly a cargo plane of supplies over Africa. It was a nice thought though. Maybe they can donate the proceeds to Sean Preston and Jayden James’ dental plan, because apparently Britney’s money is tied up in other investments.

Source

Donda West, 58, Kanye West’s mother and former chairwoman of the English Department at Chicago State University, died from uncontrollable bleeding and a possible heart attack after receiving a combination breast reduction and tummy tuck. Mrs. West, who had been turned down by a previous doctor, Dr. Andre Aboolian, in June because of her preexisting health issues, went to another Beverly Hills doctor to have the procedure performed and insisted on recuperating at home. Aboolian says:

“Donda was pushing me, ‘Can I go home after surgery?’ But I told her it just doesn’t work that way,” said Dr. Andre Aboolian of Beverly Hills. “The most dangerous time after surgery is the first 48 hours. I told her you have to go to an overnight care facility with nurses who look after you.” Aboolian called West a “sweet” woman who almost talked herself out of the procedure during their conversation. “She said she didn’t deserve to have this done. She kept asking, ‘Do I really need this?’” he recalled. “It’s not like she was being vain. It was heavy on her body.”

This is why I don’t like plastic surgeons. They never give a black woman a chance.

Kelly Brook is one of those UK girls with big tits who are famous for having big tits and getting naked, but the problem is that Kelly Brook is now so famous in the UK, that she really doesn’t have to get naked anymore. She just goes around to places selling her crappy line of perfume and bikinis. Or her lingerie like she did at a New Look Store yesterday. It really becomes a problem when Brook can’t even be bothered to model any of it and hires models. At least I think they’re models. The one on the far right is kinda hot, but I’m almost positive the one in red was born a man. And I’m not sure the tall one is even human. I don’t know what she did after the show but there’s a good chance that her to do list may have include “terrorize villagers.”

Good God, Gavin Rossdale really is one hell of a trophy husband and then some! Mmmmm! Gwen Stefani is a hella lucky girl. The pic above was taken this weekend while Gavin played at the Chris Evert Pro-Celebrity Tennis Classic in Boca Raton. The man is like 43 years old with a better body than most 25 year olds I know. Mmmmmm! Oh, sorry, did I already say that? Well men like Gavin cause Miss Lennox’s words to escape her overwhelmed brain. I mean my head gets all filled up with visions of me licking the sweat off of his chest, heading south to explore more of his happy trail, and then . . . oh crap, you’re reading this at work? Well, I’ll stop then, but let me leave you with some additional gorgeous pictures of Gavin . . .