Police are now saying that actor Shia LeBeouf, while intoxicated, did not cause the accident a few nights ago that flipped his vehicle slightly injuring him and Transformers 2 co-star Isabel Lucas.

Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore says detectives have determined that the other driver, who has not been identified, ran the light and will also be cited. LaBeouf was booked for a misdemeanor DUI and underwent surgery for injuries to his left hand.

“He was not at fault,” Whitmore said of the “Transformers” actor.

LaBeouf’s pickup truck collided with another vehicle at 3 a.m. Sunday in West Hollywood. Lucas and the driver of the other vehicle were not seriously injured. (Yahoo)

Isabel Lucas is the 23 year old Aussie hottie that is starring in the Transformers sequel (not to be confused with Aussie hottie Rachel Taylor who starred in the first Transformers movie). Isabel Lucas is reportedly dating entourage’s Adrian Grenier, but she was out late drinking with Shia “Where’s The” LeBoeuf. Shia was also seen kissing Megan Fox backstage at the MTV Movie Awards, which makes him my personal hero (taking the place of Jesus). Is Shia sleeping with your girlfriend? I’d say it’s probably a likelihood. Not your mom though. She’s kind of ragged out since I broke up with her.

The new Indiana Jones Movie, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, evidently blew away the critics and movie goers alike. Most summer blockbusters tend to make your brain cry, and this one is probably no different. America likes 3 things in a Summer Blockbuster.

1. Awesome
2. More Awesome
3. Tits

I guess 2 out of three ain’t bad.

• Jessica Alba’s staring contest
• Jessica Alba Shopping For Cushions
• Harrison Ford Is No Action Hero
• durina’s sister has some big ass tit tays!
• Weirdassery – Webster’s Is My Bitch
• Britney Spears Bikini Pics : Fat or Pregnant? | The Bastardly
• Jason Giambi Wears a Gold, Tiger-Stripe Thong
• Nice Day For A Dyke Wedding at Yeeeah!
• Deep Thoughts by Harrison Ford | Candy Kirby
• Whitney Port’s Naked Boobie at Lunch
• Angelina Jolie Flashes Her Boobs
• Aishwarya Rai @ “Kung Fu Panda” Premiere
• Chanelle Hayes Sex Tape – Full Length Video

This is Eva Amurri, Susan Sarandon’s daughter who’s currently featured in the new film, The Life Before Her Eyes with Uma Thurman and Evan Rachel Wood. Not only is Eva a talented actress and humanitarian she also has giant beautiful boobies; which makes here a true hero to the human race. Here’s more about the movie:

A dramatic thriller about Diana, a suburban wife and mother who begins to question her seemingly perfect life–and perhaps her sanity–on the 15th anniversary of a tragic high school shooting that took the life of her best friend. In flashbacks, Diana is a vibrant high schooler who, with her shy best friend Maureen, plot typical teenage strategies–cutting class, fantasizing about boys–and vow to leave their sleepy suburb at the first opportunity. The older Diana, however, is haunted by the increasingly strained relationship she had with Maureen as day of the school shooting approached. These memories disrupt the idyllic life she’s now leading with her professor husband Paul and their young daughter Emma. As older Diana’s life begins to unravel and younger Diana gets closer and closer to the fatal day, a deeper mystery slowly unravels (IMDB)

I know what you’re thinking. This could go one of two ways. Evan Rachel Wood and Eva Amurri have lots of full frontal experimental high school sex (good!) or this movie turns out to be a character study into the the motivations of the new suburban neo-capitalist (read: Nietzsche’s cattle) vis-a-vis the military industrial machine and the deliberate desensitization to violence through media and video games that threatens to tear our society apart (bad!). Let’s hope for boobies!

Someone give that girl some soul food. I mean, she’s been to Africa, and that’s the mother of all souls but girlfriend needs some sammies. I’ve got a cure for that flat ass and those bony arms; it’s called fried chicken and sweet potato pie. Maybe you’ve heard of it? It’s not that she isn’t gorgeous. She’s got that motherly glow, totally in-love, blood drinker thing going for her; it’s just that if you take away those 15 pounds of hair and 9 pound lips, you’re left with a skeleton with some gnarly tattoos in expensive shoes.

Here are a few pics of her the Oceans 13 premiere. Enjoy Angelina Skeletor at your own leisure.

{Ed. note: I don’t know Em, she still has her rack. Other than that she’s real fat fatty.-Fatback} 

Rolling Stone’s June issue is set to feature Johnny Depp and Keith Richards, stars of the upcoming Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. Richards will be playing Cap’n Jack Sparrow’s (Depp) father.

It’s damn near typecasting, since Depp admits he used Richards as a model for the dreadlocked, mascaraed Jack. As Roger Ebert wrote, “Depp seems to be channeling a drunken drag queen, with his eyeliner and the way he minces ashore and slurs his dialogue ever so insouciantly.”

RS also insouciantly added:

Depp’s trailer is movie-star expansive and well swabbed with couches and wall tapestries, yet the joint also has the scary vibe of a voodoo lounge. After all, Richards, a certified wild card, recently told a Brit magazine that he was so close to his late dad, Bert, that he snorted his ashes with a bit of blow… Days earlier, [a] reporter earned the wrath of Keith for mistaking Richards’ famed skull ring for an Iggy Pop copy. The blunder led the rock icon to threaten the journalist with sodomy by banana.(source)

It’s no secret I have a weakness for badass rockstars with attitudes, so the news of Keith threatening sodomy by banana MADE MY FUCKING DAY. This story isn’t southern and it isn’t sexy, but it’s a riot. Not all celebrity gossip is filled with hot women with ginormous racks, you greedy bastards. Learn to appreciate the finer things in life, like fine wine, good music, strippers who accept checks and coked-out 60 year old rockstars.

And because I know you only come here for the gratuitous tit and ass shots, here’s some photos of ultra hot Karolina Kurkova. You can’t pronounce it, but you don’t need to. Kisses!

-Em.

Super hot movie star Jessica Alba claims she’s “goofy”?. And my question is: Who cares? She can claim to be Rolanda Queen of the Nicaraguan Sunsets as long as she keeps making movies in a bikini. Nothing says acting chops like a string bikini. True story.

“People think of me as just a sexy girl,” the self-described “dork,” 26, says in the June issue of InStyle, “but I’m really goofy , like, super goofy.”

Not that she’s knocking her looks, which first made her famous on the 2000-02 TV series Dark Angel. “I had womanly curves at a young age,” she says. “Usually kid actors are a few years older than the roles they play. I was two or three years younger.” (source)

This is the point where I would call Jessica a conceited whore because I really think she is, but with that body, goofy or not, she could poke out your eye with a pencil sharpened on the sidewalk and you’d still line up to drink her bath water. Where I come from, having curves at a young age is not as sexy as it may sound. It pretty much relegates you to marriage by senior year, dropping out and living in a trailer park taking care of three dirty faced children while your husband, the former football captain, shows off his skills as the manager of the Piggly Wiggly. I’m not saying that southern teen mothers are trashy uneducated whores. Well actually, yes. Yes I am. But Jesus loves them, god bless ‘em, and that’s all that matters.

Here’s Jessica getting into some trouble with the law. You have the right to remain sexy. Owwww.

Katie Holmes is pissed. New York Post reports that a young virgin has changed her name to Katee Holmes and will be starting a porn career, in which she will lose her virginity in her first film. Get it? Katie, Katee? Duh.

“It’s a really cheap shot,” a rep for the actress, who’s married to Tom Cruise, told Page Six. But Shy Love, an adult film vet who manages the 5-foot-9, 122-pound Katee – a small-town girl from Illinois – insisted: “Katee is using the name as a tribute to Katie, who has always portrayed an innocence in everything she’s done, beginning with ‘Dawson’s Creek.’ ”

“I know it’s pretty extreme to lose my virginity on camera, but I like the fulfillment and excitement I get from watching porn, so I figured [a movie] was the best place for me to lose it,” the not-that-innocent Katee said. “How many people wished they could relive their first experience, if not to remember it but to learn from it, right?” (source)

Man, what a whore. But guys love whores. I think the’re taken aside at an early age and shown cheap porn mags like Cheri, or Oui, forever conditioning them to hit on the cheapest, sluttiest girl in the bar. That being said, it’s like Katee stole the idea right out of my goddamned head. No doubt you will be lined up to see this nubile, young thing lose her love flower, wishing you were the one giving her the bulging love stick. What the fuck did I just say? Anyway, instead, you are crying, realizing you just lost your virginity to the 19 year-old hag babysitter who punched you in the face as she called you the wrong name. Then she made you get her McDonalds. Sucked to be you. Loser. More Katee. I mean Katie. I mean Kate.

Two Aussies walk into a bar…well it had all the makings of a good joke. Except, it didn’t. Australian leading ladies (and BFF!) Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts will star together in a “sexy thriller�.

“Nip/Tuck� creator Ryan Murphy plans to spend this Fall shoot “Need� which has
Watts playing a psychiatrist, and Kidman as the unstable patient who steals the shrink’s husband.� (source)

I love Australia and I watch a lot of National Geographic HD so I’m pretty fucking smart about the Aussies. So when the headline reads something like, “Kidman and Watts to star in a movie togetherâ€?, I’m all in. Two Australian hotties in the same film together sounds pretty amazing. You can only imagine my chagrin to learn that Nicole and Naomi won’t be dressed up as aborigines who play those long hollow sticks that go “waow-waow, waow waow”. Nor will the film include wallabies, tequila, vegimite, or the appropriate use of the phrase “that’s a knifeâ€?, or “shrimps on the barbie”. Maybe it’s period piece? If we’re lucky, however, Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts will talk funny to each other and giggle then make out. I don’t generally watch foreign films unless they have gratuitous boobs, mood music or a character named “Pierreâ€?, but it might be worth seeing.

In a recent interview with GQ, Jake Gyllenhaal reveals to the ladies that he’s a “badassâ€? with a “dark side” so any potential girlfriends better rekkanize.

Women interested in the job should know, however, that the actor isn’t just your stereotypical sensitive guy – he also has a dark side, according to Robert Downey Jr., who stars with Gyllenhaal in the upcoming David Fincher thriller Zodiac.

“You could say he’s too sensitive for this industry,” Downey Jr. tells GQ. “That’s not even the right word. He’s clear. But he’s also a total badass. He and Steve McQueen would have gotten along amazingly. Guys who will do anything, anywhere.”

Playing into that “badass” characterization, Gyllenhaal tells GQ that he loves cooking, going to the farmers’ market and “sometimes what I actually love to do is go to a farm and get fresh milk or watch a pig get slaughtered.” (source)

First of all, Jake Gyllenhaal is about as badass as a kitten with ball of string. Second, I’m from the south and nobody drinks farm fresh milk anymore since we invented science. Third. There really is no third. I’m going go back out to put lipstick on my pig for the county fair, y’all. Yeehaw. Since Jake Gyllenhaal is not as hot as Josie Maran on a farm I have included these. QED

Heather Graham + lesbian scene with Bridget Moynahan = OMG. Heather and Bridget Moynahan play lesbians the upcoming movie ‘Gray Matters’?.

The stunning actress is to portray a woman, Gray, who discovers she is gay after falling in love with her brother’s girlfriend. Heather’s same-sex love interest, Charlie, will be played by the beautiful Bridget Moynahan, who appeared alongside Will Smith in sci-fi thriller ‘I, Robot’. Heather said: “It’s sort of a romantic comedy. I realise I’m gay and come out of the closet.” The 36-year-old blonde star shares a number of passionate scenes with Bridget in the movie but insists she is ‘comfortable’ getting steamy with another woman. (source)

I always seem to picture Heather Graham as Rollergirl in Boogie Nights. And Mark Wahlberg will always be Dirk Diggler. And I will always be disillusioned as to the size of a man’s penis. And by disillusioned I mean really fucking disappointed. Thanks, Marky Mark. Anyway, I’m glad to see Heather’s coming back, lesbian style. Of course, Heather could perform at a Mexican donkey show and I’d still find her outrageously hot. Don’t judge me.

Heather at the SAG Awards.