Drugs
Amy Winehouse Wasn’t Always Anorexic
Jul 24th
Miss Lennox is not a betting woman, but I’d sure like to enter a celebrity death pool and place my bet on Amy Winehouse to pop off some time within 2008.
But, Amy Winehouse hasn’t always looked like the Bride of Frankenstein who starved to death, was resuscitated, and took up a career as a chanteuse. Nope. Miss Lennox found the above before and after pic of Amy dating back to 2004 when she actually had full breasts and hips, shiny hair, and only one faint tattoo on her forearm.
She’s had a lot of no-show performances in her native England lately, and when she has shown up she’s been a wreck and has forgotten her words. Because of her drug-fueled bizarre behavior, it’s only a matter of time until a probing journalist asks very obvious questions or she comes out and makes a statement. And when she does declare that she is not on drugs and not starving herself, but has always been this thin, well my pretties, just remember this photo you are seeing here today.
And check out her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil in the pic below. I have a sneaking suspicion that he and Amy compete to see who can eat less each day and call each other fat ass when the other does put anything in their mouth other than alcohol or pills.
Lindsay Lohan is hardcore
Jul 3rd
These are some of the most boring photos EVER of Lindsay Lohan celebrating her 21st birthday by the beach. I think I’m starting a petition to bring back the fire crotch. Sobriety is for quitters.
Not only was Lindsay’s beachfront birthday blowout supervised by her mother (who brought along her little brother for extra support), but we’re hearing that the party’s entertainment was overseen by a team of Promises folks – according to our source, the strongest stuff at the party was lemonade and soda! (source)
Dude, when your rehab coach supervises your 21st, you know you have a problem. I’m sure they figured out a way to get some contraband in there. Scope with a vanilla extract chaser anyone? Hardcore, bitches. Sucks to be Lindsay Lohan. I spent my 21st birthday in proper southern fashion, pounding Jager bombs and dancing topless on a table with a dude in a trucker hat and a spider monkey. That is, of course, until we were asked to leave due to ‘inappropriate behavior’. Fucking Waffle House. Anyway. Is it just me or is LiLo’s mother a total MILF? Wait, I meant really creepy looking bitch.
Elevenety billion more boring pics of Lindsay Lohan at her boring drug free party here.
Keith Richards threatens banana sodomy
May 25th
Rolling Stone’s June issue is set to feature Johnny Depp and Keith Richards, stars of the upcoming Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. Richards will be playing Cap’n Jack Sparrow’s (Depp) father.
It’s damn near typecasting, since Depp admits he used Richards as a model for the dreadlocked, mascaraed Jack. As Roger Ebert wrote, “Depp seems to be channeling a drunken drag queen, with his eyeliner and the way he minces ashore and slurs his dialogue ever so insouciantly.”
RS also insouciantly added:
Depp’s trailer is movie-star expansive and well swabbed with couches and wall tapestries, yet the joint also has the scary vibe of a voodoo lounge. After all, Richards, a certified wild card, recently told a Brit magazine that he was so close to his late dad, Bert, that he snorted his ashes with a bit of blow… Days earlier, [a] reporter earned the wrath of Keith for mistaking Richards’ famed skull ring for an Iggy Pop copy. The blunder led the rock icon to threaten the journalist with sodomy by banana.(source)
It’s no secret I have a weakness for badass rockstars with attitudes, so the news of Keith threatening sodomy by banana MADE MY FUCKING DAY. This story isn’t southern and it isn’t sexy, but it’s a riot. Not all celebrity gossip is filled with hot women with ginormous racks, you greedy bastards. Learn to appreciate the finer things in life, like fine wine, good music, strippers who accept checks and coked-out 60 year old rockstars.
And because I know you only come here for the gratuitous tit and ass shots, here’s some photos of ultra hot Karolina Kurkova. You can’t pronounce it, but you don’t need to. Kisses!
-Em.
Keith Richards: Drug Cannibal
Apr 4th
In news that can be filed under both the “Holy Shit” and “Of Course He Did” categories, Keith Richards was recently quoted as saying that he snorted his father’s ashes mixed with cocaine, adding that it, “…went down pretty well”. Richards explained:
“The strangest thing I’ve tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared.” (source)
I’ve really got to hand it to “Keef”. At this point he could show up to a concert with a tar filled bloody syringe dangling from his forearm and I don’t think anyone would even bat an eye. Paris and Britney’s drug rumors send people into orbit but we celebrate this guy like he’s the goddamned crazy uncle that we all wish we’d had growing up that would sneak us Playboys and warm Coors Lights when no one was looking.
Maybe it’s our fault for being so stuck up and snobby when it comes to illegal drugs. Maybe if we all spent our entire lives mainlining Jack Daniel’s and chugging Marlboro Reds we’d all be multimillionaires. I’ll call it the “Human Cockroach Diet” and market it as the surefire way to laugh in Death’s face for the better part of a century. There’s no way this can fail. I think I’m on to something! Speaking of segueing into something non sequitur, here’s Marissa Miller to warm you northern folks up today.
-Shooter.
