Country hottie Mindy McCready is back in rehab after reportedly trying to kill herself with Vodka and Ambien (a popular sleep medication) and Dr. Phil may be coming to her rescue. Maybe. Ambien seems to be the new pill of choice for today’s drug users. Sanofi Aventis should just give out samples of Ambien CR with every  gram bag of coke that you buy. That would save a lot of marketing dollars. And in this economy…sheesh!

TMZ has learned the troubled McCready went off the deep end late last week after getting dumped by her boyfriend and collapsed while on the phone with her mother. She downed a bottle of vods and pills in what we’re told was a “suicide attempt.”

She’s headed to Arizona for treatment, and a source says that was all Phil’s idea. We’re told he’s taken Mindy under his wing as a “personal project.” As for whether or not she’ll be on the show, time will tell. (TMZ)

God damn, Mindy McCready likes to be drunk. When I eventually sleep with her, I’ll make sure to tell her that her life is spinning out of control and she needs some help as I throw the money on nightstand and walk out the next morning. But, I’ll leave her a bottle of Stoli and 2 Ambien CR’s with a note that says “call me”. Works every time.

Pete Doherty was sentenced yesterday to 14 weeks in prison for violating his probation. He’s been arrested countless times for drugs, violence and even squirting his own blood on a reporter. He’s committed so many crimes I think he is officially his own mafia. So, in the grand scheme of things I think probation violation is the one that should stick.

The judge in his case, Davinder Lacher, had spared Doherty a custodial sentence last year and gave him four weeks to prove he could stay off drugs after he was found in possession of crack, heroin, cannabis and ketamine.

The singer’s extensive criminal record includes assault, possession of a flick-knife and numerous driving and drug offenses.

Doherty’s long-serving lawyer, Sean Curran, said the singer accepted the court’s sentence. (Daily Mail)

Pete Doherty has done so many drugs that they named a town after him in Columbia. British people have to fly at least 3 hours in any direction just to score a dime bag. The UK legal system never seems to put Pete in jail which is why he’s high all the time and such an insufferable, scabby, asshole. The arresting part they have down. The putting in jail part never seems to come work out. As a judge, how can you not incarcerate someone who enters a plea of, “Do you know where I can score some ketamine, I have court today?”. Bong. Bong.

Whine, whine, whine, Amy Winehouse needs help, Amy Winehouse needs someone to save her. Bitch and moan, but what I say she needs is to stop moldering like that shit in the back of some college kid’s fridge and grow the fuck up. Addicted to drugs, eating prostitute snatch, and sucking every dog cock that comes your way will eventually give you herpes of the head, you know.

Nasty. If you are jacking off to these pics, email me. I have some links to send you for more zombie porn.

Looks like little Dannielynn, Anna Nicole Smith’s baby daughter is about to be rich. Which is great because her dead mom was a drugged out tramp who would have eventually killed her like she did her other kid Daniel. So Dannielynn gets millions and she doesn’t go on to die at 15 because her mom gave her a lethal dose of Schedule IV drugs in her breakfast cereal. Win-win.

Anna Nicole Smith’s 18-month-old daughter Dannielynn has been declared the sole heir to the former Playmate’s estate.

But wait there’s more!

In addition, the judge also established a trust in Dannielynn’s name, and named Stern and the child’s father Larry Birkhead as co-trustees. (TMZ)

Oh. So that’s why those two have been so friendly. This pretty much means that Dannielynn will have about $1.71 left over in her trust fund by the time she turns 21. Sorry Dannielynn. I would just keep that as my stage name later on. I think it plays. Also, here are some suggestive photos of Dannielynn’s dead mom because I’m a dick. And if you have forgotten what she looks like naked: here you go.

Aaron Carter (?), Nick Carter’s (?) little brother was caught with 2 ounces of weed after a traffic stop for speeding.

Nick Carter’s baby bro, Aaron, was busted earlier today in Kimble County, Texas with at least two ounces of marijuana! TMZ has confirmed Aaron was pulled over on I-10 earlier today for speeding — and when authorities decided to search his vehicle, they found the fat stash inside. (TMZ)

Wait. Aaron Carter is white? I thought Nick Carter was that black guy that long poled Kim Kardashian in that sex tape? Wait. Nope. Turns out the black guy with the donkey dick was Nick Cannon. Thanks Wikipedia! That was freakin’ me out because can you imagine how Diff’rent Strokes that would have been? Aaron would cry to Mr. Drummond about how the kids at the inner city school beat his ass for trying to talk gangsta, and Nick would fuck Aaron’s mom and record it on his cellphone. A very special episode!

Here’s some jailbait chick name Kaci Brown that Aaron used to date because she thought he could make her famous.

“Good Blake”: Kelly Osbourne introduced Amy to another Blake, Blake Wood, who is now her new pal around town in London. Blake is dubbed “Good Blake” as a contrast to Amy’s hubby, a drug addict currently serving time in the slammer. Good Blake is a vegetarian who doesn’t drink and is a good influence on Amy’s sobriety, but the problem is that they were spotted last week spending the night together in a hotel. Amy claims he’s gay so nothing is happening and it’s not a big deal. Hubby, Blake Incarcerated feels differently.

Tweaked Blake: Ah, Blake Fielder-Civil. Pure class. Maybe it was reports of Amy and Good Blake spending too much time together that drove Blake to heroin while in jail, but whatever the cause, he nearly died from shooting up tainted junk while in jail. He collapsed in pain after shooting up the substance and was rushed to the jail’s hospital along with six other dumbass inmates who did the same. Did I mention he had already failed three drug tests prior to this heroin emergency? Yeah.

Amy: She’s taken her grotesque black makeup to another level and drew on a black tear under her left eye. Apparently she wants us all to know she’s sad to have almost lost Tweaked Blake. I wonder how sad she is that he allegedly bought the fake heroin by selling her photos to a prisonmate?

Here’s Amy in photos from yesterday. Lovely!

Here’s Amy from yesterday in photos that the press is saying show how she’s on the “road to recovery” and she’s the “picture of health”. Except her picture looks like Dorian Gray. On crack.

The reports are false, claim her spokesperson. “Amy is not in rehab. She was seeing a doctor who she regularly sees as part of her ongoing treatment. It was a regular appointment which she attends all the time.”

Can we all get a collective, “MMmm Hm“?

So Mischa Barton’s been arrested for DUI, possession of narcotics (the exact drug hasn’t been confirmed yet), and driving on a suspended license. She’s a dirty hippie type so I’m not the least bit surprised at any of the charges, but seriously y’all this little starlet should have been arrested a long time ago . . . by the fashion police! ZING! Mischa is notorious for wearing mom jeans, frumpy muu-muus, and anything extremely high-waisted. I don’t care how stylish she looks in magazines–in real life the girl cannot dress herself and should not be let out of the house without the assistance of a stylist.

Prior to her arrest, just this weekend she was roaming L.A. in what is perhaps the peak of her fashion violations to date. I feel sorry for her thin body that was forced to wear an outfit that no woman can look good in, but mostly I feel sorry for her asphyxiating lady parts that surely were crying out for air . . .
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