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Country hottie Mindy McCready is back in rehab after reportedly trying to kill herself with Vodka and Ambien (a popular sleep medication) and Dr. Phil may be coming to her rescue. Maybe. Ambien seems to be the new pill of choice for today’s drug users. Sanofi Aventis should just give out samples of Ambien CR with every  gram bag of coke that you buy. That would save a lot of marketing dollars. And in this economy…sheesh!

TMZ has learned the troubled McCready went off the deep end late last week after getting dumped by her boyfriend and collapsed while on the phone with her mother. She downed a bottle of vods and pills in what we’re told was a “suicide attempt.”

She’s headed to Arizona for treatment, and a source says that was all Phil’s idea. We’re told he’s taken Mindy under his wing as a “personal project.” As for whether or not she’ll be on the show, time will tell. (TMZ)

God damn, Mindy McCready likes to be drunk. When I eventually sleep with her, I’ll make sure to tell her that her life is spinning out of control and she needs some help as I throw the money on nightstand and walk out the next morning. But, I’ll leave her a bottle of Stoli and 2 Ambien CR’s with a note that says “call me”. Works every time.

Pete Doherty was sentenced yesterday to 14 weeks in prison for violating his probation. He’s been arrested countless times for drugs, violence and even squirting his own blood on a reporter. He’s committed so many crimes I think he is officially his own mafia. So, in the grand scheme of things I think probation violation is the one that should stick.

The judge in his case, Davinder Lacher, had spared Doherty a custodial sentence last year and gave him four weeks to prove he could stay off drugs after he was found in possession of crack, heroin, cannabis and ketamine.

The singer’s extensive criminal record includes assault, possession of a flick-knife and numerous driving and drug offenses.

Doherty’s long-serving lawyer, Sean Curran, said the singer accepted the court’s sentence. (Daily Mail)

Pete Doherty has done so many drugs that they named a town after him in Columbia. British people have to fly at least 3 hours in any direction just to score a dime bag. The UK legal system never seems to put Pete in jail which is why he’s high all the time and such an insufferable, scabby, asshole. The arresting part they have down. The putting in jail part never seems to come work out. As a judge, how can you not incarcerate someone who enters a plea of, “Do you know where I can score some ketamine, I have court today?”. Bong. Bong.

If the new look of Amy Winehouse is any indication, she’s headed for a starring role in a zombie flick. Amy bought a new tanning bed, some say to help clear up the festering pustules on her face. I swear up and down the bitch is melting.

Whine, whine, whine, Amy Winehouse needs help, Amy Winehouse needs someone to save her. Bitch and moan, but what I say she needs is to stop moldering like that shit in the back of some college kid’s fridge and grow the fuck up. Addicted to drugs, eating prostitute snatch, and sucking every dog cock that comes your way will eventually give you herpes of the head, you know.

Nasty. If you are jacking off to these pics, email me. I have some links to send you for more zombie porn.

Just when you think Amy Winehouse has given up the crack . . . okay, that joke was simply too obvious, I know. Anyway, Amy and her ass crack were out and about in London running errands, and lo and behold poor lil’ Amy couldn’t cough up money for cab fare, or so the story goes. You know how reliable those are. Supposedly she had to run in her house and scrounge around for enough money to pay the cabbie. Only Amy Winehouse could sell millions of records yet not have enough money on her to pay cab fare. Though, if she were a true crack whore, she’d have found others ways to repay the cab driver!

Looks like little Dannielynn, Anna Nicole Smith’s baby daughter is about to be rich. Which is great because her dead mom was a drugged out tramp who would have eventually killed her like she did her other kid Daniel. So Dannielynn gets millions and she doesn’t go on to die at 15 because her mom gave her a lethal dose of Schedule IV drugs in her breakfast cereal. Win-win.

Anna Nicole Smith’s 18-month-old daughter Dannielynn has been declared the sole heir to the former Playmate’s estate.

But wait there’s more!

In addition, the judge also established a trust in Dannielynn’s name, and named Stern and the child’s father Larry Birkhead as co-trustees. (TMZ)

Oh. So that’s why those two have been so friendly. This pretty much means that Dannielynn will have about $1.71 left over in her trust fund by the time she turns 21. Sorry Dannielynn. I would just keep that as my stage name later on. I think it plays. Also, here are some suggestive photos of Dannielynn’s dead mom because I’m a dick. And if you have forgotten what she looks like naked: here you go.