Hard hitting news anchor. Wait, that's just my cock.

If you’ve ever spent any time in the Nutmeg State, then you’ve probably wanked it to heard about supemodel hot, news anchor babe Sonia Baghdady. A quick search in trusty Wikipedia shows that she was born in 1975, and:

She earned an Emmy Award for “Outstanding Achievement in Soft News Series,” an Emmy nomination for “Outstanding Service Report,” and two Associated Press Awards. She was also nominated in 2008 for an Emmy award for “Outstanding Achievement” as an anchor.The New Haven Business times recently listed Sonia as one of “20 Noteworthy Women” in the community. She was also voted best local TV reporter in the state by the readers of “Connecticut Magazine” and as one of the top local TV personalities by the New Haven Advocate

That’s amazing! Did you know that Connecticut is called the “the Constitution State, not because of the the US Constitution, but because of the Fundamental Orders – the first recognized constitution in North America? Hahaha. Like yo’re reading this far.

Rekon these taste like bacon?

You win, Miley. I give up trying to keep Dateline off my front porch. With a rack like that and the can-do attitude we’ve been seeing, you’ve won the boners hearts and minds  of the American people.

What’s that you say? She’s 18? Well that’s horse of a different color, or as I like to say,” ‘scuse me while I rub one out to them tit-tays”. In a totally respectful way, of course. Girl power!

And by warmer, I mean boner.

Evelyn Taft is our favorite SF Bay area news hottie. She grew up speaking Russian in the Bay Area, according to her bio, and I’d love to hear her whisper lubovnik in my ear while we lay naked on a bearskin rug in front of a crackling fire sipping honeyed vodka. But I digress…

Besides being a super smart smartie meteorologist, Evelyn has great assets as a newscaster. And by assets I mean, OMG huge titties! We’re missing her since she moved down to LA, although she is dressing a little more tawdry professional now that’s she’s down there. Here’s hoping she comes to work in a low slung tank top.

Here’s a video of Evelyn and her sweater pups.

Click here to view the embedded video.

I will literally eat your heart out.

You might be asking yourself, ‘why is Pauley Perette the only Grammys coverage on this site? You might also ask yourself, ‘where is my beautiful wife?’ Well, the answer is that Pauley Perrette is a genetic anomaly (she’s 41 and hotter than molten black candle wax) and your wife has been at my house for a few days experimenting with multiple partners. Same as it ever was. Here’s Pauley looking like she could just eat the still beating heart right out of your chest cavity. So how was her character on NCIS in the Navy again? “My God, What have I done?”

Haben sie boobies?

There’s nothing better than Oktoberfest. Boobies, beer and barfing. Hayden Panetierre almost has the look pulled off except for the hat. I don’t know whether she wants to serve me a beer or steal my pouch of gold for the poor. Link my sausage fraulein:

• Um, there’s a hot dude on IDLYITW. So confused right now (IDLYITW)
• The dude (more dudes?) from Dawson Creek is a daddy. At least that he knows of (SeriouslyOMG)
• Hot chicks, old dicks. I love college! (Bro Bible)
• Lindsay Lohan Shoots heroin. NO SHIT. (Drunkenstepfather)
• Lohan nips (Amy Grindhouse)

Megan Fox is in her undies- Celeb News Wire

Sacha Baron Cohen found work- Celebrity Smack

Michael Grimm proposes on live tv. Chances are the marriage will last a week- Geno’s World

Jersey Shore recap- IBBB

Anna Kournikova does Maxim- IDLYITW

Kate Gosselin shows off in her bikini- Drunken Stepfather

I want a Kim Kardashian sex doll- Allie Is Wired

Frida Pinto is greasy- Amy Grindhouse

La Coacha celebrates La Mexico. Lub joo!- Chisme Time

Bloom my onion, will yer? Here are the links, mate! G’Day.

• Todd at IDLYITW has evidently perfected that necronomicon charm spell he’s been working on because Sophie Turner, aka OMG!TITS!AND!ASS!, has responded to his interview questions. IDLYITW
• Miley Cyrus gets spanked by a MILF. Or her mom. Whatever. Allie
• Kristen Stewart wants acting creds so she’s going to show her tits. I smell Oscar.  Celebitchy
• Octomom is homeless. Maybe she can build a house out of baby bones. Notorius
• Bristol Palin is a teen whore. Or something. I don’t do research. CDL
• Jessica Alba’s ass is like angel tears in a champagne glass. (SeriouslyOMGWTF)
• Lindsay Lohan got out jail and got a new car. Cee Lo and I say, “FUCK YOU” Celebrity Smack.

America, Fuck yeah!

Hola, bitches! Soy Fatback. I just got back to the States from a Mexican prison an extended tropical vacation with undrinkable beautiful water, septic gorgeous surroundings and prison trannies lovely ladies. So as I type this with my good hand, I’m preparing a hot bath so I can soak my cares away. Once I’ve had time to shit/shower/shave, I’m headed straight out to burn a Taco Truck to the ground. It’s not like I was gonna sell that shit to kids. Fucking Federales.

The Cold War is back on baby! So brush up on your tradecraft because the Russians have deep cover agents all up in your operational area. And this chick is hotter than a flash paper One-Time-Pad. This is “Anna Chapman”, with Giant Russian Bear sized quotation marks all around that shit, tovarisch. As you can see, Anna is premium bred honey-pot right from the bread basket of the former CCCP. It’s nice to see they haven’t lost their chops. Anna , along with 10 other alleged deep cover Russian spies were arrested this week on charges of espionage and money laundering. Anna was apparently a successful real estate agent as well. But in this market, who can blame her for making dead drops and brush passes with the FSB? Here’s what SFGate via NY Daily News reports:

FBI agents found the Verizon phone contract and Motorola charger along with packaging for calling cards that can be used for international calls in a trash can after Chapman was arrested, according to the complaint.

The court document also details Chapman’s interactions with an undercover FBI agent who fed her instructions for preparing a fake passport to transfer to another female spy.

She was instructed to hold a magazine a certain way to signal the other spy to initiate contact.

Chapman is quoted in the complaint repeating back the following instructions: “Okay, tomorrow at 11, I am going to be sitting at one of the benches, she is going to ask me if she saw me in California. I am going to say no, it was in the Hamptons. I will take the documents, tell her to sign. I will hold the journal, this is how she will recognize me.”

She was arrested before the mission was carried out. Chapman appeared in Manhattan federal court on June 28, 2010 with four other alleged spies.

Ok first off, that’s like cub scout trade craft, even if we’re using “Moscow Rules”. There haves to be at least 2 signals for the contact and at least two fall back points in case you get a no-go signal. Also, I prefer to be used for sex multiple time before I’m burned as an asset, Just saying. Call me (Russian) ladies! UPDATE: If you want to see Anna Chapman Nude then pazhalsta click here comrade.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Remember little teen hottie Jennifer Capriati, the ripped tennis player who kicked ass back when Ace of Base was topping the charts? Ok, Ace of Base never really topped the charts, but ‘I Saw the Signs’ was my jam. Right? Right? Anyhowitzer, TMZ reports that there’s one thing that Jenifer Capriati loves more than tennis and that’s lots of drugs.

[The] former teen tennis star Jennifer Capriati was rushed to the hospital early this morning after paramedics responded to a call for a possible overdose. (source)

I’m not sure what kind of drugs she OD’d on but judging from her guns, I’d say that she’s into stuff with a A-D sterane core. Also, “all that she wants…is another ba-by…”. GRRRR, JENNIFER HUNGRY.