Fatback Media

This is country beauty Carrie Underwood in a bikini at a beach. Things are slow so that means it’s time for Southern Hottie of The Day (SHOTD) here at Fatback Media. Some people have complained that this site has devolved into nothing but chicks in bikinis and fluff. Well sir, if God didn’t want half naked chicks on the internet then why did he invent the Porn Premium Gold Pass? Plus, all the girls are fully naked in our  NSFW section. So you really have the best of both worlds. Hot chicks with clothes, or hot chicks without. The choice is yours. Choose wisely.

• Audrina Patridge & Stephanie Pratt
• A-Rod Says Madonna’s His Soul Mate | Bumpshack.com
• Yay! A Heidi Spencer Murder Suicide?!
• Pammy’s Little Visit To KFC | Dlisted
• Heather Storm vs. Kelly Noonan – Bastardly Matchup | The Bastardly
• Heidi Klum Licking Ice Cream of the Day
• Keeley Hazell Still Nude
• Mary-Kate Headed to Rehab
• The 10 Hottest Celebrity Boob Jiggling Videos
• Ali Lohan’s First Single

The American Idol finale was last night and like you, I was glued to my set. OMG can you believe David won? Hahahaha. Not really, dumbass. See you thought we were going to be friends just now. And we could IM about what Syesha wore last week and which David was going to win and we’d giggle and LOL. And you’d tell me about that time in middle school when you did something inappropriate with your My Little Pony because you had strange feelings. And then afterward, it was awkward and it just felt weird to have My Little Pony hanging out with the rest of your dolls, because you know, now she was damaged goods and Malibu Barbie called her a whore and you know what bitch she can be.

David Cook wins! Hurray for America!

By now you’ve probably heard about the latest former American Idol contestant to embarrass her family and generally act like a drunken piece of trash, Jessica Sierra. It seems that ole’ Jess got herself into a bit of trouble on Saturday night when she got into a bar fight in Tampa and was found to have some Bolivian marching powder in her purse. She was reportedly abusive to the arresting officers after she threw a cocktail glass at a fellow booze hound.

It appears that since she was kicked off of Idol, Jessica Sierra (porno name, anyone?) has tried to get a record contact and has been WORKING AT HOOTERS. Let’s see: cocaine, alcohol, trampy name, reality show cast-off, and now my favorite delightfully tacky, yet unrefined restaurant. This girl’s life reads like a Mad Libs of American white trash. To complete the sweep, she might as well release a sex tape that was filmed in her single-wide where she smokes Kools and chugs Boone’s Farm straight from the bottle. God bless Tampa, home of 94% of America’s whores, and God bless Jessica Sierra and the plate of curly fries and wings she is currently serving to a trucker.

While I wouldn’t fuck Jessica Sierra with Kelly Clarkson’s dick, I do have a soft spot for the lovely Ms. Carrie Underwood. Something tells me that Carrie’s never donned orange hot pants and a tank top. [Ed. note: Shooter, I just know she has. If there is a a god in heaven...]