Fatback Media

Sooooooooo…..apparently the word on the street is that Brooke Hogan got a boob job. Well, Jeeee-suuuus H. Christ (does the ‘H’ stand for Hossefat? Personally, I am fonder of Horatio.) … but I digress. Where, was I? Oh yeah, Brooke’s boobs: Real or fake? ARE YOU FRICKIN’ KIDDING ME? Her rack is more implanted than Tommy Lee’s deposit of manhood in his skankbank of the week! How could they not be fake when Brooke is a frickin’ MAN? Even the ten estrogen shooters a day she guzzles can’t hide the fact she has a moustache that’s a throwback to Tom Selleck in Magnum PI. (And if you don’t know who that is because you were busy nuzzlin’ your momma’s sweater monkeys when the show was on air then click here )

Do you really expect that Hulk Hogan’s wife could conceive a girl when he probably sprinkled Methyltestosterone on his frickin’ breakfast cereal? Face it, Brooke or Bill or Byron or whatever your real name is, you can shrink wrap yourself in gold lemay and paint your fingernails as pink as you want but we all know that sack on your arm ain’t the only one you got. If Brookenstein somehow cornered me in a bar and used that deep ass, Darth Vader voice to rattle off a few pick up lines that involved jumpin’ off the top rope and the figure four, I swear on my penis’ life that I would would sell my miserable soul for a matrix-style back door to open and save me from that Man-Boy Love Association type workout that Brooke had in mind. Hey Brooke, I guess the good news for you is that after these fifteen minutes of fame are washed up I hear they need a new star for the next Schlongs in Thongs movie. Meanwhile, keep it hangin’….just do it in YOUR neighborhood.

LINKS, if you made it this far.

• Exclusive video from The Te, Jessica Alba’s new movie.(CH)
• Celebslam G Chats with Lindsay Lohan about Gnaked pics. (Celebslam)
• Jenny McCarthy teaches me love. In a half nude way. (FHM)
• Cameron Diaz in a bikini. Again. (DS)
• Posh Spice’s show airs tonight. I’ll miss it because my sock drawer is all fucked up. (SeriouslyOMG)
• Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Romijn got married. This is a good time. (IDLYITW)
• Lindsay Lohan has a booze detector bracelet. I used to have a Cap’n Crunch bracelet, but I ate it. (Celebitchy)
• More Bionic Woman video’s. (Allie)
• Britney’s manny was a dildo salesman. Salesperson. Sorry. (Yeeeah)
• Aunt Becky. Still Hot. Danny Tanner. Not at all dude. (IBBB)
• Best Armenian Badonkadonk evah, comrade. (Bastardly)
• Dane Cook is banging Jessica Simpson again. (Gabsmash)
• Pink thinks Britney sucks. Us too! We’re buds like that. (Celebrity Mound)
• Harry Potter movie review. SPOILER. Hermione blows Ron in the Vanishing Cabinet. Sucka. (Bumpshack)
• Paris Hilton wipes out. (Jordan)